I am destroyed..

[ApexTitanium]

I feel like I lost everything....the girl I loved for 5.5 years

Her mom and dad that I spent so much time getting close to....even more than my own parents. They treated me a lot better and accepted me as their own child, even to this day 2 months after she threw me away they still want me to visit but I can't....

I feel like that stupid ex that won't let go...that won't take a hint when he isn't wanted...that holds onto a girl he loves that doesn't love him back.

We were engaged for a year and a half. Then it was gone out of nowhere. I bought her the ring she wanted that I could barely afford but I made it happen because I loved her...but it was all for nothing. I'm stuck here staring at this ring wondering "how?" "Why?"

....what did I do for this to happen?

How the hell do I let go of a girl I love and basically a whole family that I grew so close to?

[privategal]

You take a deep breath, you know in your heart you are good are were true, loyal, and loving and you remember that SHE made her choice...she will have to live with turning her back on a good guy. You will mourn, greive, and recover...she will not be able to fully feel better because of how she did this.

You will try and blame yourself, feel less confidence, alot of emotions, but down the road, when you have healed, you will understand the universe has a plan for you that did not involve her.

Many going through a breakup feel they will never repair or recover.

Everyone does in time.

It will take time.

You will cry, feel like you've hit rock bottom many times, feel like your dying or want to...but this extreme pain will subside. It will.

You've got to believe you will heal and let yourself feel real bad right now.

Block all social media, block her family (they will understand you need to heal)

Its all very normal what you are experiencing. It feels like life is over but no way.

After some time, get back to your life, to gym, to friends, look for a new job or explore a move, take a trip....whatever you do, STOP contacting, dont run into her, dont keep momentos. The fastest way to take control is to cut contact and change your life.

Get new bedfing, rearrange, get new sports...anything.

For now...baby steps.

I promise this acute pain will start to ease up soon...NC....thats the first step.

Now its all about YOU.

[ApexTitanium]

Thank you

It just kills me....she says "we are too different" and that I didn't show her that I loved her....because I didn't buy her flowers all the time or make a bunch of cards and notes....when she hasn't done that for me since 2011.

She's putting all the blame on me, saying I was "crappy" because I got distant. She always made my little hobbies seem stupid and unimportant while I was supposed to love hers. She didn't like most of my friends so I dropped them for her while she kept hers. Now she has them as support and I have no one.

She's acted so cold since we broke up, she made me believe there was a chance so I kept trying....then she tells me it was over the night she dumped me....she led me on badly.

I've done so much to change myself. I've been doing to the gym, got a promotion, bought a new car and have a great job coming. I also started back up at college. I'm trying everything but the pain won't go away and I feel helpless.....like I can't focus on anything.

Part of me wants her to just call and say she made a mistake....and part of me wants to just hate her for what she took from me.

[kendahke]

Thank you

It just kills me....she says "we are too different" and that I didn't show her that I loved her....because I didn't buy her flowers all the time or make a bunch of cards and notes....when she hasn't done that for me since 2011.

She's putting all the blame on me, saying I was "crappy" because I got distant. She always made my little hobbies seem stupid and unimportant while I was supposed to love hers. She didn't like most of my friends so I dropped them for her while she kept hers. Now she has them as support and I have no one.

She's acted so cold since we broke up, she made me believe there was a chance so I kept trying....then she tells me it was over the night she dumped me....she led me on badly.

I've done so much to change myself. I've been doing to the gym, got a promotion, bought a new car and have a great job coming. I also started back up at college. I'm trying everything but the pain won't go away and I feel helpless.....like I can't focus on anything.

Part of me wants her to just call and say she made a mistake....and part of me wants to just hate her for what she took from me.

 

This happened 2 months ago? Yeah, it's still a pretty fresh wound and will be a little hard to focus for a few months, so be gentle with yourself. Don't expect more from yourself than you can manage, emotionally. You've been hurt badly and that takes time to resolve.

 

You have to know that you are not totally to blame for your relationship not working out. She had a responsibility to you to tell you what she needed from you to feel loved.

 

Why would she tell you that you got distant?

 

Getting rid of friends is never a good idea--we all need our support from our friends. Hopefully, they will return to you and you will never let them go for anyone, as long as they're respecting your relationship.

 

It is good that you've been going to the gym--that benefits you in the long run; congrats on the promotion--that benefits you in the long run, as does the new car and new job and going back to college. You're headed in the right direction in your choices.

