ex started dating a months after our breakup - how to cope?

[alwayswannanap]

So. Just found out that this guy who I saw for 6 months started dating someone 1 month after our breakup. We broke up for a reason. there was a lot of fighting and he lied to me about his exgf. I found out accidentally through fb that he started dating someone a month after we broke up and made it fb official, which is something he was always against (i couldn't care less so it wasn't a problem for me). This is also the most random girl and doesn't seem to be the type that he'd be interested in. I unfriended him right away and was honestly pretty hurt. I think part of it is that I don't know how he can move on so fast after our relationship (it didn't last very long but it was really intense and I still have lingering feelings) and how he would make it public so fast. I know that he doesn't owe me but it puzzles me how he can move on so fast without considering my feelings even just as a friend. I mean if it helps him feel better, that's great. but it hurts me and sucks for me. I feel disrespected and forgotten. I would appreciate it if I could get some perspectives from people with how I can cope with this.

Edited August 18, 2015 by alwayswannanap

[aloneinaz]

Hi there,

 

 

Here's the deal. You said you two were not getting along and where fighting. The R/S only lasted 6 months which isn't terribly long. You dumped him because of these issues. He accepted your decision because he probably wasn't happy w/you either.

 

 

Personally, I don't think him dating someone after only 1 month, out of a bad R/S is un-usual. I'm not sure how emotionally invested he got at only 6 months, especially if there was lots of arguing and fighting.

 

 

When you freed him up, he might of felt relief. He then started exploring his options and found this new person. My last ex dumped me after a 1.4 year, toxic R/S that I should of ended. I was dating 6 weeks later and met my now 2 year GF 3-4 months after she ended it.

 

 

Understand, there's lot of guys and gals who get dumped and say to themselves "you don't want me in your life? You got it". They then move on to find someone who will appreciate them like I did.

 

 

How do you cope? You recognize all the issues that you didn't like about him that made you two incompatible. You dumped him for a reason. Remember those reasons. Focus on you and moving onto someone you're more compatible with. Don't tell yourself you made this "horrible" decision and you miss him so much. As I said in your other thread, I don't think you miss him. I think after being single again for a month plus, you're getting lonely and miss being in a R/S and having someone in your life on a daily basis. It's normal to feel that way. You will move past this and start to date again. Stop worrying about what he's doing and who's he's with. He's not your worry any more.

[alwayswannanap]

Hi there,

 

 

Here's the deal. You said you two were not getting along and where fighting. The R/S only lasted 6 months which isn't terribly long. You dumped him because of these issues. He accepted your decision because he probably wasn't happy w/you either.

 

 

Personally, I don't think him dating someone after only 1 month, out of a bad R/S is un-usual. I'm not sure how emotionally invested he got at only 6 months, especially if there was lots of arguing and fighting.

 

 

When you freed him up, he might of felt relief. He then started exploring his options and found this new person. My last ex dumped me after a 1.4 year, toxic R/S that I should of ended. I was dating 6 weeks later and met my now 2 year GF 3-4 months after she ended it.

 

 

Understand, there's lot of guys and gals who get dumped and say to themselves "you don't want me in your life? You got it". They then move on to find someone who will appreciate them like I did.

 

 

How do you cope? You recognize all the issues that you didn't like about him that made you two incompatible. You dumped him for a reason. Remember those reasons. Focus on you and moving onto someone you're more compatible with. Don't tell yourself you made this "horrible" decision and you miss him so much. As I said in your other thread, I don't think you miss him. I think after being single again for a month plus, you're getting lonely and miss being in a R/S and having someone in your life on a daily basis. It's normal to feel that way. You will move past this and start to date again. Stop worrying about what he's doing and who's he's with. He's not your worry any more.

 

Thanks a lot I think you are right. I'll keep it in mind and try to move past this stage.

[GlisteningGlue]

Also maybe in those moments of jealous feelings you could take comfort in the fact that it's not likely he found some happily ever after right after you, I know that's what I had the most trouble with when this happened to me last year. Same scenario, dated for an intense 6 month mess only he was the one to break things off, then a month later I was devasted to find him and some girl fb official. She also didnt seem to have anything superficially in common with him/not at all his type from her profile anyway. What do ya know it ended two weeks later and when we got back together for a short time afterwards that he said he had no clue why he even dated her

 

My point being this is probably the situation considering it being after a month (not likely to have met someone he truly likes yet) , jumping to make it fb official when thats out of character and her not seeming like his type at all point to rushing in a rebound I think. I skimmed your other posts and agree with the above poster that he probably emotionally checked out a while before the breakup of such a turbulant relationship with you but is feeling the void inside himself. You didnt mention wether hes that insecure type but i was surprised to find out even guys can be emotional reactors like that and its not so "much moving on" as it is reacting to being truly alone now.

 

As for his stoic behavior when you went to get your stuff back that might be a face he puts on to keep from wearing the feelings of being rejected even if he knew he needed to end.