Long deep story, but I cheated...will this work out?

[Jigsaw]

Hi all,

 

The following story could be deep and long, but please consider reading it.

 

Some background info:

 

Me: Male, 27yo

She: Female, 24yo

Relationship for: 3,5 years

Living together: the past year

 

 

Quick summary: This month, september 1, I got dumped by my (ex)girlfriend. She said she was doubting our relationship, and the time I cheated on her was an important factor in her decision. She needed time alone so I agreed with her and left our apartment. I currently live with my brother and I have been gradually moving my stuff out her apartment to his place. I signed all the papers and the only thing thats left our some minor tools I will pick up tommorow. She has been acting very cold and distant since then. As if I never existed. She is furious and I get that.

 

All in all we had a great relationship, everything went well. We we're both students and things just worked out and went naturraly. We made plans on living together and getting married eventually. Things took a wrong turn when my mam suddenly passed away two years ago (my dad already died suddenly 9 years ago). So these two years have been very traumatic for us. The pain is indescribable, and I did not fully accept it. I'm the oldest son out of three. This personal pain, plus the responsibility that got on my shoulders was too much. I started running away from it. I was a graduate intern at that time. Everytime I got home, I got home to an empty house which didn't feel like home. It was a mess, my brothers didn't clean the house, so when I got back to relax from my day, I was confronted with even more stress.

 

This lasted about 9 months, then we decided to leave it all together and find our own place. My girlfriend was about to graduate, so we could afford it. Only since we broke up, I now realise that this all was just running away from the pain. I was no longer confronted with my grief and pain, I could do whatever I wanted. This is why things got out of hand. I failed my internship, had a burn-out, we moved into an apartment, and I started to feel very very lonely while I was having a depression. Never ever had I considered this might be due the passing away of my mother. Beceause: that meant being confronted with pain, you don't do that when no one tells you to do so. So yes, things went completely out of hand and I cheated. I was just looking for some attention FROM someone. How could I do that, when I had a girlfriend. At first I thought it was her, but no. I'm just looking for that unconditional piece of love only a mother could give you. I had no parents left, so I started searching for that piece of love in my girl. And how much she was trying, something like that is impossible. I neaver realised that untill now...I'm disgusted with myself. I betrayed her, and I betrayed myself. Of course she is mad at me, she has every right to it. But I neaver figured out why I did it, until now. I thought it was her, but it's beceause I'm looking for something to fill that enourmous emotional hole.

Running away from pain and looking for things to fill it, or ease it with lust is a very bad thing to do. I did the same thing when my dad passed away, I fled into extreme car hobby's, dropped out of school, but everything got better. Why? Beceause I still had my mother who unconsiously confronted us with our pain. It wasn't easy to run away from it. But now I don't have my mother, I even left the house to run away from the pain. And my girlfriend? She does everything with the best intentions to ease my pain. Proffesional help? I had it, until the psychologist said: "do whatever makes you feel right", so I became someone who only was busy running away.

 

When I came to the conclusion sex was not the way to ease the pain, I became preoccupied with my hobby's (again failing in college), thus running away again and becoming distant towards my girl. Last holiday it all exploded. We thought this holiday was going to releive our stress, but even then I was more occupied with my hobby's then be there for her. That's what I think made her break up.

 

Perhaps this was meant to happen, and I think it's a good thing it happened. I see things more clearly now. I now see I'm just running away from pain, and it's only me who is responsible for my future. So I wrote her all this in a letter. I gave the letter to her, along with my keys to our apartment. She said: "thanks for the keys and your letter. Perhaps I want to talk about it in a time, but not for now". I don't know, but I see this as a positive sign. Despite her being angry, she perhaps sees it was not about her, it is my fault, combined with the situation we got into.

 

What should I do now? As I'm writing this, I'm very confident again I will graduate within the next six months, I'm working on myself and getting my **** together. But when do I contact her? Should I consider a period of no contact?

 

update: I forgot to mention, technicaly we didn't broke up, she needed time and space. But all this moving out seems to make an end to all of it

Edited September 25, 2015 by Jigsaw

[frigginlost]

Hi all,

 

The following story could be deep and long, but please consider reading it.

 

Some background info:

 

Me: Male, 27yo

She: Female, 24yo

Relationship for: 3,5 years

Living together: the past year

 

 

Quick summary: This month, september 1, I got dumped by my (ex)girlfriend. She said she was doubting our relationship, and the time I cheated on her was an important factor in her decision. She needed time alone so I agreed with her and left our apartment. I currently live with my brother and I have been gradually moving my stuff out her apartment to his place. I signed all the papers and the only thing thats left our some minor tools I will pick up tommorow. She has been acting very cold and distant since then. As if I never existed. She is furious and I get that.

