Messed up situation, messed up man

[Spiik]

Hi,

 

English is not my native language, but i hope that you´ll understand most of my writings. Ill try to keep this story short and simple, even though it´s a long-ass-story and quite complicated, at least for me.

 

Also, im not seeking for advice, or a list of actions is should pursue right now, im really aware of the things that i should be doing, and i´m in the process doing them right now. I´d just like the hear opinions, and just pour out my heart to this wonderful website, that has helped me already in the past.

 

The actual story:

 

Me and my ex-girlfriend met last summer, had the best time of our lifes together, but i had to move to another country to study in the end of the summer. So we foolishly rushed into a real relationship, and this is when the downfall started. We met once in two weeks, and everything was well at the time we we´re together, but of course, as in almost every LDR, even the small distance can make things bad in the long run.

 

Fast forward to last christmas; I came back from my studies to be with her for 2 months, but on the same day that i arrived, she decided that we shouldn´t continue anymore. I was sort of devastated of the reality that was smacked in my face, i had lost her. I had lost the one that i thought would be THE ONE. I had lost my best friend, the love of my life, my girl.

 

So, after december she told me, that the reason was another man, but i didn´t even get mad about, i was actually a bit happy for her. The guy had stepped in on the beginning of December, and they didn´t do anything before our break-up, and im 100% sure about this. So in a way she handled the situation quite well.

 

Mid-january, we decided to meet for the one and last time, had sex ( stupidest decision i´ve made), and all the feelings came back for both of us. So i decided to go NC. It lasted for around 2 months, when she somehow contacted me, and we we´re on the same tracks as before.

 

She had told her boyfriend, that if i would have stayed in our home country, we would probably be married, and that she really still loves me a lot. This stung me like thousand volts of electricity, there actually might be a future for us still. Few days after this, she told me that they are not together anymore, it just wouldn´t work.

 

So for few occasions in February,March and April, we hang out when i came back from my studies, and had again the greatest time ever. I met her closest friends, and as of this day, they all still adore me, and hold me on a pedestal. Even they thought that i was the one for her.

 

Before the final conclusion, i have to add that we always had some troubles. She wasn´t really ever sure about relationship with me, or even with anyone else. But always in the end, even without any pushing from my side, she would always in the end admit that i´m her soulmate, and that everything feels so right with me. ( With this section i´m trying to show that i always had little doubts in my mind, since i figured out quite quickly that she isn´t stable.)

 

The last part starts now: 3 weeks ago, while still talking to her, it came up that she actually was still in sort of on/off relationships with this GIGS guy from before, and they are actually talking about getting back together.

That was the last drop, we talked on the phone for 2 hours that day, basically me just questioning her sanity, and questioning her choices in life, and asking for some closure.

 

Again she went over and over with her feelings, and told me that we should meet during the summer, and really see if it works, and if it works, then we would be settled for life. This seemed just fine for me, as the finals approached and i needed time for myself.

 

Last sunday i got a phonecall, and she told me she is pregnant, and its not mine, it´s the GIGS guys. My whole life stopped and i was literally in shock. THIS was something that was ment to be US, THIS was something that we both dreamed of, and talked about a LOT. I cant even really describe my feelings, because at the same time i feel lonely, happy, sad, devastated, glad, excited, angry, and the hardest feelings of the all, i still feel love.

 

We went mutually NC, because we both know that we cant be friends, because it always leads to something bigger in the end. NC has always helped me, and it will do the same thing this time, but i just feel so **** right now. Ill go NC until the end this time, and start working out regularly 6 times a week again, and get my things together again. The pain right now is just quite terrible.

 

 

Thanks for everyone who went through the text, just writing this allowed me to have some peace of mind. Also thanks in advance for the people that will comment on this one, there are great people on this website.

[eleve82]

Hi,

 

English is not my native language, but i hope that you´ll understand most of my writings. Ill try to keep this story short and simple, even though it´s a long-ass-story and quite complicated, at least for me.

 

Also, im not seeking for advice, or a list of actions is should pursue right now, im really aware of the things that i should be doing, and i´m in the process doing them right now. I´d just like the hear opinions, and just pour out my heart to this wonderful website, that has helped me already in the past.

