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Do Both Parties in a Broken Relationship Leave Clean/Unaffected?


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This thought came to me as I was responding to some posts. Most of the postings are from our own perspectives. I really wonder how my ex is feeling - although she has already found someone new and indicated that she would be marrying him as he is "the one".

 

Does she feel like I feel? I asked her to give me all of our pictures together so that she can start her new life. I admit that is a little pathetic on my part but I rather have them then she throw them out as I feel that I value the relationship to want to keep it alive while she has already moved on. She was crying when we last spoke but were they crocodile tears? Does she really feel sad or just play-actng?

 

Any thoughts?

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I have wondered that also. Wonder what our exes would say on Loveshack? Would they even take the time to even write about us? Wonder if they are affected at all by us??

 

I do know that when I first registered with Loveshack, my (now) ex got on my history on my computer and read everything. I ended up having to have my name changed on some of the posts that I knew would cause a monumental argument...that or the beginning of WW3!

 

Since then, I think he has forgotten about it. I doubt he would even take the time to get on here and see if I have written anything lately.

 

I do know that back about a year ago he said that he posted on LS some about me. Never did figure out his name though! Wouldn't I love to know...

 

But as for now...I think he couldn't care less.

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Well from talkign to my ex of 2 weeks tonight, it seemed he does feel some of the same stuff. He thinks of me, he said it's hard when he drives past my house often and when he noticed I had my Christmas tree up, it made him feel bad he wasn't part of my life to know when i was doing these things anymore.

 

I think unless you really have done something to make each other feel hatred then even when someone has fallen out of love with you, they probably still have a lot of feelings for you. Because at one point they did love you and they probably have a lot of happy memories of good times you'd shared. I am sure it is tough even when you know you don't want to be together anymore, you still miss certain things about the person and the realtionship.

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That is so harsh of her to tell you that she broke up with you for "the one".

 

Although I hate the fact that my ex basically broke up with me to see another woman, I can't help but think now (since over two months have passed) that he is really into her. I mean when I first met my ex he was sort of getting over his ex girlfriend, who he'd broken up with maybe a year before. I was also getting over somebody. We were sort of pathetic in the beginning. But he and I both talked about those other people and I remember once or twice him saying that he'd talked to his ex. I don't know if she called or him. But I knew she was always really mad at him because of some things he did to her. She didn't seem to want to have a lot to do with him.

 

Anyway, but there have been no calls from my ex and I don't even get the feeling he regrets the decision to change over to a new woman. So I guess I am forced to realize that he gave me up (who he was asking to marry) for somebody else that he can see as "the one". Of course I haven't heard this from him because we aren't talking at all. But I know it really hurts. I still have a lot of trouble sleeping. This is one of the things that I go over and over in my head. It seems so unfair that somebody would break up with you for somebody else and then tell you they like them better. My ex isn't telling me anything, but I guess his actions speak louder than words. I didn't like the girl he hooked up with. I thought she was a real scammer. I guess they are a good pair.

 

Anyway, if your ex is telling you all this........I'd stop talking to her. She's really rubbing it in. Not fair. My imagination is the only thing that's telling me anything about my ex. But I keep reminding myself that me and my ex would have never worked out in the long run. I keep trying to repeat that in my mind.

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lol well GreenCap, I do know they do have happy and sad moments when we are thought about. I imagine in my ex's life it is in private. She has a fit if he even talks to me! :mad: His loss actually, our friendship was long before the relationship ever was. :rolleyes:

 

Your torturing yourself hun. Why wonder what if all the time. Concentrate on you and bettering yourself! :D

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Great opinions. We can't control what others do and if the relationship were that important, they would have stayed to make it work. I know most of posts here are one sided but I can say I did not treat her badly at all. Perhaps I loved her too much and suffocated her and forgot about developing myself. Who wants to come home every night to the same person. No I am not blaming myself or her, it is just sad that something beautiful faded away to nothingness.

 

Given that on one is at fault, the chances of her coming back will be slim even if she doesn't end up marrying this bloke. Thanks for the advice debs on bettering myself. This was a tough week and I slowly and gradually let go of her. In hindsight, I was a little self-centered and selfish but my justification was to do well at work and make her proud and build the foundation for our future (home, kids etc). Because she made more than I did, I wanted her to be proud of her mate who is hardworking and brilliant careerwise and yet attentive to her. While I had spontaneity (sp?), it was not enough to keep the relationship afloat - I forgot to attend to her needs as well, concentrating solely on what I thought in my mind would make her proud of me. Deep communication was missing and I take the responisbility for that.

 

I have to cut out the what ifs and nots and buts and should haves. Can't turn back the clock. Just sad that the dreams and plans in my head for two.....and one part of it is gone forever. In time perhaps someone else will fill the void and new dreams will have to be generated and a new ring to be selected.

 

Underneath it all, I do love her and I want her to be happy. No I don't want to sound like a martyr but if I profess to love her despite her hardness of heart and unfathomnable decisions, then I have to let her go do her thing. No contact; she never existed in my life.

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GreenCap

 

Your right and I do feel your pain and understand the magnitude of this!

 

No one can take away our memories. It is how we wish to view it!

 

Right now it is the hardest season of the year for us who are hurt, betrayed and lied to! How do you find happiness when your life blew up even in view you did nothing wrong but love someone with all your heart and soul!

 

Yes the true romantics do love too deeply, we are nice people who happened upon SO's who took that for granted!

 

But be mindful we do not hang on forever even with a divorce I take one foot and place it in front of the other daily. I cry out of frustration of the situitation.

 

Happiness is our choice once we can truly accept and go on. But it just feels like "HOW DO I DO THAT" ! My heart hurts from thinking as to the reality of it!

 

I faced facts; he used me. How can someone plan a life when he was having a gay ole time with the girl! Yes I can call her a girl since she could very well be my daughter! I did come to a conclusion about him, he is a user, a liar in more ways than one.

 

GreenCap we both will get past this and yes NC works wonders! I do it everyday and I can say it helps it works and he does not bother me any longer.

 

I just do not understand the concept of why cheat?

 

I firmly believe people should get out of the relationship and find themselves first before starting a relationship that started on lies! The pain that is inflicted is more than just the 2 people breaking up, our families are involved!

 

Keep the faith GreenCap PM me if ya want to discuss this further!

 

It will get better after the holidays, we just have to survive them emotionally first! :o

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Debs,

 

Firstly, what is PM? I rather new to LS and not sure of all the services.

 

Cheating....you want to know why, this is my conclusion. Humans are selfish B$%#ds!!! As long as there is nothing better in sight, they hang on to the familiar and steady and when "the one" turns up, wham and a bham, I want to move out, I found a new beginning and move on with my life. I do not know whether my ex did this but I am sure she probably had someone in mind before moving out to start something with him. Doesn't make it less painful.

 

So you can see why people cheat. These selfish B$%#$%#ds and B$%$#tches are afraid of being alone...so they hang on to something and leave you to clean up the mess while they go on to frolick. My ex had the gall to tell me that "What is past, let's preserve the happy memories and not destroy them." So I swing from full forgive and forget to rocket rage. In one of my threads that I started - do both parties of a broken relationship leave unaffected/clean - there are pretty good opinions. Doesn't lessen the anger or pain, but provides the perspective of self focus and care less about those selfish human beings.

 

I am not too are of your full circumstances but MassiveAtom has it right. He has daugthers and he is holding himself up, no in fact, changed for the better so that his daugthers will not suffer anymore than he did initially. You chill and I will do the same...unfortunately we have below freezing temperature here up in the Northeast - way to much chill for my liking.

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