 

are you going NC? That would be your best bet. Block her so that you're not waiting on her because that will cause you to focus on her and put your own healing on the slow track. Making sure she can't contact you will be like nailing the doors and windows closed so she can't get out to bother you. It's for your own good more than anything else.

Edited March 2, 2015 by kendahke

[ApexTitanium]

How long ago did this happen?

 

Relationship ended about 2 months ago.

She kept saying "give me time, let me miss you, if you love someone let them go"

Then just says she knew it was over the night we broke up.....like wtf? Then what was the let me miss you and give me time about if you knew the night you dumped me that it was done....why didn't you just say it then so I could move on instead of holding onto hope.

 

She also still has pics of us on her Facebook, some of our engagement ones also. Even though she deleted the engagment album she had and changed her status to single a while ago. And a lot of the cards and valentines gifts I had gotten her still in her room.....why's this stuff still there if she's so done?

.....I don't get it.

[ApexTitanium]

This happened 2 months ago? Yeah, it's still a pretty fresh wound and will be a little hard to focus for a few months, so be gentle with yourself. Don't expect more from yourself than you can manage, emotionally. You've been hurt badly and that takes time to resolve.

 

You have to know that you are not totally to blame for your relationship not working out. She had a responsibility to you to tell you what she needed from you to feel loved.

 

Why would she tell you that you got distant?

 

Getting rid of friends is never a good idea--we all need our support from our friends. Hopefully, they will return to you and you will never let them go for anyone, as long as they're respecting your relationship.

 

It is good that you've been going to the gym--that benefits you in the long run; congrats on the promotion--that benefits you in the long run, as does the new car and new job and going back to college. You're headed in the right direction in your choices.

 

are you going NC? That would be your best bet. Block her so that you're not waiting on her because that will cause you to focus on her and put your own healing on the slow track. Making sure she can't contact you will be like nailing the doors and windows closed so she can't get out to bother you. It's for your own good more than anything else.

 

Yea I started NC a month ago....kinda cracked twice so I guess it doesn't count.

She had a lot going on with school and graduating, she was stressed so I would let her do her thing and try not to hound her. She lived 25 min from me and I literally drove out there 3-4 times a week for our whole relationship to see her, I can count on one hand the number of times she drove to me. On the start of my days off I worked until 11pm then would make the drive to her house, I would come in and say hi. Then go lay down in her room because I was exhausted. She would want me to watch TV with her and I wanted her to come lay down with me, many times I did and few times she did...guess what she wanted mattered more.

She would get mad if I didn't watch TV with her but every time I did she would just stare at her phone with some show on I wasn't interested in, instead of something we both liked.

[FancyFace]

Apex: first, when dumpers are breaking up with you, they will say anything and everything that they can think of to "soften the blow" and make themselves feel better about what they are doing. So you shouldnt read too much into what she said, focus on what she did. She broke up with you.

 

Second, if you get to a point where you are reading into things such as pictures, facebook status' etc, you will drive yourself insane. She might have kept those pics up because her makeup was exceptionally pretty in those photos or she was at her goal weight. She could have kept the presents because they were nice gifts and thats it, and the cards remind her of a time when she had someone love her and that makes her feel great about herself.

 

You need to operate from reality. She broke up with you, she is not coming back or trying to come back (at least this moment) and that is it. It hurts, bad, but the sooner you accept that fact, implement NC and focus only on yourself, the faster you will heal.

[ApexTitanium]

Apex: first, when dumpers are breaking up with you, they will say anything and everything that they can think of to "soften the blow" and make themselves feel better about what they are doing. So you shouldnt read too much into what she said, focus on what she did. She broke up with you.

 

Second, if you get to a point where you are reading into things such as pictures, facebook status' etc, you will drive yourself insane. She might have kept those pics up because her makeup was exceptionally pretty in those photos or she was at her goal weight. She could have kept the presents because they were nice gifts and thats it, and the cards remind her of a time when she had someone love her and that makes her feel great about herself.

 

You need to operate from reality. She broke up with you, she is not coming back or trying to come back (at least this moment) and that is it. It hurts, bad, but the sooner you accept that fact, implement NC and focus only on yourself, the faster you will heal.

 

I think its more of its just not worth her time to go through and delete them....her makeup wasn't all that great in quite a few that are up there.

A month ago we went to the movies, after I dropped her off she text me saying "let me know when you get home safe". I told her I had plans after the movie and she told me she didn't.