 

All in all we had a great relationship, everything went well. We we're both students and things just worked out and went naturraly. We made plans on living together and getting married eventually. Things took a wrong turn when my mam suddenly passed away two years ago (my dad already died suddenly 9 years ago). So these two years have been very traumatic for us. The pain is indescribable, and I did not fully accept it. I'm the oldest son out of three. This personal pain, plus the responsibility that got on my shoulders was too much. I started running away from it. I was a graduate intern at that time. Everytime I got home, I got home to an empty house which didn't feel like home. It was a mess, my brothers didn't clean the house, so when I got back to relax from my day, I was confronted with even more stress.

 

This lasted about 9 months, then we decided to leave it all together and find our own place. My girlfriend was about to graduate, so we could afford it. Only since we broke up, I now realise that this all was just running away from the pain. I was no longer confronted with my grief and pain, I could do whatever I wanted. This is why things got out of hand. I failed my internship, had a burn-out, we moved into an apartment, and I started to feel very very lonely while I was having a depression. Never ever had I considered this might be due the passing away of my mother. Beceause: that meant being confronted with pain, you don't do that when no one tells you to do so. So yes, things went completely out of hand and I cheated. I was just looking for some attention FROM someone. How could I do that, when I had a girlfriend. At first I thought it was her, but no. I'm just looking for that unconditional piece of love only a mother could give you. I had no parents left, so I started searching for that piece of love in my girl. And how much she was trying, something like that is impossible. I neaver realised that untill now...I'm disgusted with myself. I betrayed her, and I betrayed myself. Of course she is mad at me, she has every right to it. But I neaver figured out why I did it, until now. I thought it was her, but it's beceause I'm looking for something to fill that enourmous emotional hole.

Running away from pain and looking for things to fill it, or ease it with lust is a very bad thing to do. I did the same thing when my dad passed away, I fled into extreme car hobby's, dropped out of school, but everything got better. Why? Beceause I still had my mother who unconsiously confronted us with our pain. It wasn't easy to run away from it. But now I don't have my mother, I even left the house to run away from the pain. And my girlfriend? She does everything with the best intentions to ease my pain. Proffesional help? I had it, until the psychologist said: "do whatever makes you feel right", so I became someone who only was busy running away.

 

When I came to the conclusion sex was not the way to ease the pain, I became preoccupied with my hobby's (again failing in college), thus running away again and becoming distant towards my girl. Last holiday it all exploded. We thought this holiday was going to releive our stress, but even then I was more occupied with my hobby's then be there for her. That's what I think made her break up.

 

Perhaps this was meant to happen, and I think it's a good thing it happened. I see things more clearly now. I now see I'm just running away from pain, and it's only me who is responsible for my future. So I wrote her all this in a letter. I gave the letter to her, along with my keys to our apartment. She said: "thanks for the keys and your letter. Perhaps I want to talk about it in a time, but not for now". I don't know, but I see this as a positive sign. Despite her being angry, she perhaps sees it was not about her, it is my fault, combined with the situation we got into.

 

What should I do now? As I'm writing this, I'm very confident again I will graduate within the next six months, I'm working on myself and getting my **** together. But when do I contact her? Should I consider a period of no contact?

 

update: I forgot to mention, technicaly we didn't broke up, she needed time and space. But all this moving out seems to make an end to all of it

 

Simply put, you don't contact her.

 

You continue to learn about yourself, work on yourself, and move forward. She's been through the ringer with you and needs time for herself. As someone who has been cheated on, it is *extremely* hard to overcome. No matter the reasons why it happened. It is a nuclear bomb dropped on a relationship and the damage is massive.

 

If she ever wants to talk with you, or discuss things with you, she will.

 

The best you can do, is take this time to become the best version of you.

[Jigsaw]

Simply put, you don't contact her.

 

You continue to learn about yourself, work on yourself, and move forward. She's been through the ringer with you and needs time for herself. As someone who has been cheated on, it is *extremely* hard to overcome. No matter the reasons why it happened. It is a nuclear bomb dropped on a relationship and the damage is massive.

 

If she ever wants to talk with you, or discuss things with you, she will.

 

The best you can do, is take this time to become the best version of you.

