My break up story

[zoroste]

Uhm... hello there. I just joined, read a few of the topics here and I really wanna get my thing out of my chest. Just so it's clear I'll post the whole story.

I know this girl since I was in 5th grade(I'm 22 now). My parents divorced and I moved from town with my mom for 3 years, met this girl, and as laughable as it sounds we kinda had a thing for each other eventho we were like 12 back then. After being classmates for 3 years and kinda being "together" for a few months(as together as a 12-13 years old can be) I moved back to my old town for high-school. During highschool I was visiting my mom once or twice a year and we got intouch again after 2 years. We saw each other and eventually had sex(first time for both of us). After I got back home from vacantion we kinda broke it, and she got a new boyfriend. Twisted thing is that after a few months we got back in contact and whenever I'd go back there we'd see each other and do... things. After a year or so she decided to stop it with me cause yeah, boyfriend. Few months before graduation and going to college we got in contact again. I was going to go to college in the town she lives for the next 3 years. We fell in love and decided to give it a try once I get there.

 

Got to college and man, it was absolutely fantastic! We were so happy together. That lasted for 3 months. I got back home for Christmas and NYE and a friend of her messed with her mind and made her think that I'm not good enough for her and made her go out with some dude she reccomended. I was devastated when I found out. Few days after she broke up with me she contacted me and apologized and said she's sorry and it was a mistake and she wants me back, and as crazy in love with her I was I was more than happy to take her back.

 

Everything went smoothly and we had the best time together for about... 1 and a half years. She started to act weird and I felt like something's wrong but she was denying it. Untill one day when I found out she was seeing some other guy. Talked with her and asked her what she wants, does she really want to throw everything we have away(and trust me, it was absolutely amazing, the relationship was as close to perfect as it can get). She told me she doesn't know who should she choose and that thing pissed me off and I said fine, have him, we're done. I was sure I wouldn't take her back if she came back to me(atleast I thought so). But then she comes at my door(I live alone), crying and apologizing. My heart absolutely melt. Even tho I felt devastated that after 2 years she did this to me I couldn't say no. We got back together.

 

Now comes the twisted part. First time she did it I managed to forget and get over it really really fast, considering it was only 3 months in, told myself she probably was insecure and got influenced by her friend. But that time... I was just simply not feeling the same thing anymore. Everything was gone and I felt like it was only the fact that I got used to be with her that kept it alive. A month or so after we got back together I went to a trip with a few of my college mates. Back there at the hotel we got really drunk and I started to mess out with a girl(kissing, touching, as close to sex as you can get considering she was on her period). When I got back I started to act really weird with my gf because that girl and that moments were stuck in my head. Too bad she has a boyfriend and can't really do much, we only talk as friends right now. But because I got her stuck in my head I told my gf that I don't feel the same anymore and I want to break up with her. We decided to meet the next day for her to get her stuff from my place. We did, we both eneded up crying, she left my house only to come back 1 hour later after a few texts where we both couldn't belive that we won't be together again. I decided to keep it going like that even tho I knew I was going to feel okay for a few days/weeks then I'm still gonna go back to not feeling the same love as I did.

 

2 months ago(february) I was at a concert in some other town. The night before that concert I went to a club with a few friends, and at that club I also met with some old friend(a girl) from other town, friend that I only met at certain concerts since we share the same musical taste. Alcoohol happend and we eneded up kissing like mad the whole night. After we got home, we started to talk every day and eventually fell in love with each other. We have so many things in common that it was so easy for us to realize that we liked each other since forever just that nothing happened so we could see it. Now we're both in love with each other. This happened while I still was with my girlfriend. I still didn't feel anything like before for her, only the thing that I got used to being with her and that's it. Since I started to talk with this new girl things got even more distant. Went home for holidays and 4 days ago I told her I want to break up with her because it's just not working anymore. And trust me, it's not working, I still didn't get over that she cheated on me AGAIN and I'm sure she'd probably do it again if some guy would show up that took her interest. I was ok for the first 3 days. Now I am back at college and I never felt more alone and sad, depressed. My mistake was that when I got here for college I was so in love with her that I never managed to make more friends, I only hang out with her. Now I am alone and I miss her so much, the house is so empty without her. I know that if I contact her and try to get back with her I have to end it up with the other girl, and I really don't want to, it's something that I never felt for someone, she has everything I am looking for, the only shady part is that we'll probably gonna have a long distance relationship, as in we're gonna see each other every 2-3 weeks, if that's gonna work anyways. Also, I know that if I'm contacting my ex and we get back together I'll be happy for a few weeks then I'll get back to feeling nothing and wanting to break up.

 

What should I do to feel better? I have kinda noone to go out with and I feel so alone and depressed. Will this ever go away, will I ever be able to get over her?

 

Thank you for reading.

[SLee]

Hi zoroste, I'm sorry you're in so much pain.

 

Truth is, you're both very young. If you really don't think you can be with your ex then don't. Don't hurt the both of you. Wait until you've grown and matured. That's what I had to learn and it really, really sucks. Don't commit to anyone unless you're really ready to commit. And definitely don't be with someone out of loneliness or because you have no one else around. That's not healthy and will hurt you both in the long run.

 

Try to make some new friends. College is a big place with loads of opportunities to meet people. Join a club, mingle in classes, go to events that spark your interest (people there will have the same interests). It's really hard to do, but you have to put yourself out there for any relationship with another person, friendship or romantic relationship, anything. Focus on your academics and build the future that you want.

Pick up a hobby that you like and do things you're proud of. Post on the internet when you're sad.

 

This girl is young too. Yes, she cheated, and that's not okay. But still, she's growing and learning herself. If you can't forgive it, then let her go.

 

Yes, this will go away as you grow and learn. Don't get too ahead of yourself with worrying about things. If you're both in a more stable and mature place someday, maybe there's a chance. But don't cling to that hope. Focus on yourself. Do it all for you.

[zoroste]

Thanks for the reply man!

The thing is that she broke my heart 2 times after she told me I was everything for her. Why would you do this to the one you say he's your everything?

I just wanna get over it, the thing that I recently got in touch with that other girl only made me realize that the relationship with my ex is going nowhere.

I just feel lonely and depressed right now, I hope it'll go away. That's the first night I'll be here alone without being with her, hopefully I'll get some sleep.

[SLee]

My ex made all these promises to me, that he'd never leave, that he'd always love me. Only to smash my heart to bits.

 

I feel you. The loneliness is unbearable. Try to get some rest. Put on a TV show or a movie that you like and makes you laugh. Put on a sad one if it makes you feel better.

 

It will go away. Do things for yourself. Enjoy yourself. It's all you can do at this point.

[zoroste]

I realize that I only miss the things that we did together. That things that were our things. I am sure that if we get back together I'll be happy for like 1 week then I'll start to feel like breaking up again.

But I can't take the pain anymore. I keep getting flashes of her every now and then.

What am I supposed to do?