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How did you handle being alone after LTR?


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I have been in a serious relationship since I was 17. I'm 25 now. She's been my one and only. I guess this has a lot to do with how I feel about everything now.

 

It's been 3-4 months post bu now and I feel this constant pressure I create myself that I must get myself into a new relationship ASAP. Before I didn't really care about girls and apparently even neglected my own gf but now chicks are everything I can think about. It's like it's my life mission to get a hot girlfriend ASAP.

 

I know, stupid - and I keep reminding myself of that I'm an idiot. I mean, what's wrong about being single? Plus, people get together all of the time, when they are 50, 60... Who says I need to get married and have kids anyway? I could have easily just fool around a bit, I know there are some chicks who are into me or they flirt with me on the parties but I have these insanely high standards and if I don't really like them THAT much I just don't want anything to do with them. On the last event I attended there was this quite hot chick constantly looking at me. She was really decent and nice, my friend said she was super hot but I was just like mehhh, nice but not nice enough. I could have probably have something not so serious with her but it looks like that is not an option for me. I'm acting like I'm Brad Pitt or something and I hate myself for it.

 

I didn't care about going out before, now it's like I must attend every party there is so I don't miss any opportunities to meet THE ONE. And of course, when nothing happens, either they are out of my league or I don't find any attractive or they don't want nothing to do with me or I have no balls to approach them, I'm even more frustrated. I wish I could have just said to myself, look man, you have 5-10 years to get yourself into a relationship, now just turn off the chick switch inside your brain and don't care about anything else but yourself. Forget about girls for one year, just work on yourself and improve, improve, improve... But fear is constantly present and it's driving me nuts.

 

Your experience, advice, comment?

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Forget about girls for a year? You seem to have an obsession about finding the one..and trust me you wont find her if you look for her.

 

The one comes into your life when you least expect it. Till then improve yourself, gain new skills, travel ect whatever makes you happy.

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towardthefuture

Watch movies, sign up for classes, work out, try new things.

 

After that long you've gotten used to having a shared identity. Go find yourself. Try new things. Filling the space is a little hard but you'll figure it out.

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Forget about girls for a year? You seem to have an obsession about finding the one..and trust me you wont find her if you look for her.

 

YES, that's exactly right and it's making me nervous and anxious. I need to get this out of my system somehow! Plus I have this image programmed into my head that the next one I'll be with will be the one or at least someone I'll have another long term relationship with but I know it is not necessary to be that way. I mean why I can't just go out, have some fun, go on dates and whatever happens happens. Something's holding me back!

 

I am 47 and still looking after 2 failed LT marriages

 

And are you obsessed like me or are you just fine with everything and being single for the rest of your life if it happens so?

Edited by unforgotten
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YES, that's exactly right and it's making me nervous and anxious. I need to get this out of my system somehow! Plus I have this image programmed into my head that the next one I'll be with will be the one or at least someone I'll have another long term relationship with but I know it is not necessary to be that way. I mean why I can't just go out, have some fun, go on dates and whatever happens happens. Something's holding me back!

 

 

 

And are you obsessed like me or are you just fine with everything and being single for the rest of your life if it happens so?

 

Probably not obsessed but I cant be on my own, I dont mind my own company but want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with, and be happy so thats the key, not just anyone, cant be with someone just because I'm lonely, has to be the right person.

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That's sort of how I feel. I want to get that far though that I'll be happy with myself and living on my own. And then what happens happens.

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Unforgotten me and you are more or less in the same boat, LT relationship since i was 16/17, the only girlfriend i ever had, we were both firsts for eachother, was looking to marry then got broken up by family.

 

The loneliness? Well i started reconnecting with friends and just doing things, improving relationships with my family, seriously i just socialised more, my 6-7 year perfect bubble got burst and i had to rebuild.

 

I did go through a phase where i was just after girls, itd get nowhere because i realised im not really interested in them, just after the chase, it was like i felt desperate. Now, yes i do have some tendencies, but a lot more controlled, i just cant be bothered and i just want to do me.

 

In terms of people getting hooked, yes they do all the time, at 40, 50 etc. and finally, my ex came out of nowhere literally i was not expecting her to like me, to tell my mates, but when it did happen it was brilliant, for me, the focus is to get back to being that strong individual again, and someone will pop out of the woodwork again, im not going to force it, whats meant to be, will seriously be.

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LoveIsMyReligion

I found that women are most attracted to me once I've convinced myself that I will be single forever; and that I should find ways to be happy without one.

 

#trueStory

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How did you handle being alone after LTR?

 

Five years long....

 

Honestly? Not well! I cried and cried for nearly a year I begged I went crazy I cried some more until I couldn't cry anymore I cried so much there wasn't any tears left and my head hurt so bad.

 

What helped me the most was the countless stories on LS that I read everyday, every hour! about no contact and improving ones self.

 

I read and read until it stuck I broke it over and over and got hurt more and more.

 

Only when I stuck to NC and finally took this forums advice seriously did I begin to heal.

 

This site has taught me how to be successful in a relationship and how to deal with the end of one.

 

I still come here everyday I talk about every feeling, every opinion in my mind im free to express myself here it's made me a better person im in check of my emotions in real life this site has made me overall a better human being it's like free therapy and I might continue to be here the rest of my life who knows.

 

And now two years later im very happy with myself.

Edited by Omei
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One night stands. Lots of one night stands.

 

The ability to convince a lady to bed me within hours of meeting me helped build my shattered confidence. I became an egomaniac after a while, and that helped me with the quality of women I would ask out on dates.

 

The anonymity of the ONS gave me the courage to try some new things, and I got a lot better at sex, which also helped me with the quality of women I could hang onto.

 

And frankly, I loved the variety.

 

As to the emotional pain, it didn't really help, but I don't think it hurt either. So I dealt with that separately.

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