 

 

Thanks for your reply. I am working on that, making sure I find my old self again. It 'could' benefit the two of us. It is her who keeps contacting me. But the things we talk about are always the same: 'when are you going to collect your stuff at my place' and all that kind of things. It looks like she is trying to punish me or teach me a lesson

[frigginlost]

Thanks for your reply. I am working on that, making sure I find my old self again. It 'could' benefit the two of us. It is her who keeps contacting me. But the things we talk about are always the same: 'when are you going to collect your stuff at my place' and all that kind of things. It looks like she is trying to punish me or teach me a lesson

 

She is not trying to punish you. She is trying to remove painful reminders.

 

I know you want to know exactly what she is thinking, and react appropriately, but you need to understand that her head is probably in 50 different places right now. She is trying to get her thoughts "in a row".

 

It took me several months to get there...

[Jigsaw]

She is not trying to punish you. She is trying to remove painful reminders.

 

I know you want to know exactly what she is thinking, and react appropriately, but you need to understand that her head is probably in 50 different places right now. She is trying to get her thoughts "in a row".

 

It took me several months to get there...

 

 

Okay, thanks again for your reply. I guess I'll just continue to give her space and get the best out of myself. Did it work out for you eventually?

[frigginlost]

Okay, thanks again for your reply. I guess I'll just continue to give her space and get the best out of myself. Did it work out for you eventually?

 

Define "work out". :-)

 

Yes, I forgave her. Yes, I learned to trust her again, but it took major efforts on her part. She became an open book with me. It took everything I had to forgive her. As weird as it sounds, the following year and a half after the "incident" (I dumped her immediately after finding out and we were not a couple for months) was the strongest we ever became as a couple.

 

We eventually broke up for other reasons.

 

Give her space. Do not contact her, but do listen to her if she wants an ear. I did not "cut-off" my ex, but I did not want to talk to her either. Sometimes I would lash out, sometimes I would act friendly, sometimes I would ignore. I did not want to hear a single excuse on why it happened. None. She learned that early on, if she tried to tell me why she did it, I would shut down and become pissed. She learned that I would ask the questions when I wanted answers and when I did, she answered every question I asked honestly, openly, and took full responsibility for her actions, and then gave me room to breathe.

 

If/when she wants to contact you she will. You just make damn sure that you do not put your life on hold, you learn from what happened, continue to work on yourself, and be someone that any woman would want to be with, because you may find that as time goes on, you're not meant for each other.

Edited September 25, 2015 by frigginlost

[Jigsaw]

Define "work out". :-)

 

Yes, I forgave her. Yes, I learned to trust her again, but it took major efforts on her part. She became an open book with me. It took everything I had to forgive her. As weird as it sounds, the following year and a half after the "incident" (I dumped her immediately after finding out and we were not a couple for months) was the strongest we ever became as a couple.

 

We eventually broke up for other reasons.

 

Give her space. Do not contact her, but do listen to her if she wants an ear. I did not "cut-off" my ex, but I did not want to talk to her either. Sometimes I would lash out, sometimes I would act friendly, sometimes I would ignore. I did not want to hear a single excuse on why it happened. None. She learned that early on, if she tried to tell me why she did it, I would shut down and become pissed. She learned that I would ask the questions when I wanted answers and when I did, she answered every question I asked honestly, openly, and took full responsibility for her actions, and then gave me room to breathe.

 

If/when she wants to contact you she will. You just make damn sure that you do not put your life on hold, you learn from what happened, continue to work on yourself, and be someone that any woman would want to be with, because you may find that as time goes on, you're not meant for each other.

 

Thank you again for your wise words. At this moment, I cannot imagine a life without her. Strangely, she said about the same thing when we broke up (she really thought I was the one). She is totally disappointed in the failure of the relationship and is now trying to forget it. Which makes it even harder for me. I know she is seeing some other guys, it takes a great toll on my patience. But I will hang in there. I just have to let her go and find myself again, again

[Jigsaw]

Update:

I went to her place to pick up all of my last stuff that was in the basement. First she invited me in to drink something. She showed me around the house and began some small talk. I didn't ask anything but she kept asking me things like: "what are you up to?", "how did your best friend responded?", "have you heard about x ?". Then, I sensed a little bragging how happy she was when she was alone. Wich is totaly weird and hard to beleive beceause she always hated it to be alone (she is very insecure) In the first week we broke up she invited all her friends over and now she is happy all by herself?

