Little progress story about NC that may aid you in staying strong

[louxor]

So quick back story to put some relevance to this post:

 

I have been broken up with my ex for about 7 weeks now after 2.5 years of being together - About 6.5 weeks NC. I didn't completely cut off my social media ties with her until about a week and a half after the break up, when I found myself scrolling over a picture of her on Instagram where she looked absolutely stunning and happy etc etc. Although I know the falsity of such social media outlets and that fact that the image was not an accurate representation of her actual feelings, seeing that photo still cut me up immensely. I was in a very upset and hurtful mood for the next few days.

 

Anyway, I'm making this post about something that happened today. My brother had sent me a snapchat screenshot of a snapstory from her, as she was with another woman who we both know she does not like, but she was acting like they are best friends. I know who she is with doesn't matter but that is the reason my brother sent me the image, because it is quite funny how some girls pretend to like someone just because they happen to run into them.

 

Now, although I wish I didn't see this, and I have told my brother to not send me anything like that again, the way I reacted to this picture VS the way I reacted 5-6 weeks ago amazed me. She was looking just as gorgeous (if not better) in this picture as she was in the other, and on top of this, she was at a bar in this one so I know she would be getting lots of male attention.

 

The thing that surprised me, and why I am making this post, is that seeing this had very little impact on me - Far less than I would have expected it to. Sure, I had that 5 minutes of "Fml, she's so f**king hot, I miss how hot she is", but that's it. It passed over me just as if she was some other hot girl who I wanted but I know I can't be with. I swiftly deleted the texts and the picture and that was that.

 

If anything, I was more focused on how fake she was being by pretending to like this other person, which turned me off her.

YES - I CANT BELEIVE I JUST TYPED THAT - SEEING THIS PICTURE OF MY PHYSICALLY BEAUTIFUL, STUNNING, GORGEOUS EX ACTUALLY TURNED ME OFF!

 

I guess the purpose of making this post is to let others know the benefits that NC and focusing on yourself can have. I don't know what it is that has changed within me which has allowed me to have this different reaction, but nonetheless, it happened, and I kid you not, this was the best f**king feeling I have had since the breakup nearly 2 months ago - The feeling of finally realising that I am beginning to move on.

 

If I were to guess the reason for this dramatic change, I would say that by staying strong with NC and avoiding all temptation, and allowing myself to slowly but surely restructure my life in the way that she has 0 involvement in, I have allowed myself to realise that life is still fun and bright without her. I think this is one of the key lessons that NC teaches you, directly or indirectly, and I hope that from reading this, you too now have some more motivation to stick to it and stay strong. If I were to read this post just after we broke up, I would have been thinking "Man f**k this guy, I'm never going to even start to get over my ex"...Look where I am now!!

 

The better days are within your reach! Stay strong, say committed, keep focusing on yourself and what makes you happy. You will get through this.

Edited November 8, 2015 by louxor

[geronimo]

I'm really happy for you man thats amazing. Its funny how your ex and mine are very similar because i found out my ex is now very close and friends with this girl that she used to hate and that girl isn't such a great person imo. I still believe she was the driving force in my breakup but whatever. It does help to see how fake your ex is being cuz it shows that she isn't always genuine and you don't need people like that in your life. I know I don't.

[louxor]

I'm really happy for you man thats amazing. Its funny how your ex and mine are very similar because i found out my ex is now very close and friends with this girl that she used to hate and that girl isn't such a great person imo. I still believe she was the driving force in my breakup but whatever. It does help to see how fake your ex is being cuz it shows that she isn't always genuine and you don't need people like that in your life. I know I don't.

 

It's definitely a good feeling once you begin to see why you don't need them in your life

[Armageddon]

I'm really happy for you and I really wish I can get there one day. I'm sure this is also every dumpee's goal. May I ask if there were any specific things you did or anyone who came into your life to enable you to get to this level?

[louxor]

I'm really happy for you and I really wish I can get there one day. I'm sure this is also every dumpee's goal. May I ask if there were any specific things you did or anyone who came into your life to enable you to get to this level?

 

You will get there, that's a fact!

 

I've been spending lots of time on myself, and focusing on the things that make me happy, things that I don't need anyone else for. Essentially dating myself I guess, getting myself back to the position where I'm happy and content being alone. That's not to say I'm constantly alone and avoiding friends, but rebuilding myself as an individual has seemed to help me the most.

