Jump to content

Dying Day by Day


Recommended Posts

When I repeat this to anyone, I feel foolish, and intellectually know its probably the best thing to be done with her.

 

Still, I miss her so badly its destroyed my life

 

 

I was married with two beautiful boys and owning two businesses. Long story short, when the economy crashed in 2008, my wife and I started fighting daily. Seperating in 2010. She took my boys (now 6 and 14) to her home country of Denmark. My boys were my life. I started drinking daily to cope.

 

 

"Ginger" was working for me.....now.....this is where I sound foolish........shed broken up MY cousins marriage 20 years previous, cheated on that husband with her second husband,,,,,,,,then cheated on her second husband with me. She also has a 10 year old disabled daughter whom I grew to love like my own.

 

 

Ginger enjoyed drinking, smoking, took mountains of pain pills, and I joined in. She was a cutter, and bulimic. I was still in love after 4-5 years of being together

 

 

Last year I thought 'we' decided to start a new life in CA......from NJ........so Ginger and I drove across the country over two weeks, best vacation Ive ever had. Two weeks with someone I truly loved.

 

 

The plan was for her to go back to NJ on a monthly basis, manage my business, and relocate permanently with her daightr when school let out.

 

 

I thought all was well, we rarely disagreed or argued. May came, and things got weird.....I had questions...she answered them, I trusted her, that was it. I spoke to her one night.....all was good...her father emphasized that Ginger was busy with my business, just stressed.....

 

 

So, I decide to 'surprise' her and fly back to NJ to see her and check on my business the next day.

 

 

I arrive at 2am in rural south jersey........she had French doors from her bedroom that led outside......I knock....nothing. I crack the door...and there is a guy standing in his under wear.......she is standing in her underwear......her daughter is asleep on the bed. I shake his hand andintroduce myself........I ask he why? following her into the bathroom.......while taking a pee she says "my feelings changed"

 

 

Im in the middle of nowhere....no cabs will come .....Im an hour from Phil airport......I call the state police......"Im stranded".....well....they knew my name before I said it. Someone at the house called the police on me!

 

 

They come, refuse to give me details, but drive me to the station to get a cab.

 

 

By the time I landed, she put her and this guy in 'relationship status' on FB. She called my partner and best friend wanting to buy my business out from under me

 

 

A week later she forged a 5k check from my business, forcing me to delay payroll. And the stuff she was posting on FB was cruel at the least.

 

 

I alo saw she was writing business checks for drugs from a local dealer. From a business account

 

 

A friend was worried about me ....called her and said he spoke to her for 45 minutes.......she wants to talk to me, not in love with this guy, not what it looked like. Shell call the next day!...........but never does, unfriends my friend on FB......I start calling and texting....."Please...." it was pathetic I guess........no reply.

 

 

I end up in the hospital for trying to commit suicide. On my third day there...LAPD show up to serve me a restraining order from HER! from NJ!

 

 

The RO doesn't stick at all of course

 

 

Then I find out she cleaned out my 15x15 storage locker....all my earthly possessions. Im left with whatever fit in my car

 

 

Last summer I stressed that I was done with drugs and alcohol....time to move on .....make $$......preparefor her daughters future. Was that a turnoff?

 

 

Her new 'man' is 10 years her junior, an overweight disabled vet, unemployed, they are living together at her house. I get messages from people who see them together "What was she thinking?!?!?". It doesn't make me feel better, at all

 

 

WHY do I miss her so much? WHY? She IS a smart girl. We laughed a lot.......she loved movies as do I......sex was awesome....we did concerts, symphonies, vacations, cruises.......I paid for everything...I wanted to. She apparently even tried to see if she could get me for palimony or child support of some kind

 

 

Also...how can she go without ANY contact ...after all wed been thru? Not a single word, letter email. And I caught her! Cruel is all I can think, but I cant ger mad at her. My life has fallen apart.....and she is all I think about

Link to post
Share on other sites

Love is blind my friend, after your divorce you needed support, ginger was there for you, little did you know she had her own agenda especially with her history, you dodged a bullet my friend.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Cruel is all I can think, but I cant ger mad at her. *My life has fallen apart.....and she is all I think about

 

She is not your problem.

 

You are your problem.

 

You need to focus on making a recovery from the addictive and compulsive behaviours that have brought you to where you are.

 

Its hard, but if you want it enough, you will recover.

 

Good luck.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't destroy your life over her. I know what you're feeling as everyday I still miss my ex even though I know she couldn't give a ****.

 

I did the same: paid for everything even though I knew it wasn't right but she had no problems with that. Basically, you had what i had.. a Gold Digger.

 

Know what you're feeling and going through. How could she go NC? You know after my ex walked out on me four months ago (to this exact day) I couldn't believe it. How could a person leave after all those years. I have conversations with myself walking to work every morning about how she could have just left.

 

You know, if one of the two people isn't happy, you get around a table and thrash out some solution you don't start planning an alternative life behind the other person's back. And cheating on them.. that's the lowest of the low.

 

"her feelings had changed"..! It's incredible but true. My ex, who I trusted with my life not only cheated on me but lied all the way with stories of staying at her friends etc. Her "feelings had changed" probably years ago. I could see it but ignore it because I didn't want to believe it.

 

Listen, know this. What you are going through is exactly what I and lots of other people are going through here. It's an attachment thing that human beings experience. I know it doesn't make it better but if so many people resonate with what we go through then it must be a chemical thing going on in our heart and or brain.

 

Forget her. In my case I'm finding that difficult too but it's a blessing in disguise. I've been NC for three months and it's hard but one day you will snap out of it and regret wasting all that nervous energy on such a person.

 

It's going to be a long and hard road to recovery but as the great Winston Churchill once said: "If you're going through hell, keep going".

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

"This is where I start to sound foolish"

 

Yep!

 

I know you're hurting very badly but you're going to put yourself through even more pain if you don't take a moment to acknowledge this monumental f*ck up on your part by trying to have a relationship with a woman who you knew was both unstable, unreliable, and a cheating liar from the very start.

 

Are you alone? You mention quite a laundry list of destructive behaviors you exhibited, so I'm wondering if this has alienated people in your life. Then there are the affairs, do you have friends or family or anyone else besides this p.o.s woman?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

The only thing that sticks out for me is the fact that you said "your boys were your life" and then nothing else about them. I have no idea what to tell you about this woman - you've said everything that needs to be said. What do you think is best? Do you see your boys? I sure hope that you are getting counseling somewhere. Certainly after your stay in the hospital this was mandated by someone. Friend, I know exactly what it means to lose everything - it happened to me five years ago. I also know what it is like to feel despair and hopeless. Please find a foundation that will allow you to move forward in life. Relationship with God is where I found mind. I highly recommend it. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

So, long story short, your question is:

 

"WTF is wrong with me?!?!?!"

 

You don't pay attention is what's wrong with you.

 

You underestimated the foolishness of getting involved with someone who you knew was a bad actor. You ignored the cheating, the drugs, the cutting, all those kinds of signs.

 

THAT is where the crisis was.

 

Now, you're paying attention, and you're dealing with the aftermath of your crisis. The crisis is over, now it's just difficult for you because your brain is excreting breakup chemicals like crazy.

 

I guess the only question is how many times you'll try to relapse back into crisis before it ends. If you're strong, you'll resist your temptations, and just ride it out. Embrace that pain you feel, and let it consume you... there's a limit to how bad you can feel, and right after that, most or all of it will go away. Every time you give in to temptation, you take a few steps back and you have to start over, so don't.

 

Good luck!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...