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My sons mother


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Aliastyler

Hey all,

 

So my son is almost 5 months old now and I've barely been able to see him. His mother moved back to where her family is almost 9 hours away. I messed up a year ago by getting addicted to pain killers that originally started as prescribed for my wisdom teeth. I admit(hard to swallow my pride) I was completely in the wrong. She had her mistakes but I take the blame. When she moved we communicated and she was all for us reconciling once I got help and could stay clean. Well I'm proud to say I did it in April and have been strong since. She came for my sisters graduation in early June for two days and we got along. But after that point it's been downhill. She said she could never trust me again and would never give the thought of us being something more than parents. Well I had to put myself first for awhile and spent a lot of money getting help to stay clean. I have slacked on helping with my son and I feel horrible for it. How could I have been so stupid to choose pills over them. Well I'm in the process of putting myself on child support to help out and I was needing advice for ways to appeal to her in order to give me a chance. I'm a great guy that messed up and I want her to see it. She keeps saying I'm all talk etc. will stepping up to being a father for him help me? It eats me up knowing I have not helped out and not being there for him. I truly love my son and want to make the best out of the situation.

 

I hate that I'm not close to see him all the time but I'm even willing to get a job in their city just so I can be close to him. I was going next weekend to see him but then she became hostile and told me to stop talking to her. So now idk if I can even go see them. She makes it clear that she could care less if I came but I think it's wrong. She should want our son to have his father visit. She is as my best friend said a cancer to me. even before the addiction would talk to her ex from a diff state etc. just a negative mindset about things and you ask why I try to reconcile well I guess love is blind. I do think part of the reason it's harder is i also moved to where family was and have no friends here so I get lonely easier. I really am considering keeping my distance and only talking about our son instead of including things about usAny advice on how to improve the mess I've made? Thanks

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Hire a good lawyer to work out a fair custody arrangement & child support. Let her go.

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Your best friend called her a cancer. He knows her. We don't. But such strong language makes me think there's more to it then her not being able to handle your addiction.

 

She's using your child as a pawn. That level of manipulation tells me she is a bad selfish person. Who does that to a kid?

 

She has repeatedly said she doesn't trust you. Even though you are clean, some people (her) can't get past the sins committed by addicts. If you are not up to your step where you make amends, even when you do, she may not have it in her to forgive & forget. Accordingly you have to let her go.

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Aliastyler

Thank you for that. I and others have said she is manipulating and using my son as a pawn before. A few ppl that barely knew her would ask if she was bi polar with the way she acts. All she repeats is from the past so no I don't think she is going to get over it just yet. What's done is done is what I tell her. I've made amends and gotten clean and I get that rubbed in my face. She made it known to both our families so I even apologized to her entire family. She is trying to do supervised visits bc of this when she told me I'm no danger to our son which contradicts the need for supervised visits. Basically her trying to control it all and get her way. Maybe I don't need her in my life. I'm just alone now and haven't been like this for a long time and don't know how to handle things with no friends here. As my best friend said I need more self worth and not let her ruin my happiness. Thank you so much

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