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Ended abusive relationship...best decision of my life


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About a month ago I ended my 1 year relationship with an emotionally and verbally abusive guy. It took many fights, being called every name under the sun (c*nt, b*tch, w*ore), being threatened, being used for his sick little mindgames...but i finally did it.

 

I knew a few months ago that something was not quite right in this relationship..it wasnt like previous relationships id had with guys..no other guy had treated with such disdain and disrespect when angry. No other guy had ever made me scared about what he was capable of doing to me if he was pushed far enough. No other guy had ever, once, in my life called me a degrading and humiliating name.. He never hit me, but i could see in his rage filled moments that he was very likely capable of it.

 

We would argue, he would call me names, blame everything on me and then he would say he was going to end the relationship, and for some pathetic reason I would apologise..he played me for a fool.

 

But it came to a head, i cracked, i broke down, i cried my freakin eyes out and decided he had destroyed me as a person and turned me into somebody that i didnt even recognise.

 

And finally- the major step- i told my best friend about what he had done and said to me. I had hidden it from everyone and i have to say, the most liberating feeling was to actually talk about his disgusting behaviour towards me.

 

It has been a month since i made the best decision for MY health and happiness..and it has been exactly 2 weeks since i have heard from him.

I have not regretted my decision for even a split second.

 

I just wanted to post my little spiel here for other loveshackers..if something doesnt feel right in your relationship, if you feel it in your bones that you are being mistreated and abused..face the problem, dont pretend it doesnt exist.

 

Just wanted to share a happy break up story with everyone since so many are quite sad. :o

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I just hope others who are in the same situation can muster the courage to do the same.

 

It is extremely difficult to leave a relationship like this..you feel at times as though you're losing your mind.

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Originally posted by JoL

I just hope others who are in the same situation can muster the courage to do the same.

 

It is extremely difficult to leave a relationship like this..you feel at times as though you're losing your mind.

 

I was there myself.. so yeah, I know what you're saying..

 

Best Wishes to ya sista!

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seductress989

I went through the same thing and I applaud you for decision. I'm sure it was the right one. You were meant for better things.

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Originally posted by JoL We would argue, he would call me names, blame everything on me and then he would say he was going to end the relationship, and for some pathetic reason I would apologise..he played me for a fool.

 

I just ended this same relationship a couple days ago. I'm still broken up about it, obviously, but I know exactly what you're saying. I've never been called the names he called me, I've never seen a temper like that. I never said anything intentionally to hurt him - he always tried, and usually succeeded, to hurt me when angry. Real love would never, ever, EVER try to hurt the person intentionally. He told me I didn't know what love was or how to love, unlike him. All I ever wanted was for both of us to be truly happy though, whatever it took. I think I'm closer then him.

 

Regardless, I'm glad to see you're happy. I sort of bugged out when I read that paragraph, because...that's exactly what happened to me, to the last punctuation mark. Thanks for giving me a little extra hope to hang on to.

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My thoughts are with ya lilacgirl!

It was a really really tough ordeal, he would not give up after i told him it was over, he had never been dumped before. Is it the same story with your abuser? He cant believe how someone could actually dump HIM?

 

He threatened me, acted like a child, manipulated me, even tried to use my friends against me!

And then turned around and said he he had "changed" and he was a new person- wow- all in the space of a month?! Sure!

 

I didnt buy into any of his emotional blackmail and guilt trips.

I made my mind up and decided i had to remove this poison from my life.

I know it's going to hurt, it's hard to walk away from an abuser, even when you know what he is doing is wrong. It takes a LOT of courage and strength to walk way- believe me- it's different than walking away from a healthy relationship- abusers put up any barrier, any obstacle in your way that they can think of to remain in control.

 

Theres a great site you can go to for support and to discuss your situation:

 

I also highly reccomend the main site, it has SO much information about verbal abuse..it was a real eye opener for me.

 

Moderator's Note: While the links you provided were to a worthy site, the site contained advertising and appeared to be a for-profit site. Links to such sites are a violation of our Terms of Service

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Thank you JoL, for pointing me toward that site. It is a real eye-opener. I'm definitely going to remember it. It's disappointing and frightening how much I see of both of us in all the information presented on that page.

 

My ex is seeking psychological counsling. I told him I thought he was abusive a few weeks ago, and while fighting and unhappiness continued, it seemed to hit home a little bit. I wish him the best of luck, because I still care about him, even if I shouldn't.

 

It's strange, looking at that site, seeing how much of it is true in hindsight. My mother told me a while ago that he was abusive, but I blew her off. I'm sorry, Mom. This relationship has taught me saw much.

 

Seriously, thank you so much for the help and support.

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My mother knew he was abusive, without never meeting him, without ever seeing him, simply by overhearing a conversation where i was in tears..and my behaviour.

 

Its disturbing how i knew his behaviour was disgusting and still put up with it!

Unfortunately my ex would never accept that he is an abuser, in moments of desperation where it appeared i was about to break it off he would show remorse and say he would "do anything" but i knew when the crunch came to it he'd never seek therapy.

 

But even with counselling though..i doubt that most abusers can really change their ways...

 

i wish you all the best! and hopefully we can meet guys who will treat us right!

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CONGRATS! JoL!!!!

 

You found the strength to end this abusive relationship! Now allow your self time to heal!!!!

 

Best of Luck! :D

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thanks for the support everyone!!

 

I just hope ANYONE who is in the same situation DOES NOT STAND FOR IT!!!!!!

Walk away before it's too late- abusers will suck the life out of you -the longer you stay the harder it is to leave.

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  • 2 weeks later...
OpheliasDescent2

Wow, I must say, you are stronger than me.

 

Around 3 wks ago I left my verbal abuser, who happens to be the father of my unborn baby. I am still obsessed with him and cry over him all of the time.

 

I live alone with my 2 yr old son, and I am stressed to the point of breaking. When leaving, I had no job, no car, and no place to live, so my mom offered me her house in the country to live in, while she works out of state. I chose to live here, rent-free and its a nice place, but literally there is no way to leave. I walk three miles just to get to the mailbox. Its so lonely I just want to die half of the time. I had a friend that would pick me up to take me to my OB an hour and a half away, but now her car is broken down, and im at my wit's end.

 

The guy still communicates with me, but he seems totally disinterested in me now, and I feel lonely and rejected. He drinks and smokes pot every day now, and seems glad to be free of me. He is young and not exactly rearing to be a father... though he says he will be in the baby's life and everything. I just wish he loved me and the baby and could treat us the way we deserve to be treated... Not that I want to be groveling at someone like that's feet, but I cant help the way I feel.. Im trying to be strong and get through this, but I am falling apart. My son is extremely hyperactive and demanding, and I cant seem to be a good mom right now, I yell too much and discipline him too harshly under all of this stress and feel guilty and horrible. I am working on this, but this is a long process, I would go to counseling but have no way to get there. *No i dont beat my son or anything that horrible, but I go overboard with my usual ways of discipline, which isnt the way I know he deserves to be treated.* Anyhow.. I think its amazing that you can be so confident, I know how it feels to be smashed like a bug by someone you love. Sorry for my rant, just thought Id say my piece

 

Meg

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