 

Take a read of this, it's an excerpt from an article I found a few weeks ago, and it has really helped me. It's a bit of a long read but well worth it - It discusses the best thing to do when trying to move on:

 

The key isn't just distraction.

 

You can try and fill your day from morning to night with activities and people but the moment you have a second of free time, your brain will snap back to that person, that negative thought, that memory that makes your heartache.

 

Distraction alone isn't a remedy for cure that heartache.

 

The thing that helps the most is making progress on a particular project, a piece of work, a life goal etc. Notice the distinction between distraction, and progress.

 

Distraction is a short term solution to heartbreak - We drink, we eat, we sleep with random people, we go out a lot, we spend as much time with friends as possible, go on a holiday. But these things don't always represent progress. If they only represent distraction then there will only be a momentary relief from this person, not a long term solution to moving on from this person. They work for a little bit, until you are alone again and then you will find yourself right back at square one.

 

Progress on the other hand actually moves you past this heartbreak. Something that you can invest in that will give you a sense of achievement. At the end of working hard on something important, you’ll feel confident, you’ll be feeling life intensely like you are dedicating your life to something important. Unlike distraction, this isn’t a form of numbing - Focusing on a specific thing that will actually give you a sense of progress is the opposite of numbing, it will make you feel alive. When you feel alive you feel a sense of possibility again, and with this you might be able to get yourself to a place where you can see where things can go with your love life again.

 

Find something in your life today that you know is somehow important to you, and focus on that. Notice the feeling you get after you have spent some time on it - the sense of satisfaction and achievement that you get will change the intensity of the feeling of heartache, and you just might be able to begin to see how bright the world can be.

[Protec]

My ex also took some pretty impressive pictures of her after breakup (she dumped me) and sent them to me via WhatsApp. But yeah, i don't regognize her in the pictures. I remember her as cute and smiling girl, but in those pictures she looked your everyday "i look SOOO GOOD and I LUV TO PARRRTYYYYY"-*itch. Maybe that was her true self after all.

 

I am still messed about our breakup though. She left me, then started bombing me with these pictures and stories how much better her life is without me around. How much she has lost weight, how awesome dates she had, how awesome everything is...

 

She ripped me apart mentally. I am still torn to pieces and bits, i have better days and worse days. It doesn't help that i don't a have a job. I try my best to concentrate to other things than her but it's hard. It's very very hard.

 

I have 3 weeks of NC with her now. No messages, received or sent in any way.

 

Few months ago we still talked daily (after breakup). Maybe she hasn't found a new "target"...but now she is silent so she has a new "target" for herself.

[louxor]

I remember her as cute and smiling girl, but in those pictures she looked your everyday "i look SOOO GOOD and I LUV TO PARRRTYYYYY"-*itch. Maybe that was her true self after all.

 

I totally understand that one - I can almost be certain in saying that if I were to look at my ex's Instagram right now, it would be flooded with pictures of her out having fun, partying, posing in swimwear etc etc with the standard captions to go with it. What gets me past this, like with the picture I ran across today, is that I know that this person on her social media is not who she is. Sure she might be out having fun one night, but I know the next day she's back to her usual self all grumpy and what not because she has no real passion or direction in life.

 

It is very easy to mask reality through pictures, just take a look at these posts from instagram 'models' that have been floating around recently - The image makes it look like they are so happy and had a crazy night, when in reality, they come out saying that they actually didn't go out that night because of whatever reason, and that they were in fact very sad when they uploaded that image.

 

I am still messed about our breakup though. She left me, then started bombing me with these pictures and stories how much better her life is without me around. How much she has lost weight, how awesome dates she had, how awesome everything is.

 

Sounds to me like she was dropping that onto you in order to make herself feel better. If the above was actually the case, why would she be needing to message you about it when she's having so much fun without you? There would be no need to do that - I wouldn't take anything from this besides it being a very selfish way of dealing with her emotions.

 

I hope you have deleted and blocked her.

 

I have 3 weeks of NC with her now. No messages, received or sent in any way.

 

Keep at it - It will get easier, I guarantee it. I still have a long way to go to being fully over my ex, but once you reach that point where you get the first taste of moving on, your whole mindset will change.