Eating cake? GIGS?

[Dudearino]

Gonna summarize the past few years fast forward to this year. Hope it would be too long. I know generally why I lost her. Just want any suggestions how to possibly save it IF the chance happens. A lot of people will say move on, but we never really had arguements. We connect very well mentally & physically just take my word for it. Anyways just read.

 

Ex fiance (she's 23 now) and I (26) have been dating for about 4 years off & on. Pretty much each others first loves. Honestly believe we are soul mates, and I'd say she'd agree. There is a difference between soul mates & a life partner. Anyways... Typically I'd break it off because I was so involved in sign language at the time, and she didnt really care not try very much (Looking back I know this was the main problem with ME not accepting she didnt want to learn. I was too stubborn to see that until recent times). I guess maybe I had GIGS/wanted to see what else was out there at the time.

 

Fast forward to September 2014... had a new job that was sign language based which I let emotions attach to me, and I brought it home. This hard of hearing girl started talking to me in July/Aug 2014, and I kept brushing her off. Anyways, ex saw the messages. I admit I talked to her but it wasn't anything sexual. So things got a little bumpy so I broke it off with the ex. However, after ex confronted me about other girl I was always transpare t with her hell she even would sit, and read what we talked about. Then didnt talk to other girl for about a month until she found out I was single. Didnt break up with ex over this girl it was just a mutual thing at the time. Reading this probably doesn't look that way, but there's no point in lying. So just go with it. Messed around with other girl Oct until Thanksgiving 2014. I came back to ex around the same time. We didnt immediately jump back into anything but spent Christmas together etc.

 

January... dropped the sign language stuff to try to get a better handle of my self let alone everything else...told ex that it just seemed like we were best friends who happen to have sex. She agreed at the time so we took another little break until late Febuary. She got super jealous if she'd even see a flirt on Facebook or something.

 

March rolls around and all this **** just hits me finally that it was mostly me ruining everything because of the sign language. Granted she wouldn't speak her mind about us very often because she still is afraid of my anger (Terrible in the past, but I'd like to say its about 90% under control. Ya know when you make an improvement you can tell). So I genuinely try to reconcile this. She was like the plates in pieces it'll be tough (funny I know me crawling through broken glass lol). She didnt know if she wanted to work on it. I was very needy from March til Late May. I cried a lot until she'd calm me down. Even though, she was firm in her decision. We had a good trip to a local casino spent the night had a ball. Probably one of the greatest weekends we've spent together (Maybe its where its fresh in my mind)

 

April 2015. The last time we actually had sex was around her birthday early April. Then she started going hold and cold. Wouldnt want to mess around or anything etc. Still would go out, drink, kiss, and around this time she said "I love you, but not in love with you." Going on little vacations with family or so she said.

 

End of May we are still going out for supper, beer, once in a while come over watch tv cuddle nothing more. Until the night of a concert that she wanted to see... Last minute she wanted to go so I said sure lets go. We held hands made out etc. Once again another great night. So next day she blocks me on facebook saying that she really wants to think about everything. So me never going through this was like ok no problem. Hindsight is 20/20. So created a fake profile checked her facebook noticed she tagged another dude saying wishing he could go. So I confronted her about that. She said oh we met off a facebook group he likes said artist then shes like just like you have sign language friends. Didnt think much of it at the time because she really said it like the dude didnt mean anything.

 

June... early June she finally tells me she doesnt want to be with me, and I just break down crying etc. Took her notes, flowers, etc (Which I have been doing since March). Anyways, I just felt something was off. So got into her facebook and found out she has been dating this guy since April. Of course, I confronted her about it. She finally came clean after having to almost prying it out of her. I was angry yes but I never raised my voice (Just had to prove to her she didnt have to be afraid because Im not that kind of guy.). So long story short she had been lying to me, her family (telling them she was going out with friends when she was going out with me her freakin mom didnt even know) , and this guy who she has been talking to since about late Febuary who lives 9 hours away from here. One of my favorite things was she wanted to see what I looked like clean shaven because I've always haf a beard. Granted didnt go clean shaven, but trimmed it up very nicely. That night she was alll over me...(New BF is clean shaved) We ate out one last time June 21st I think just to be on the same page. Minus this we've always been super open so she came clean I guess her conscience was bothering her. I've sent 3 texts, 1 call, and 1 email since June 21st. She only responded to the call lol.

 

Did sent dude a simple message letting him know what was going on. (Im a firm believer in the golden rule, and its not this duders fault directly.) He told my ex to tell me to leave him alone... WTF lol. A simple thanks or youre a liar is what I was expecting, but some people dont have a spine.

 

I still love this woman, and I know deep down she still does me. Granted all this crap has happened.

 

Anyways my opinions,

 

I think she potentially has GIGS / seeing if something else is out there (because she was still into me even though it was hot/cold).

 

She done it because I did something similiar

 

She is confused.

 

She was using him for sex. Using me for emotional. Now shes stuck with him for both

 

She was already LOOKING for a job and an apt with him 2 months into the relationship with LD guy. Already says she has found her man loves him yadada.

 

She was keeping me by in case the new relationship failed.

 

I am trying my damnest to grasp everything.

 

No contact has been very difficult. I typically make it a week then I break down looking at something / text (no responses)... really working on it. Got good friends & been excerising like crazy.

 

And the most important thing I've told myself even if she comes back she has to go through broken glass. She has to want it. Im changing everyday slowly. Im not needy Im not desperate. To the point of I dont care. Deep down I still love her. Not sure if she still does. I believe deep down she does, but is afraid. Not angry & I forgive her. No point to be at all. Just gotta let it go and let it be.

 

Any suggestions would be great. Anything really would be great. Criticism is welcome haha. If you made it this far thanks for reading even if you are a total stranger it means more than you know.

Edited July 31, 2015 by Dudearino

[PaperCrane]

Doesn't sound like she's in a healthy spot to have a relationship if she can't be honest about what she's feeling/doing.

 

Tell her you're done. Honestly.

 

If your friend told you this story, what would you tell him to do?

If my friend told me this story, I'd laugh and tell him he dodged a bullet and buy him a drink.

[Dudearino]

I would agree with you definitely. She is not her typical self.

 

I did tell her I thank her for the memories but I cant talk to you period if you're with another guy (which I broke that lol) and I definitely cant be your best friend either. She has no friends unless its someone she works with OR her cousins which I dont count that.

 

It just sucks. It is what it is. My buddy said to find peace & meet someone on my level. So its time to do that.

 

If only we could have a nice beer right now, but cyber cheers!