audiojunky Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 I'm not going to be highly specific with this post, but basically - my girlfriend, who lives with me told me last Thursday night that she feels like she needs to be alone. I was kind of suprised that she told me this. I know that she has been depressed for a while but she said nothing about this the past two months. For four nights in a row she stuck by her story that she needed to be alone. I made it very clear to her that I think that the problems are not that big. She doesn't want to do anything I suggest to work things out. Since I have tried to convince her so much at this point, I have decided to stop talking to her about it. Basically since this was her decision we came to the conclusion that it would be me making the choice about whether she goes or I go - and I decided that she should go since she hates where we live. Last night she just couldn't stop crying and told me that she was confused and scared that she was making a decision that she would regret. I have been emotionless because I have come to accept that she has not changed her mind, and that I need to do what is best for myself since it was me that wanted to work things out. She told me that she has no where to go and no money for a while, but I would like her out by the end of the month. Everything I have done in this relationship has been for us. I wanted to work things out for us, make decisions with us in mind.. and everything she wants to do seems to be about her and not us. At this point I think that I am doing the right thing, but I have a feeling that she could possibly come to me and change her mind... but my main problem with this is that I have been under the dilusion the past few days that this is what she wants to do. I have confided in my friends and even parents, and they think that I have definitely been given the short end of the stick with her lack of effort to resolve this. I don't know what to do if she actually comes back to me and wants to work things out.. I'm not sure what I should expect from her in terms of the effort that she should put forth in order to show me that she truly wants to work things out. I feel like at this point if she wants to come back that it would have to be on some seriously discussed terms about how she is going to treat our relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 Our you sure that she wouldn't just be coming back to you because she has no where to go and no money to get there? Like you're her security, that would be ****ty and no one deserves that at all... Link to post Share on other sites
Author audiojunky Posted December 9, 2004 Author Share Posted December 9, 2004 Well, she came back tonight on the same premise that she feels that she needs to go, so it is over. The next question is should I leave the apartment or should she. I expressed to her that I think that it would be strange to stay in this place with all the furniture we got together. I put so much effort into making this our home and having this stuff around makes me feel like it would remind me of her when she is gone. We kind of got this apartment according to her taste. She has told me that she does not intent to take any of it. In addition to this she told me that if I do decide to leave the apartment that she would give me a lump some of money to pay me back for everything. If I did move out I think that it would be great for me to have my own place, but I kind of like the area and location of where it currently is and the rent is cheap. F**king decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 stay...why should you move cause she can't decide? if stuff reminds you of her, sell it and get new-you stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Celie Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 i am going through this EXACT situation. (my BF sounds just like her!) you should stay. make it your own pad. you'll be reminded of her no matter what (unfortunately, that's the way it works right?) but don't uplift your life b/c of her indecision. being in a relationship like this means you're always putting her first. time to put yourself first. the place to live is HER prob, not yours. you made it a home for both of you: now make it a home for yourself. i'm a wreck right now so it's hard for me to give advice but i have a feeling that after awhile, both of us are going to be in a position of RELIEF! (even if it doesn't feel like that now.) but can i ask you how you're coping so well? it seems like you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author audiojunky Posted December 10, 2004 Author Share Posted December 10, 2004 I am coping fairly well because she has stuck to her point now for a week, and I feel more empowered by knowing that I need to do what is best for myself at this point. Don't get me wrong, I am very angry and I feel like I would like to say a lot of things to her about the whole situation, but at this point it is unnecessary. If she really feels compelled to not feel anything for me in terms of wanting to work things out, then it is obvious that I should abandon whatever feelings that I have left for her because she obviously does not feel that for me- and she obviously also does not love me the same way I did with her. Her family and ex-boyfriends have all confirmed with her that she is making a mistake and that she needs to control her attitude and stubborness when being with someone... and I am convinced that she will one day realize that her mistakes in the way she has chosen to act in her relationships has done more damage to herself than it has others. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts