912brian24 Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 just want to get everyone's thoughts on the ole "right person wrong time" deal!! Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 The only time I could see this is if you meet someone while traveling or cheating is involved. Link to post Share on other sites
LeslieKnope Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I've been through it. My ex wasn't in the right headspace after a 6 year on-again/off-again relationship with his previous ex (they were even engaged!). His ex-ex spent much of the relationship being emotionally abusive and cheated on him multiple times (to be honest, based on his description of her - and I know it wasn't an unbiased voice - I always thought she had borderline personality disorder). Sadly, SHE left him for another guy, which left him heartbroken, resentful and with serious trust and commitment issues. She broke up with him in May 2014. I started dating him in January 2015 and found out about the ex-fiancee near the end of February. In my head I thought, okay, nearly 8 months since the split, he might be okay. But in retrospect, I realize there were more wrinkles involved than even he realized: they had a house together and she didn't move out (to be with the other guy) until summer 2014. They then only sold the house and finished dividing the assets in December 2014. Even though they were talking entirely through lawyers at that point (I think), in essence he'd really only been emotionally separated from her for a month, if that (thanks to all the LS'ers who taught me that a breakup isn't a breakup until the exes are completely out of our lives!). Essentially, he jumped too soon. When he split with me this May, he finally admitted as much. Prior to me going NC, he told me constantly that he was 'damaged' or 'ruined' and was clearly clinically depressed, blaming himself entirely for the mess he made with me AND the ex (frankly, he exhibits classic abuse-victim characteristics, albeit not physical). He still attempts contact quite a bit, mostly asking me about random things he knows/guesses I'm interested in, at hours when he's likely lonely and hoping I'm not out (Friday/Saturday night). I think he even lurks on twitter to follow my twitter feed, but that's another story... I'm pretty sure it was a case of bad timing and I would be lying if I didn't wish every single damn day that he'd get over his issues and we'd get back together. But there's no definite timeline that exists for that - it could be a month from now, it could be two years from now, by which time I'm assuming I'll be with someone great that's totally ready for me. But it still makes me sad. A lot. Anyway, there's really no point on dwelling if he/she was the right person at the wrong time. These are hypotheticals that don't exist in reality, much as it pains me. So best to move on and hope for sunnier days ahead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 i think the right person comes at the right time..it's part of why they're the right one. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 just want to get everyone's thoughts on the ole "right person wrong time" deal!! I once thought that I'd met the right person at the wrong time. But what I realized as I got older is that really, we could have only had the time we were given. As our lives went off into two different trajectories, it became clear there was no other magical time when it would have worked out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatfrazzle Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 I think it is bull$hit. If they were the right person, whatever was going on would be irrelevant. They would have done everything they could to stay with you regardless of what is going on. There is never a 'right time', we will always have something going on which will require a certain amount of give and take. The fact is that if they were the right person, they would be there through thick and thin. The better version would be 'the right person stays with you during the wrong time' 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 The fact is that if they were the right person, they would be there through thick and thin. I can't ignore the validity of this statement. Personally, if I find someone whom I feel that strongly for, nothing on Earth would stand in my way to be with them. Come hell or high water, I'd be there. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatfrazzle Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I can't ignore the validity of this statement. Personally, if I find someone whom I feel that strongly for, nothing on Earth would stand in my way to be with them. Come hell or high water, I'd be there. And If the other person doesn't feel that way, leave, because sooner or later they will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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