Broke up with someone I love - questions

[butchcassidy]

Has anyone else ever broken up with someone they love?

 

I broke up with a girl I have been seeing for the last 6 months. We never had an exclusive relationship (although she only saw me - I still saw other girls).

 

Anyway. I broke it off with her because we fell too much in love with each other. She love me like crazy, and I think I love her too.

 

I am only 23 though and I'm not looking for a serious relationship, and therefore I broke it up with her.

 

Now 2-3 days later I feel OK but still have thoughts of doubt in my mind. I guess this is normal though.

 

So now to my questions:

 

1. Have anyone else ever broken up with someone that they loved? If so, why? Was it worth it?

 

2. How best proceed? Block her from facebook etc and never reply? I agreed to see her again tonight for a last time, she promised not to cry etc.

[fromheart]

She was exclusive, you weren't. You didn't love her, nor did you have respect for her. Now you can enjoy yourself with other girls.

[Satu]

You didn't/don't love her.

 

How can you think that you did?

 

Find out what love is.

[Holmes85]

butchcassidy,

 

First let me answer your questions :

 

1. Have anyone else ever broken up with someone that they loved? If so, why? Was it worth it?

If you truly love someone, you do not break up with them. That's like saying I have everything I dreamed of, but I want to throw this all away now.

 

2. How best proceed? Block her from facebook etc and never reply? I agreed to see her again tonight for a last time, she promised not to cry etc.

Girls are emotional, she will be tempted to cry. You already made all the decisions up to this point. Now you feel a bit of guilt.

 

Bottomline is this : She was in love with you. You were trying out other fields (and still want to). As the above post states, she was exclusive to you, you weren't.

 

You say she loves you like crazy and you love her too? Well, if that's the case, why are you breaking up with her?

 

Also you mention that you are "only" 23 and want casual relationships, while this girl wants a serious one.

 

If you want my opinion, tell the girl EXACTLY what you told us here, don't string her along or give her hope. Let her heal and let her find the guy who wants a serious relationship with her.

 

As for you, I think it's best that you make your intentions clear "before" starting a relationship with someone and not 6 months into relationship.

[butchcassidy]

To clear some things up:

 

I told her from the beginning that I am not interested in a serious, exclusive relationship and that if she is looking for that she should leave. I have told her multiple times during our time together that she should leave, as I am just an "*******".

 

She choose to stick around though, that's her decision. I also suggested that she'd date other guys. But she didn't want to.

 

I do love her. My thinking is though that there is so much more to experience in my life before settling down. I wanna wait at least 10 years before I do that.

 

Second of all, she is not as good looking as I had hoped a wife would be. She is a 7/10 and I would like at least a 9/10.

 

I don't think that I'm a bad guy and I sincerely wish that she will meet someone else that she can love as much as she loved me.

[Light Breeze]

Second of all, she is not as good looking as I had hoped a wife would be. She is a 7/10 and I would like at least a 9/10.

 

Seriously? And you tell us you love her?

 

No, boy, you don't know what love is.

[candie13]

Fair enough. It's very important to be true to yourself and to your own beliefs, Question: if it's all clear in your head and you believe she knows all that, why are you meeting her tonight? It makes no sense.

 

if it's for an ego boost, try to be a bit more humble and do NOT do that. Understand that she got caught up and it is very hard for her to set herself free, as you've just witnessed.

 

Basically, I understand both your pov, you are both young. I guess my advice to you is to pick a side and stick to it. If you want freedom and do not want to "settle down", then don't give in because you'll only hurt her more. Why r u wasting ur time?

 

Step one: cancel tonight. Tell her all there is to tell over the phone, make sure she understands and then stop all contact. Be calm, rational and factual. I know you have feelings for her, but as most posters here alluded, it's not love. If it would be love, you would not let her go. It's affection, which is still very nice. Just... not quite the real thing. So please, do NOT tell her you love her or make any allusion to feelings. Focus on how you want to live your life. Incompatibilities.

 

Step two: delete her from fb and her phone number. Keeping in contact with her will only hold you back from "experiencing" the world and hurt her

 

Step three: never contact her again and just get on with your life.

 

It won't be easy for either you or her, but do what's right. Stop seeing her. Stop talking to her. Stop sleeping with her. She is not what you are searching for and you are certainly NOT what she is searching for. End of story.

 

cheers,

 

candie

 

PS being exclusive with a girl does not mean you'll end up marrying her. It only means you like her care for her feelings enough to not be sleeping with other women.