I didn't text her for two days, in that time she called me 4 times and sent a "why are you ignoring me" text....like I was supposed to check in with her or something. When I did finally responded she turned it around on me. Started ignoring me instead. I guess she realised she had made herself and her plan of looking "cold" bad and tried to recover her power. Dunno.

[coryreply]

Apex: first, when dumpers are breaking up with you, they will say anything and everything that they can think of to "soften the blow" and make themselves feel better about what they are doing. So you shouldnt read too much into what she said, focus on what she did. She broke up with you.

 

Second, if you get to a point where you are reading into things such as pictures, facebook status' etc, you will drive yourself insane. She might have kept those pics up because her makeup was exceptionally pretty in those photos or she was at her goal weight. She could have kept the presents because they were nice gifts and thats it, and the cards remind her of a time when she had someone love her and that makes her feel great about herself.

 

You need to operate from reality. She broke up with you, she is not coming back or trying to come back (at least this moment) and that is it. It hurts, bad, but the sooner you accept that fact, implement NC and focus only on yourself, the faster you will heal.

 

Solid advice here ^^^

 

I know it's hard, bro. There's really no easy answer for how to get over a girl, especially one you were engaged to and with for so long, but you'll get there. Keep your head up. Keep striving to achieve those goals you've put in place in your life. Best of luck to you!

[gnick]

Next relationship make sure you don't agree to ridiculous demands like getting rid of your friends or hobbies. If her argument has merit that may be a different story. Women lose respect and attraction if you try to appease them.

[ApexTitanium]

Im a 24 year old man, 180 lbs with an athletic build. I've never been scared of anyone in my life. Not even when I was robbed at gunpoint.....I honestly felt nothing.

But I am truly afraid of my ex fiance....I'm afraid to see her, or speak to her because she has put more pain, sadness and feelings of worthlessness on me then I ever thought imaginable.

The person I thought would be the last in this world to ever hurt me, has destroyed me beyond my own belief. I don't even think she knows it because right now we are "mutual". She talks to me like we are "friends", like the last almost 6 years together and everything we have been through....never happened. Every time she would text me with "hey!" I would respond because I didn't want to be mean, it was like twisting the knife in my heart to see her name show up on my phone. I didn't have the courage to block her because I had hopes the girl I once loved would come back. I'm only doing it to myself and I know that. I can't even go into the city she lives in, without feeling a huge pain in my chest. Just seeing the streets we drove down together while she held my hand in the passenger seat. Or the places we had been to, is enough to make me want to cry.

I miss her family very much and they miss me too, I grew closer to them than my own family and I can't even go see them.

Not only did I lost the girl I loved more than myself, but I lost my whole family too. She told me this is the hardest thing she has ever had to do, and it kills her to do it. All she is losing is something she only "cares" about, not someone she loves.

She has no clue what its doing to me....if it "kills" her to do this....which I doubt, I wonder if she ever thinks about what its doing to me?

 

Has anyone ever actually been "afraid" of their ex?

[minimariah]

Has anyone ever actually been "afraid" of their ex?

 

absolutely.

 

i was afraid of the power he has over me, the power to devastate me completely. i will suggest going NC. it helps a lot.

 

& that fear will slowly fade, give yourself some time.

time & maybe NC are the only cure, i'm afraid.

[Zahara]

You don't fear your ex, you fear the pain. She is what triggers that pain and for as long as you keep her in your sights, you'll keep reliving and recycling the pain.

 

And responding to her has nothing to do with you being mean, it has everything to do with you being afraid to let go.

 

And it's normal to breakdown whenever you are triggered by a familiar street, a song, a movie, a restaurant, etc. There's nothing abnormal about how you feel and it certainly doesn't justify staying in contact.

 

It doesn't kill her to do it. She feels the void of not having you around in that you are a crutch to her, but it doesn't weigh as much as the pain you feel by staying in contact. She ended with you -- meaning she's somewhat detached, quite the opposite of how you feel. She knows what is she is doing. She's not stupid.

[frigginlost]

Absolutely normal.

 

Your fear is being driven by not knowing what she is thinking (regarding you) and wanting a specific answer (wanting you back).

 

It sucks, but it don't work that way. If she wanted you back, she would say it. Anything else is guilt, ease of her pain, selfishness, and a way for her to wean herself off of you.

 

Go complete and total No Contact with her. Right now.

 

Let her future play out with you not in it....

[rollercoaster11]

I wouldn't actually say that Im afraid but since I worked with my ex...I try to avoid running into him as much as possible. I do that to avoid feeling some kind of way...which is sadness. So yes Im afraid that way but I dont know how you mean it.