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Holy Breadcrumbs batman!!


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We've been broken up a month, her decision. I bowed out gracefully, no begging, pleading, I did tell her what I wanted, how I felt about her and that I didn't want to R to end without being sappy or desperate. She didn't want it so I left and have been strict NC since.

 

A week after this girl has been sending me the most meaningless breadcrumbs. Memes, photos of her, talking about a show we watched, more memes. Only thing of any substance, was "are you ever gonna talk to me again" followed by "I miss you"

 

Now I know I can never and won't go back, trust is shot and I know it never works out after a break. Question is why all the contact?? It's just my curiousity, my nature to always have to figure things out. Any ideas for the meaningless contact, at least once every other day since the BU.

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Why not just block her? If you're not going to give it another go, you don't need the constant contact.

 

Honestly it's gotten to the point it's almost entertaining.

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Stage5Clinger
Question is why all the contact??

 

She's obviously lonely and misses your companionship. Girls think it's okay to be "just friends" and they believe that's actually possible sometimes. She misses talking to you and probably feels bad that she broke it off -- but you're right; breadcrumbs. Don't fall into that trap again. She had her chance and showed you what it meant to her.. nothing.

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Honestly it's gotten to the point it's almost entertaining.

 

Well it shouldn't be, because you will begin to twist your view and hold her in contempt, which is unkind.

 

Of course she's throwing breadcrumbs; and breadcrumbs are there for you to pick up and nourish her ego.

Breadcrumbs are basically a single statement:

 

"If you respond, I can still command your attention, which means you still care about me, and in responding, make me feel better, because if you WILL talk to me, it means we have a level of "friends" and I don't feel so bad....."

 

Just block her.

It's bad enough (from her PoV) that you're not talking to her, but it's a trifle sadistic, and to be honest, unnecessary. It doesn't actually put you in an altogether good light.

 

I get why you're doing it, but be cautious about how it affects your attitude....

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Well it shouldn't be, because you will begin to twist your view and hold her in contempt, which is unkind.

 

Of course she's throwing breadcrumbs; and breadcrumbs are there for you to pick up and nourish her ego.

Breadcrumbs are basically a single statement:

 

"If you respond, I can still command your attention, which means you still care about me, and in responding, make me feel better, because if you WILL talk to me, it means we have a level of "friends" and I don't feel so bad....."

 

Just block her.

It's bad enough (from her PoV) that you're not talking to her, but it's a trifle sadistic, and to be honest, unnecessary. It doesn't actually put you in an altogether good light.

 

I get why you're doing it, but be cautious about how it affects your attitude....

 

I get where you're coming from but you're way off base with your assumptions of me. My strict no NC is no different than anyone else's on here. Nothing sadistic and nothing that puts me in a bad light because I won't talk to someone that ended our R and that isn't beating down my door with I miss you I want you back (as the NC guide suggests).

 

My NC is just that, NC for me, not to get her back. Nothing more, nothing less.

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I get where you're coming from but you're way off base with your assumptions of me. My strict no NC is no different than anyone else's on here. Nothing sadistic and nothing that puts me in a bad light because I won't talk to someone that ended our R and that isn't beating down my door with I miss you I want you back (as the NC guide suggests).

 

My NC is just that, NC for me, not to get her back. Nothing more, nothing less.

I'm not suggesting it isn't but the fact that you won't block her completely and you're finding this 'almost entertaining' means that the boot is on the other foot.

 

I'm not disparaging your efforts or raining on your parade. I'm just urging caution that you don't end up holding her in contempt.

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I would love to be in your position- with leverage.

 

But it does seem you are at a fork in the road.

 

You either use her contact to say you are interested in reconciliation and make a real meeting out of it, or you tell her to take a hike and stop contacting. "Friends" in this case seems impossible or at least undesirable.

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I'm not suggesting it isn't but the fact that you won't block her completely and you're finding this 'almost entertaining' means that the boot is on the other foot.

 

I'm not disparaging your efforts or raining on your parade. I'm just urging caution that you don't end up holding her in contempt.

 

I initially stayed in contact due to work related issues. I remained in contact for the same reason, only if it's work related but nothing has been.

 

It would be nice to get an apology or some remorse, I'm not gonna lie to myself, but this communication has perplexed me to say the least. Entertaining wasn't the greatest choice of word, to some degree it does feel good to know they are obviously thinking about you. I was just curious to hear opinions and the situation.

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I'm assuming your relationship ended because you grew apart or the intimate feelings were lost on her side? If so then she's probably messaging you because although she doesn't want to be with you romantically, she still misses having you around because nothing has happened to change that specific aspect of your relationship.

