arrow12 Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 My ex and I broke up about 6 months ago and I went into strict no contact so as to be able to move on. About 3 months ago he messaged me saying he'd made a huge mistake and really regretted breaking up, that he still had really strong feelings for me and wanted to get back together, we talked about the reasons we had broken up in the first place (he's really busy and didn't have much time to see me and it caused stress on both sides and led to a lot of arguing, we were together for 5 months and the arguing only started about 2 weeks before we broke up). He said he wasn't sure what to do because that hasn't changed, I replied saying in that case stop leading me on and leave me alone . Then about a month later he messaged asking to meet up when we were both back so we could talk about us, I agreed because I very much wanted to get back together. When we were both back I messaged asking when he was free he said Sunday and I said that was fine. However on the Saturday he and I were both on a night out (he didn't know I was) and I got a message off him asking where I was, I told him and he said I'm gonna come meet you I'd like to see you. We then had a great night all my friends and his, he had an arm around me all night, kept hugging me but I wouldn't kiss him. He asked me to go home with him so we could talk and I initially said no but then him and his friends ended up coming back with my friends to my flat were we all hung out laughing and jokin etc. I then excused myself to go to bed and he followed me asking if we could talk, by this point I was pretty much sober so I said fine. We went into my room and he took my hand and said he really really liked me and wanted us to get back together but he didn't think it would work, that we'd tried before and it had ended badly, that he didn't want to hurt me again because he just couldn't promise that he'd be able to spend much time with me and it was too stressful. So I said that's fine but then why are you here and he said you have no idea how strong my feelings for you are, I've missed everything about you, I've not been able to stop thinking about you this whole time, my feelings are so strong so I said why can't we just try again. We went round and round in circles till 7am him just saying how much he wanted to be with me but couldn't and me sayin. I don't understand what you want!? I know I shouldn't have but we slept together a couple of times that night. In the morning we talked about he more and he said he was thinking about it. He asked if we could hang out again casually when he was free but I said I couldn't do that if he was never going to want more, he said he didn't want to hurt me so I should move on and after a little bit more talking he left. I've not heard anything from him since, I feel like if he really had such strong feelings he'd be willing to try just once more, I told him I understood the risks of what I would be going into and he just kept saying he couldn't do it, at this point I started crying and I said to him you don't even seem bothered about not seeing me again, as he said just because I don't show my emotions the way you do doesn't mean this isn't hurting me. Did he just get drunk and use me for sex one last time? Has he taken advantage of the way I felt about him if he was never going to get back together with me? He made me feel like we were meeting up to talk about the issues, address them and work through them so we could try again so I thought things were gonna be okay. I'm in love with him and all I want is to be with him, does anybody know what I should do? Will giving him space allow him to think about it and change his mind? I need to understand why he did this and what I can do, I'm not ready to move on Link to post Share on other sites
Christos Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Well, sometimes you need to use the truth like a club and hit someone on the head with it: Yes, he used you just for sex because prostitutes are expensive. Plus, he got a big ego boost from it. You don't get an ego boost from a prostitute... I am willing to bet the reason he had been "busy" where other women and not "work". Unless you count hunting other women as "work"... Look, a man in love always makes time, always fights to be with the woman he loves, never betrays her, never abandons her. Everything else are excuses and lies. Period. You should NEVER have sex with an ex the first day you meet them again. After a few months, dating with an ex should be treated like a new relationship from the ground up. You don't have sex with total strangers at your first date, do you? He will never respect you, or love you. Forget about him, total NC, and for God's sake, find another man already so you won't be as needy when he inevitably comes back to you for another ONS. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 There is absolutely nothing you can do to force him to change his mind. He doesn't want a relationship with you. Sorry..... You have to move on. You have no choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 He just wanted some sex from you. If he wanted you, he would have taken you back. If you're in love with someone, you will find or make the time to be with them. He's not in love with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Protec Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 He just wanted sex from you. Some men will say anything and do anything to get laid. And once they get what they wanted, they will forget you. If man really likes you, and really wants you back. He will show it and he will take you back. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Sorry hon but it does sound like a sex ploy. The thing is, he's working it so that you'll be a side piece in the future too by stringing you along emotionally. (He may not be doing this with purely evil intentions, but that's what it'll amount to.) You need to just end it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Penguins Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 5 times he told you his intentions from your story above. It seems that he was pretty clear as to how he feels and what he really wants. I am so sorry. He is using you and being coy yet upfront about it. I am sorry for your pain. It is time to move on, find someone who loves you for who you are and wants to be with you. 1. "He said he wasn't sure what to do because that hasn't changed," 2. "he really really liked me and wanted us to get back together but he didn't think it would work," 3. "that he didn't want to hurt me again because he just couldn't promise that he'd be able to spend much time with me and it was too stressful." 4. "how much he wanted to be with me but couldn't" 5. "he said he didn't want to hurt me so I should move on" Link to post Share on other sites
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