crud Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I met this girl about 12 years ago, we were both married. We had a very intense "affair" for about 9 years. She decided to leave her current husband. As this happened we decided I would leave my marriage and we would be together. A few weeks later she met another guy. She dragged me along and broke my heart while they kept getting closer. She would write me everyday and still see me occasionally. He ended up moving in with her, and she slowly pushed me away. THis girl was my "best" friend, shared everything with each other, and I never really enjoyed someones company like this before. Last summer, out of no where, she wrote me that he moved out and she wants to see me again. We went out that weekend, and had a lot of fun. I saw her a few more times, and we talked a ton. She would keep telling me she wanted to see me and will make time for me. She has struggled with money. I would help her out with money when I could and she would tell me how she will pay me back any way she could! Up to a week ago, I filled her truck up for her, and she sent me "intimate pics" About a month ago, she moved back in with the guy she met and promised me nothing would change, and that she needs me in her life...blah blah blah Yesterday I get this text. "Im sorry, but i won't ruin what I have..Sorry to have to tell you this over text message, but I am getting married in March, I hope you have a good life, please leave me alone." Just a week ago she sent me "intimate pics and wanted to see me" Please don't judge me over this, but Yes, I remained married this entire time. I am only staying to keep the kids together. We both agreed on that. I am sure that isn't the right thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 This could go in any number of the forums. You've made your first good move in a long time by posting here. Seek therapy and be honest with yourself. This Woman is clearly toxic. You have some personal issues to address as well. Link to post Share on other sites
HowWillICope Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 So let me get this straight.. This woman was cheating on her husband with you?? How does it surprise you that she then left YOU for ANOTHER guy?? She will probably do the same with the guy she is with now. I say you dodged a bullet. Keep strong, go NC and close that chapter. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Time for long-term therapy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 To be blunt: The relationship had a sloppy foundation from the very start. Obviously, Both of you being married and having an affair was bad enough. It didn't matter if one or both marriages were not going well. You can't fix what is broken in a marriage by bringing a third(fourth, fifth, etc) party into the mix. Then there is your ex jumping into ANOTHER relationship lightning fast. Always a red flag. Wanting to see you WHILE living with THAT guy also showed extremely poor tact. Feel amazingly lucky she is getting married to someone else. You escaped a big mess. Cut off contact with her and work on yourself. Sure, you will miss her and all of that but I can guarantee that even AFTER she marries, she will come sniffing around to you, making you her Plan B lap dog( as even now she is sending those infamous intimate pics of hers to you). Don't you think you deserve more than crumbs?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author crud Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 I think that is what I needed to hear. I have been reading on here about the No contact, even though it seems like she has just done that to me. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I think that is what I needed to hear. I have been reading on here about the No contact, even though it seems like she has just done that to me. Read The All-New 2014 No Contact Guide! pinned at top if you haven't already. It is one of the best guidelines to help stay strong during your road to healing. Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Having lost my own marriage as a result of stupid things I did, I feel uniquely qualified to say that this could be one of the best things that ever happened to you. If you are staying with your wife for the "sake of the kids" what do you think the best thing is for them? The answer is a mother and a father who both love each other and demonstrate that in their daily lives. What do you think could happen if you take all of that energy you wasted on a 9 year affair and focus the same efforts on fixing your marriage? There is a great organization called The National Institute of Marriage that could literally help turn everything around. If you want more information send me a private message. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Link to post Share on other sites
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