 

I would either ignore it, or give closed-ended responses. It's easy for someone to say they miss you but I'm all about actions over words. If she truly misses you then she will make that obvious through her actions, but apart from that, I wouldn't bother to keep these convo's going.

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She's obviously lonely and misses your companionship. Girls think it's okay to be "just friends" and they believe that's actually possible sometimes. She misses talking to you and probably feels bad that she broke it off -- but you're right; breadcrumbs. Don't fall into that trap again. She had her chance and showed you what it meant to her.. nothing.

 

My ex bf gave me this 'just friends' bullsh*t too so I dont think it's just girls.

He gave me breadcrumbs all the time, such as "i miss you" "i care about you so much" "i really want to make it work (but never bothered to do anything other than giving me crumbs) etc

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Because this relationship is not bad enough for her to not contact you ever again. She misses you but not enough to do something. Simple.

 

Stay away from bread crumbs. Bread crumbed and friend with benefited for a few months now Im filled with anger, tiredness. Just want someone to love me properly man. Why is it so god damn difficult:(

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I'm assuming your relationship ended because you grew apart or the intimate feelings were lost on her side? If so then she's probably messaging you because although she doesn't want to be with you romantically, she still misses having you around because nothing has happened to change that specific aspect of your relationship.

 

I would either ignore it, or give closed-ended responses. It's easy for someone to say they miss you but I'm all about actions over words. If she truly misses you then she will make that obvious through her actions, but apart from that, I wouldn't bother to keep these convo's going.

 

No, I believe she has BPD, it became really obvious to me. I know she loved me but it went from you're the love of my life to I'm done over a text in 5 days, literally. I'm positive she is undiagnosed BPD, which eases my mind but confuses the hell out of me at the same time. Which probably means guessing what all these random texts are about pointless ?

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Is it me or does it seem like that every woman walking the face of the earth had BPD? I've seen this so much in a lot of these posts and I think it's become the illness du jour of the 21st century.

 

There isn't any BPD. All it comes down to is a ego trip to see if you'll take the bait. Then when you do she then has the upper hand and it goes in her ego file nothing more.

 

Look just block her and let her fish and cut bait in another pond and you can move on. Actually your no better. Your both trying the old one upsmenship routine. Give it a rest and move on.

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Is it me or does it seem like that every woman walking the face of the earth had BPD? I've seen this so much in a lot of these posts and I think it's become the illness du jour of the 21st century.

 

There isn't any BPD. All it comes down to is a ego trip to see if you'll take the bait. Then when you do she then has the upper hand and it goes in her ego file nothing more.

 

Look just block her and let her fish and cut bait in another pond and you can move on. Actually your no better. Your both trying the old one upsmenship routine. Give it a rest and move on.

This was a clear cut case. I've read and read and read about it. She matches all the criteria, the push pull was there, the physical abuse was there in her childhood, and past relationships. All the evidence was there. She would pick fights (over insignificant nothing) just to see if I would leave or hit her, I can't count how many times this happened. She would say the meanest harshest things just to push me to a point to do something. It was obvious what was going on.

 

I know where you're coming from but believe me when I say there was some great emotional disturbances in her that came out in the most explosive forms I've ever experienced.

 

I've have since blocked all contact tonight, it only keeps me attached in the worst way.

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It does feel good when they come back demanding attention because you get the ego boost and feel wanted again. Just be careful because it can mess with your head too. You shouldn't have to be here analysing her words as you can spend your time better. If you dont ever want her back and dont want to be friends, i dont see the issue in blocking her. Is that true though?

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Is it me or does it seem like that every woman walking the face of the earth had BPD? I've seen this so much in a lot of these posts and I think it's become the illness du jour of the 21st century.

 

There isn't any BPD. All it comes down to is a ego trip to see if you'll take the bait. Then when you do she then has the upper hand and it goes in her ego file nothing more.

 

Look just block her and let her fish and cut bait in another pond and you can move on. Actually your no better. Your both trying the old one upsmenship routine. Give it a rest and move on.

 

I agree with you, the ,they either have BPD or undiagnosed depression, is in almost every post. I don't believe it in the majority of cases. These are things we say to ourselves to make us feel better.

 

Peoples feelings change, and often you can't even articlulate to yourself why they've changed, you just know they have. It isn't BPD, it isn't depression, it just is. I know someone who truly is BPD. They take daily medication for it, and when they are off their meds, you can really, really tell they are sick.

 

I'm about to go thru what is going to be a mutual breakup (we are on a break right now) but I/we know it's coming. Is it because she's depressed? BPD? A nutcase? No, it's because something has changed, and the relationship is bringing more pain than pleasure to her, and frankly, to me also at this point.

 

No, not mental illness, just change, and that's the part of life that can really suck.

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