 

I said I'm happy too when I'm alone, makes me work on myself. Then a moment of silence dropped. She then continued to brag about her future plans, wanting to buy a car, she got a new contract etc. etc. I responded very polite but nothing more. I was acting a little nervous and she immediatly asked why. I said: I want to get my stuff so I can put an end to this. No reaction..

 

Then she started showing me a funny picture of a steam locomotive (I love steam trains), which was very weird again, beceause she never did such a thing. Why is she sharing this with me? What the hell does she imply?

 

When I got my stuff al packed, I handed her the key of the basement and said something like: This is it, I'm done, have a good time and goobye (not in a bad way). She then got her poker face on and said goobye and closed the door. An hour later she texted me and 'thanked' me for the mess I left in the basement..

 

What the hell is going on? It seems like she is convincing herself about making the right choice?

 

Update 2: She still has all our couple pictures still on her Facebook (though I blocked her)

Edited September 26, 2015 by Jigsaw

[ExpatInItaly]

Update:

I went to her place to pick up all of my last stuff that was in the basement. First she invited me in to drink something. She showed me around the house and began some small talk. I didn't ask anything but she kept asking me things like: "what are you up to?", "how did your best friend responded?", "have you heard about x ?". Then, I sensed a little bragging how happy she was when she was alone. Wich is totaly weird and hard to beleive beceause she always hated it to be alone (she is very insecure) In the first week we broke up she invited all her friends over and now she is happy all by herself?

 

I said I'm happy too when I'm alone, makes me work on myself. Then a moment of silence dropped. She then continued to brag about her future plans, wanting to buy a car, she got a new contract etc. etc. I responded very polite but nothing more. I was acting a little nervous and she immediatly asked why. I said: I want to get my stuff so I can put an end to this. No reaction..

 

Then she started showing me a funny picture of a steam locomotive (I love steam trains), which was very weird again, beceause she never did such a thing. Why is she sharing this with me? What the hell does she imply?

 

When I got my stuff al packed, I handed her the key of the basement and said something like: This is it, I'm done, have a good time and goobye (not in a bad way). She then got her poker face on and said goobye and closed the door. An hour later she texted me and 'thanked' me for the mess I left in the basement..

 

What the hell is going on? It seems like she is convincing herself about making the right choice?

 

Update 2: She still has all our couple pictures still on her Facebook (though I blocked her)

 

You have to understand the magnitude of what you did to her. I have been cheated on a by a long-term, live-in boyfriend too. She is probably very sad and hurt and trying to put on a brave face to herself and to convince herself that she is ok and will be ok without you. I don't think she's second-guessing her decision to break up with you, but trying to remind herself that she will eventually find happiness again. Cheating destroys a part of you and it is very difficult to get that back.

 

I wouldn't read into your photos still being on her FB. It took me some time to remove my ex's and my photos too. It seems silly, but it really is a very public acknowledgement that the relationship is over and it's painful to do. People will ask questions that she probably isn't prepared to answer yet.

 

Though you are remorseful, it isn't enough. She needs time and a lot of space. Her mind is all over the place at the moment. In my experience, the betrayal completely changed the way I looked at my ex and what I thought we had together. It was truly emotionally traumatizing. She will be up one minute and down the next. She is trying very hard to feel happy, which explains inviting her friends over and making an effort to feel ok being alone.

[mike_89]

I have cheated on one my exes and I have managed to make it work afterwards but our situations are nowhere near comparable. When I cheated there were clear precedents (in fact we broke up a year later because of these same precedents, not because I cheated). In your case it seems like you cheated on her even though she gave you no reasons to do so. I think she will never get over this, or be able to trust you again (how can she possibly know you will not cheat on her again if, say, one of your brothers were to pass away).

 

Like the others say just give her space but from your last post it seems like you want to end it all anyway, and I think this might be the better option in your case. You need to make up your mind if you ever want to be with her again but consider that she may never trust you again or even want to be with you at all any more.

And yeah, she is really convincing herself that she made the right choice by saying all these things about how happy she is right now. She is in denial of the pain.

[Jigsaw]

I have cheated on one my exes and I have managed to make it work afterwards but our situations are nowhere near comparable. When I cheated there were clear precedents (in fact we broke up a year later because of these same precedents, not because I cheated). In your case it seems like you cheated on her even though she gave you no reasons to do so. I think she will never get over this, or be able to trust you again (how can she possibly know you will not cheat on her again if, say, one of your brothers were to pass away).