[Satu]

 

I do love her. My thinking is though that there is so much more to experience in my life before settling down. I wanna wait at least 10 years before I do that.

 

 

You don't know what love is.

[butchcassidy]

Thanks candie.

 

Tonight is just a cup of coffee at Starbucks though. It will be 30 minutes tops. I am hoping it could help her say goodbye etc properly. I first told her "no" but then she said "If you meet me tonight I promise it'll be the last time. You can delete me from your phone book, facebook etc afterwards".

 

But yeah, I will stop all contact after tonight.

 

[candie13]

you're not convinced about your story yourself, are you? Are you expecting her to convince you to get back together?

 

BC, one thing I've learnt: if I'm not true to myself, my decisions make no sense. only I know what I really want. find out what you actually want. If it's freedom, so be it. We are no one to pass value judgements on how you decide to live your life.

 

Think hard about what you really really want and be convinced about it. Remember, he who is most convinced, convinces the others. And remember that she is frail, so it's up to you to be strong here.

[elaine567]

I am hoping it could help her say goodbye etc properly.(

 

How on earth would that possibly help?

 

Accept the responsiblity for your actions, do not dress it up into something it isn't. You are dumping her because you are screwing around, want to do it some more, and you think are entitled to a 9/10... That is NOT love.

 

It is all very well saying it was only casual, but for God's sake, if a woman looks like she is falling in love with you, get rid of her before she does "love you like crazy".

Otherwise it is called "taking advantage", and good guys do not do that.

 

And NO...

A coffee is NOT going to help her.

[Ieris]

Thanks candie.

 

Tonight is just a cup of coffee at Starbucks though. It will be 30 minutes tops. I am hoping it could help her say goodbye etc properly. I first told her "no" but then she said "If you meet me tonight I promise it'll be the last time. You can delete me from your phone book, facebook etc afterwards".

 

But yeah, I will stop all contact after tonight.

 

 

Yeah definitely go see her tonight, I guess its some form of closure (you see how upset members here are when their gf/bf just walks away without an answer) so don't do that to others especially if she was good to you.

 

Just be honest and firm with your decision. When I make up my mind, people know not to beg because they know its final, so they don't hold onto false hope or anything which helps them move on.

 

Don't act cold and irritated if she pleads or cries, this girl is in love with you so try to understand, imagine being in her shoes.

Edited January 10, 2015 by Ieris

[butchcassidy]

So just met her for the last time. It was good. She was feeling much better and I have hope that she will be able to get over me.

 

I made the choice I thought would be the best for me in the long run. Now was it 100% the best decision? I don't know. I guess time will ultimately tell .

[batt]

Blah blah blah she chose to stick around and YOU chose to keep her around. Stop trying to justify yourself.

[bootyboot]

First off, a lot of people here give sh*tty advice.

 

You can love someone but not be ready to be in a relationship. Especially if you are 23 yr old dude who needs to see what's out there before he settles down. It's totally normal. You love this girl but aren't 100% sure because you haven't tried all the ice cream flavors out there. It's a guy's natural instinct to do so. I would tell her that you aren't ready but you care about her, and that you need to be on your own right now. You can come back to her later..if she's willing to have you and you still want her.

 

But that's life man..you have to take risks in order to find out if you are missing something. Otherwise later down the line this could get more serious and deeper and then you'd still back out and hurt her even more. So I say take a break from her, but be kind and gentle when you tell her. We women are gentle creatures who just want to be loved and respected. Don't be mean when you tell her it's over.

[Light Breeze]

First off, a lot of people here give sh*tty advice.

 

You can love someone but not be ready to be in a relationship. Especially if you are 23 yr old dude who needs to see what's out there before he settles down. It's totally normal. You love this girl but aren't 100% sure because you haven't tried all the ice cream flavors out there. It's a guy's natural instinct to do so. I would tell her that you aren't ready but you care about her, and that you need to be on your own right now. You can come back to her later..if she's willing to have you and you still want her.

 

But that's life man..you have to take risks in order to find out if you are missing something. Otherwise later down the line this could get more serious and deeper and then you'd still back out and hurt her even more. So I say take a break from her, but be kind and gentle when you tell her. We women are gentle creatures who just want to be loved and respected. Don't be mean when you tell her it's over.

 

Yup, saying he was unsure about her because she was just 7/10 and he deserves at least 9/10, is the very definition of love