Deidre Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 (edited) I've had a few really bad relationships a few years ago, it seemed like I just was only attracting narcissistic type men, who just wanted to use me. When I would end the relationship, these types of men wouldn't 'let' it end, or only wanted it to end on their terms. I finally decided to do some research online to figure out what I was doing wrong, and why I couldn't seem to just END things. I came across a few websites highlighting the importance of NO CONTACT when breaking out of a toxic relationship. This is especially true if you are dealing with a person who has narcissistic personality disorder. Such a disorder has the following traits: pathological lying, cheating, lack of empathy, no boundaries, silent treatment, etc... When I realized that what I was dealing with more or less, it became clear that those men weren't going to change, and no contact was imperative. I just wanted to stress the importance of no contact and how vital it is to your healing, and breaking free from an abusive and/or toxic relationship. No contact should include all of the following which at first is VERY hard, but gets easier over time; * Don't call or text your ex for any reason (even if someone died, you have to learn to let go) * Don't reply to their texts or calls * Block the person's phone number or change your number...I had to do this to stick to NC * Don't listen to gossip about your ex, and if need be, you may have to sever mutual friendships that you once shared, I had to end a friendship with a girl who just loved telling me every move my ex was making, after we broke up. Some people aren't very good friends, when it comes down to it. * If you work together, unless you adore the job, you might want to look for work elsewhere. Your healing is paramount. * If he/she stops by your house, don't answer the door. (I know, sounds crazy, but if you're dealing with someone who doesn't know boundaries, he/she may just do this, if you are no longer taking their calls) * Deactivate Facebook and all social media sites where you and the person share a membership. I dated one guy who loved to be a jerk to me on those sites, and it would always mess with my ability to remain true to NC. * Unless you have children, don't talk to his/her family members. * If you do have children, you can go LOW CONTACT...and this means, only discussing the kids when you have to. If the person starts asking you about your love life, or wants to chat...cut the call short. Your ex isn't interested in hearing about your love life, they're interested in getting you to break low contact. * Note: NC is for your healing. Don't put it into effect if you are using it to get back at an ex, or to punish him/her, or to try to 'win' them back. That's a game I wouldn't play, especially with toxic types. Go NC for your own healing. I've never been married, but those tips I've learned from a few friends who are divorced, and went 'low contact' with their exes. (if kids were involved) No contact is very hard during the first 30 days, but it gets progressively easier IF you stick to it. I broke NC with one guy for like 6 months...lol And every time I did, I regretted it. I hope good things for you all, and I've enjoyed this site so far. It is sad to read about all the heartbreak ...Just know you deserve the best...and if someone treats you poorly, don't tolerate it. When you break up with a toxic person, go NC. Do it for yourself... Edited January 18, 2015 by Deidre Link to post Share on other sites
hangingbyathread Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 My ex fiancé broke it off xmas day and got back with me and then broke it off again numerous times...she asks me not to contact her so i don't but she always finds a reason to msg me and start convos.... i usually keep my answers very short and very unaffectionate and straight to the point because i find it extremely hard to deal with the whole situation... i don't understand why she keeps initiating conversations when she broke up with me... she likes to pretend that she wants to be with me again but then starts ridiculous fights and says good ridence and can be quiet malicious with her word's. .. every time i get used to not speaking to her and not msging etc.. i get random texts... i am struggling so badly with not responding...she knows how to provoke responses... i don't know how to make this easier Link to post Share on other sites
sober and dry Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 My ex fiancé broke it off xmas day and got back with me and then broke it off again numerous times...she asks me not to contact her so i don't but she always finds a reason to msg me and start convos.... i usually keep my answers very short and very unaffectionate and straight to the point because i find it extremely hard to deal with the whole situation... i don't understand why she keeps initiating conversations when she broke up with me... she likes to pretend that she wants to be with me again but then starts ridiculous fights and says good ridence and can be quiet malicious with her word's. .. every time i get used to not speaking to her and not msging etc.. i get random texts... i am struggling so badly with not responding...she knows how to provoke responses... i don't know how to make this easier You have a very easy way to deal with her texts. Just block her number for the time being and voilá. Star full NC, see here the guide lines. Yes it's hard to do, but as soon as you do it you start a real opportunity to heal and that's what matters the must for you now. No more pretending, no more ridiculous fights, no more pain. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
seminoles84 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 My ex fiancé broke it off xmas day and got back with me and then broke it off again numerous times...she asks me not to contact her so i don't but she always finds a reason to msg me and start convos.... i usually keep my answers very short and very unaffectionate and straight to the point because i find it extremely hard to deal with the whole situation... i don't understand why she keeps initiating conversations when she broke up with me... she likes to pretend that she wants to be with me again but then starts ridiculous fights and says good ridence and can be quiet malicious with her word's. .. every time i get used to not speaking to her and not msging etc.. i get random texts... i am struggling so badly with not responding...she knows how to provoke responses... i don't know how to make this easier As sober and dry said you can block her #. This can be done easily with any type of phone. BBs you might have to ask your provider but all other phones it's like 2 steps. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Deidre Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 You have a very easy way to deal with her texts. Just block her number for the time being and voilá. Star full NC, see here the guide lines. Yes it's hard to do, but as soon as you do it you start a real opportunity to heal and that's what matters the must for you now. No more pretending, no more ridiculous fights, no more pain. And if blocking doesn't work...then change your number. I had to do that with one ex. He called me from 'private numbers'...basically pressing *67 and caller id wouldn't pick it up. They will stop at nothing, if they want to get you back into their web of nonsense. Good luck to everyone starting and trying to stick with NC! It's hard at first, but worth ittttt! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JonjMie Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 I have to say, NC is even harder when the relationship was good and the other party just didnt think there was chemistry anymore, I could deal with it if I had been horrible or had cheated etc 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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