 

The actual story:

 

Me and my ex-girlfriend met last summer, had the best time of our lifes together, but i had to move to another country to study in the end of the summer. So we foolishly rushed into a real relationship, and this is when the downfall started. We met once in two weeks, and everything was well at the time we we´re together, but of course, as in almost every LDR, even the small distance can make things bad in the long run.

 

Fast forward to last christmas; I came back from my studies to be with her for 2 months, but on the same day that i arrived, she decided that we shouldn´t continue anymore. I was sort of devastated of the reality that was smacked in my face, i had lost her. I had lost the one that i thought would be THE ONE. I had lost my best friend, the love of my life, my girl.

 

So, after december she told me, that the reason was another man, but i didn´t even get mad about, i was actually a bit happy for her. The guy had stepped in on the beginning of December, and they didn´t do anything before our break-up, and im 100% sure about this. So in a way she handled the situation quite well.

 

Mid-january, we decided to meet for the one and last time, had sex ( stupidest decision i´ve made), and all the feelings came back for both of us. So i decided to go NC. It lasted for around 2 months, when she somehow contacted me, and we we´re on the same tracks as before.

 

She had told her boyfriend, that if i would have stayed in our home country, we would probably be married, and that she really still loves me a lot. This stung me like thousand volts of electricity, there actually might be a future for us still. Few days after this, she told me that they are not together anymore, it just wouldn´t work.

 

So for few occasions in February,March and April, we hang out when i came back from my studies, and had again the greatest time ever. I met her closest friends, and as of this day, they all still adore me, and hold me on a pedestal. Even they thought that i was the one for her.

 

Before the final conclusion, i have to add that we always had some troubles. She wasn´t really ever sure about relationship with me, or even with anyone else. But always in the end, even without any pushing from my side, she would always in the end admit that i´m her soulmate, and that everything feels so right with me. ( With this section i´m trying to show that i always had little doubts in my mind, since i figured out quite quickly that she isn´t stable.)

 

The last part starts now: 3 weeks ago, while still talking to her, it came up that she actually was still in sort of on/off relationships with this GIGS guy from before, and they are actually talking about getting back together.

That was the last drop, we talked on the phone for 2 hours that day, basically me just questioning her sanity, and questioning her choices in life, and asking for some closure.

 

Again she went over and over with her feelings, and told me that we should meet during the summer, and really see if it works, and if it works, then we would be settled for life. This seemed just fine for me, as the finals approached and i needed time for myself.

 

Last sunday i got a phonecall, and she told me she is pregnant, and its not mine, it´s the GIGS guys. My whole life stopped and i was literally in shock. THIS was something that was ment to be US, THIS was something that we both dreamed of, and talked about a LOT. I cant even really describe my feelings, because at the same time i feel lonely, happy, sad, devastated, glad, excited, angry, and the hardest feelings of the all, i still feel love.

 

We went mutually NC, because we both know that we cant be friends, because it always leads to something bigger in the end. NC has always helped me, and it will do the same thing this time, but i just feel so **** right now. Ill go NC until the end this time, and start working out regularly 6 times a week again, and get my things together again. The pain right now is just quite terrible.

 

 

Thanks for everyone who went through the text, just writing this allowed me to have some peace of mind. Also thanks in advance for the people that will comment on this one, there are great people on this website.

 

 

Drop her like a ton of bricks... ditches you for someone else while you are studying overseas (not as if you wouldn't come back) and strings you on while sleeping with someone else? She has no clue how to handle herself and you deserve better

[Spiik]

Drop her like a ton of bricks... ditches you for someone else while you are studying overseas (not as if you wouldn't come back) and strings you on while sleeping with someone else? She has no clue how to handle herself and you deserve better

 

This is the kind of replies i just love to see right now. It´s basically my thoughts written in another way.

