ird Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/531738-how-do-i-stop-being-insecure-about-my-boyfriend I posted this earlier today knowing I was going into a fight with my boyfriend once he called me later(now) but I didn't expect him to break up with me. He told me that we both need time to grow, while I agree I just wish we could have grown together. We've had many fights that stem from my anxiety. The break up had no fighting involved, and we both peacefully parted ways. Honestly the only thing I want to do now is throw myself at him and beg him to take me back... I know that's probably one of the worst things I can do. I honestly do want him back but I don't know if that can realistically happen. I know it's not good to get back with your exes and it usually has a low success rate. What should I do if I honestly want him back? I don't know what to do guys, this was my first real relationship and I just can't stop crying. I need advice Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 What you need to do is leave him alone. Any further contact will push him further away. You've stated your case and he still wanted to break up. Give him some time away from while hearing nothing from you. This MAY make him miss you and reconnect. In the mean time, after reading your other post as well, work on yourself. You noted many "deal breakers" in how you treated him. Controlling, $itchy, insecure, etc.. You also mentioned issues with your weight. Take this time away from him to improve yourself. Go see a psychiatrist to see if your are BPD or are suffering from depression/anxiety. Change your life and eating habits and join a gym. Think how much better your self esteem would be if you got some weight off, toned up and looked better. Exercise is great for losing weight and also for your mental health too. Eating junk food, fast food and other $hit is also not good for your mental health. Sometimes break ups are good. It forces us to confront our demons and make permenant life changes that improve our health. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/531738-how-do-i-stop-being-insecure-about-my-boyfriend I posted this earlier today knowing I was going into a fight with my boyfriend once he called me later(now) but I didn't expect him to break up with me. He told me that we both need time to grow, while I agree I just wish we could have grown together. We've had many fights that stem from my anxiety. The break up had no fighting involved, and we both peacefully parted ways. Honestly the only thing I want to do now is throw myself at him and beg him to take me back... I know that's probably one of the worst things I can do. I honestly do want him back but I don't know if that can realistically happen. I know it's not good to get back with your exes and it usually has a low success rate. What should I do if I honestly want him back? I don't know what to do guys, this was my first real relationship and I just can't stop crying. I need advice You do everything opposite of what you think you need to do. You absolutely go dark on him for a while. You live entirely for you and you alone. You basically consider him dead for a while and gather your thoughts and build your strengths. Do not do what you think you should do. In time, when your head is a little clearer you can little by little try communicating with him if he tries to open communication. But right now, you are a ghost... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Do you have weekend plans? If not, hop to it right now! Schedule a manicure, a haircut, a spa day; call up friends and arrange a girls' night. I suggest this not only because you need some personal time, but you also need to stay preoccupied. Sitting at home alone will only worsen your mood and make you more likely to focus on your old relationship. As soon as someone says they don't want to be with you, take them at their word. You do not want to be with anyone who doesn't want you. Your goal is to find someone who wants you just as much as you want them, who makes you feel loved and lusty and beautiful and special. However much it hurts now just remember it would hurt a lot more if you let it drag on. Get rid of his stuff and do whatever personal cleansing rituals you need to formally let him go in your mind. I don't think you will get back together for a number of reasons, not the least of which is because it's your first serious relationship. You have a lifetime of serious relationships ahead of you! You will break hearts, have your heart broken, probably make some horrible mistakes and in the process learn how to live and work with someone else. You have a long road ahead. It has a lot of bumps but it also has some breathtaking, unforgettable experiences. Oh, and I'm going to tell you this because no one told me this after my first serious breakup (and I really needed to hear it): you're going to be fine. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but eventually you're going to be just fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Chris226 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I agree, you should grow, become a better person...you never know, most of my ex got into lesbian relationships after me...guess they learned what they wanted....good luck...Believe it or not it gets better... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 He's not coming back. He doesn't like the anxious person you are. Until you have conquered those fears & anxieties he doesn't want to be with you. Those issues also have the potential to ruin your next relationship too so they need to be addressed. Are you in therapy? Do you understand the basis for your anxiety? Until you get a handle on that you can't over come it. In the short run, crying is good. Tears are cleaning. You can take this weekend to wallow & mourn the loss of your relationship but you can't contact him or chase him. It won't help & will only leave you feeling worse because it will cement in his mind that ending things with you was the best thing for him. Come Monday you have to pull yourself together. Create a plan for a fun summer. Surround yourself with positive people. Exercise. Take or teach a class. Explore your city. As you come into your own as a calm, not anxious person, new people to date will appear. Link to post Share on other sites
nadine5 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Oh baby I know exactly how you feel. My anxiety has led to the demise of every single one of my relationships, including the most recent one that ended yesterday. I have no advice, just hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ird Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 Well I'm going to attempt to go NC as I've realized this relationship is over and I should move on. I'm going to focus on bettering myself. I'll set up appointments to go see a therapist about my anxiety/depression and I'll try to join the gym again. I don't have many friends here but I'm trying to talk to some people I know around here so we can maybe get out and do some things later on. From other sources I'm not starting to realize that I was just there to stroke his ego. Many friends noted he treated me badly(ignored me and was quite controlling.) and we also had issues in the bedroom. I hope I can get better and find someone I'm more compatible with. But for now I'm going to try to better myself. Thanks everyone for your opinions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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