 

You are right, she didn't gave me any reason, but the whole mess with the passing away of my mother did. Of course she felt like I did it beceause I made it look it were her shortcomings. But the thing is, only when I broke up I realised it was never her fault. I was looking for attention in a way only a mother could offer to you. The unconditional love. And yes, it was too easy to look for it in my girlfriend, she was the one closest to me after all. And she even tried to give it. But no matter how hard she tried, I still felt lonely. I never made the connection with the emotional gap my mother left me. Of course I didn't, running away from it was becoming my daily job. And you are right again, nothing can give her the guarantee I won't do it again, beceause to her it seems I was in full control when I did it. As I said before, I now see the pattern why I did it.

 

 

Like the others say just give her space but from your last post it seems like you want to end it all anyway, and I think this might be the better option in your case. You need to make up your mind if you ever want to be with her again but consider that she may never trust you again or even want to be with you at all any more.

And yeah, she is really convincing herself that she made the right choice by saying all these things about how happy she is right now. She is in denial of the pain.

 

No I don't want to end it. Quite the opposite, but I did not want to give into my emotions and beg for forgiveness. Two weeks ago I wrote her a letter where I explained the whole situation. I apologized for the pain I caused her, and with it, myself. She then texted me and thanked me for the letter. She said she perhaps wanted to talk about it in the future, but for now she wants space.

 

Only thing I can do is give her this space, so she can remove this 'bad' image of me. And actions speak louder than words, so in the meantime I gotta work on myself and my problems. Get my degree and make an attempt to show her I was indeed a 'different' guy back then.

Edited September 27, 2015 by Jigsaw

[ExpatInItaly]

You are right, she didn't gave me any reason, but the whole mess with the passing away of my mother did. Of course she felt like I did it beceause I made it look it were her shortcomings. But the thing is, only when I broke up I realised it was never her fault. I was looking for attention in a way only a mother could offer to you. The unconditional love. And yes, it was too easy to look for it in my girlfriend, she was the one closest to me after all. And she even tried to give it. But no matter how hard she tried, I still felt lonely. I never made the connection with the emotional gap my mother left me. Of course I didn't, running away from it was becoming my daily job. And you are right again, nothing can give her the guarantee I won't do it again, beceause to her it seems I was in full control when I did it. As I said before, I now see the pattern why I did it.

 

 

 

 

No I don't want to end it. Quite the opposite, but I did not want to give into my emotions and beg for forgiveness. Two weeks ago I wrote her a letter where I explained the whole situation. I apologized for the pain I caused her, and with it, myself. She then texted me and thanked me for the letter. She said she perhaps wanted to talk about it in the future, but for now she wants space.

 

Only thing I can do is give her this space, so she can remove this 'bad' image of me. And actions speak louder than words, so in the meantime I gotta work on myself and my problems. Get my degree and make an attempt to show her I was indeed a 'different' guy back then.

 

This is the best thing you can do. Focus on you. Understand that she may never gain back the perception she once had of you. I've been in her shoes and it changed everything I thought I knew. If and when she is ready to talk, she will come to you.

[Jigsaw]

Thanks for your reply! How do I know she is ready to talk? I mean she keeps contacting me with texts. I haven't replied on them yet and I'm not planning to do so. But are there any clear indicators when I should respond to them?

[ExpatInItaly]

Respond when and if she says she wants to talk about the relationship. Right now she's likely having a lot of trouble letting go, since you were her number 1 for a while. That's a hard habit to undo, hence the texting. I did the same when my ex and I split up, simply because I was so used to sharing everything with him. Day by day that feeling disappeared though.

 

If she knows you'd be open to reconciliation, then she will let you know if she comes to a point where she is too,

[Jigsaw]

Okay thanks again! The best for me is to stay in NC I guess? So, no birthday cards on her birthday in two months?

[ExpatInItaly]

Okay thanks again! The best for me is to stay in NC I guess? So, no birthday cards on her birthday in two months?

 

No, no birthday cards. You don't even need to be thinking that far ahead yet.

 

Keep up NC for now. She will need a lot of space to get her mind sorted out.

 

Out of curiosity, how did she discover you'd cheated?

[Jigsaw]

No, no birthday cards. You don't even need to be thinking that far ahead yet.

 

Keep up NC for now. She will need a lot of space to get her mind sorted out.

 

Out of curiosity, how did she discover you'd cheated?

 

She didn't discover, I told her within half an hour it happened.

[louxor]

The only thing you can do is leave her be. Being cheated on is very hard to forgive, no matter how sorry the cheater is are or how good their explanation is.