 

And truth to be told, i´ve been just 80 kilometers away from home all the time, so the distance wasn´t really even a problem. It´s just really hard to see her motives, and see behind the lies that i was told. Not too long ago, we we´re planning that after my graduation, we would move together, buy a car for us, get me a good paying job, and then really think about having our first child together. We´ve even gone so far with the ideas, that we had all the names of the children, all the layouts of the house, everything was already thought through. And all of a sudden everything is gone.

 

 

 

(And for the readers that are seeking for some kind of advice from here;

 

Always listen and appreciate your friends opinion, they can see the situation from the outside and see things that you might not be seeing while deeply in love with someone. I was told numerous times by people around me, that this girl is a nut-job, and i should stay away from her. But in a way, i think i learning the hard way always makes you stronger in the end.)

[Chi townD]

And truth to be told, i´ve been just 80 kilometers away from home all the time, so the distance wasn´t really even a problem. It´s just really hard to see her motives, and see behind the lies that i was told. Not too long ago, we we´re planning that after my graduation, we would move together, buy a car for us, get me a good paying job, and then really think about having our first child together. We´ve even gone so far with the ideas, that we had all the names of the children, all the layouts of the house, everything was already thought through. And all of a sudden everything is gone

 

You have to stop thinking about that. That life is gone. She threw it away over a guy she has always been unsure about. You can't get back with her because she's going to have that kid. And that kid is always going to be a constant reminder of her betrayal and it may make it hard to bond with a baby that isn't yours. And that's not fair to the kid.

 

 

Plus, this guy is always going to be in her life because they have to co-parent together. So, this guy is always going to be around in one way or another and that only spells problems for you.

 

 

Time to do a REAL NC this time. Those other times you stated you were in NC, you really weren't. Everytime she reached out to you, you ALWAYS responded. That's not NC. You ignore all breadcrumbs. You need to block her on all of your social media. If she calls, let it go to voicemail. If she texts, ignore it, if she writes you and email, delete it. She made her choice and, unfortunately it wasn't you.

 

 

Time to start looking out for yourself. Start making positive changes in your life. Tim to heal from this, dude.

[quattrob]

Your ex or whatever you want to classify her as is a girl you don't ever want to be with, these kinds of girls would just put you through suffering and they are always changing their minds because they are unsure of herself or everything. The moment there's something remotely interesting that enters her life she'll just put you in the backburner. These kinds of girls are never ever going to be grounded at least not anytime soon.

 

 

Unfortunately she's not THE ONE for you at least not anytime soon. I honestly don't know how you can trust her at this point.. she's basically a lost slut/wh0re (I'm sorry to say it so bluntly). I would start the journey of forgetting about this girl and find someone out there that wouldn't disregard your feelings and well being for the sake of their own.

[Spiik]

I was considering about venting a bit somewhere, and as i don´t want to go around in different threads, i might just keep going on here.

 

SO, its been almost a week since the latest news, and NC has been solid and working. Of course she still crosses my mind everyday, morning being the worst time of day. But the thoughts about her are transforming, i can´t really see yet where exactly, but something is changing in my way of thinking.

Couple of first day i was angry at her/angry at myself, and couldn´t get a grip of what really happened, but im really starting to see the bigger picture of things.

 

I finally had "time" to really communicate to my friends and see whats up with them, some of them even wanted me to just pour this situation to them, and they just listened and never gave any suggestions to me, which has been really nice. And i decided that before going back to my roots, ill stay for a week aboard and see other half of my family here, and spend some quality time with them.

 

All in all, whole situation still hurts a bit, but im taking babysteps forward constantly, and im confident that ill be just fine with time.

 

I´d like to thank all the helpful people on this website, not only the ones that have replied here. This site has been amazing in everyway, maybe the most important thing being, that it makes you realize that your not alone with your situation.

[elaine567]

I think her getting pregnant with this other guy is a good thing for you, as it gives you clarity.

Seems like she was stringing you both along unsure of what she really wanted. I guess she is young, it is not her fault.

Be very glad it was not you holding the baby.

 

There is no way back now and that will allow you to move forward and heal cleanly. There are no longer any "what ifs" or "maybe we could try again" or "maybe I/you can change", to worry about.

End of. Finito.

Move on.

Good luck.