Positive interaction with negative reactions

[Ohdangiiina]

I'll first say, no, I am not suicidal. I've been broken up with too many times to count. That's a part of life. I'm usually a positive and resilient girl. I have a lot to offer and know my self worth

Until a week ago I was in over a year long relationship that was literally everything I dreamed of. We were the "power couple" if you will. We had bumps along the road but we knew we loved each other so we worked it out. Well, life had other plans and long story short we broke up because he began realizing there were certain aspects about my lifestyle that he didn't really care for and knew that those habits were not something he could settle down with. Before I continue I'd like to say that they are not healthy habits that started years before I met him and were ways for me to cope while I was in an abusive relationship and had often times whined and complained about them but didn't do much to change. I mean I want to be a healthy and fit girl that loves going to the gym (and I do..just lacked the motivation for 3 years)

 

Well, things went back and fourth and we were mean to each other and finally he just broke down and said that he loved me dearly and wants us to be together but there needs to be a healthy change and I agreed...but I made those promises before and never followed through. I am this time and I'm very proud. It gets complicated though because every time I see him my anxiety spikes through the roof and I shake. Sometimes I sit and think...and think....and think. I naturally tend to not believe that I will end up with someone and that thinking leads me down a bad road..the negativity continues until I'm shaking, crying, having an anxiety attack and am vomiting. Crazy right? Even if our interactions are good and positive and I should be happy...my body just freaks out and I just don't know if I should go to a doctor or give it some more time...? It's gotten to the point where it does after my daily activities.