 

Not only have you completely destroyed all the trust she had in you, but you've buried it in the ground and covered it in cement. The decision has to come from her, and her only, and don't be surprised if it takes her a good deal of time either.

 

You have to understand that if she does take you back (BIG emphasis on the if), you will have to be 110% open with her about every single thing that is going on in your life if you want her to ever trust you again. If she wants your social media passwords, you give them to her. If she wants to know who's at the party and who you are with, or doesn't want you to go at all, you do it. You basically have to be willing to do everything she wants in order for her to regain that trust, otherwise the relationship will not work because she will constantly be worried that you may cheat again.

 

So given all that, you have to ask yourself: Even if she takes me back, am I willing to open up every single little part of my life to her, to sacrifice basically all my privacy, and my decisons in order to regain her trust.

[frigginlost]

The only thing you can do is leave her be. Being cheated on is very hard to forgive, no matter how sorry the cheater is are or how good their explanation is.

 

Not only have you completely destroyed all the trust she had in you, but you've buried it in the ground and covered it in cement. The decision has to come from her, and her only, and don't be surprised if it takes her a good deal of time either.

 

You have to understand that if she does take you back (BIG emphasis on the if), you will have to be 110% open with her about every single thing that is going on in your life if you want her to ever trust you again. If she wants your social media passwords, you give them to her. If she wants to know who's at the party and who you are with, or doesn't want you to go at all, you do it. You basically have to be willing to do everything she wants in order for her to regain that trust, otherwise the relationship will not work because she will constantly be worried that you may cheat again.

 

So given all that, you have to ask yourself: Even if she takes me back, am I willing to open up every single little part of my life to her, to sacrifice basically all my privacy, and my decisons in order to regain her trust.

 

Read the above words over and over again, because louxor nailed it. You have no idea how bad cheating screws with a person.

 

I'm not gonna lie, it was *extremely* tough to build trust again. But, it's not only the person cheated on that is gonna be put through a test. The cheater is going to show their true colors fairly quick. They are going to have to be an open book... and to some cheaters, they can ride that train for only so long. My ex never wavered on my insecurities as I was building trust in her again.

 

You really need to think about all of this. Are you comfortable with giving up some of your independence (read all of it) for several months if she were to give you another chance? Because I will flat out tell you, if my ex lied to me, even in the slightest while I was rebuilding my trust in her, I would have bolted. And I don't mean "we have to have a talk". I mean I would have disappeared without a word. Can you handle knowing that you will be walking a cliff with no safety rope?

 

Or... do you take what you have learned and start anew with another, letting her do the same?

[ExpatInItaly]

The only thing you can do is leave her be. Being cheated on is very hard to forgive, no matter how sorry the cheater is are or how good their explanation is.

 

Not only have you completely destroyed all the trust she had in you, but you've buried it in the ground and covered it in cement. The decision has to come from her, and her only, and don't be surprised if it takes her a good deal of time either.

 

You have to understand that if she does take you back (BIG emphasis on the if), you will have to be 110% open with her about every single thing that is going on in your life if you want her to ever trust you again. If she wants your social media passwords, you give them to her. If she wants to know who's at the party and who you are with, or doesn't want you to go at all, you do it. You basically have to be willing to do everything she wants in order for her to regain that trust, otherwise the relationship will not work because she will constantly be worried that you may cheat again.

 

So given all that, you have to ask yourself: Even if she takes me back, am I willing to open up every single little part of my life to her, to sacrifice basically all my privacy, and my decisons in order to regain her trust.

 

I want to add that it can also affect the person after the relationship has ended. I still struggle to trust again after having betrayed, and my ex and split a few years ago now. It's important to really grasp the far-reaching consequences of your actions, OP. If she decides to give it another go, it's not going to be an easy ride for either of you.

[frigginlost]

I want to add that it can also affect the person after the relationship has ended. I still struggle to trust again after having betrayed, and my ex and split a few years ago now. It's important to really grasp the far-reaching consequences of your actions, OP. If she decides to give it another go, it's not going to be an easy ride for either of you.

 

Truer words have never been spoken.

 

I think a pinned thread regarding the effects/aftereffects of what happens to someone when cheated on could be a good thing here.

 

I, like yourself, still struggle at times. Being cheated on really does not leave a person. You more or less just come to terms with the fact, that people can and do do things without regard to the consequences of their actions. And because of that, you keep a little part of you locked away and out of reach of being hurt like that again.

 

It's sad.

[Jigsaw]

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