Being bullied by an ex.

[Eighty_nine]

First, I am bisexual. Secondly, I dated a woman who I met through a friend for a little bit in the summer. She got very angry with me because I made a lesbian joke to our mutual friend, who told her the joke (because she thought it was funny.) Let me saying I'm very far left politically, a social worker, and I'm attracted to women, and about as far from a bigot as it is possible to be.

 

But she was so offended by this pretty harmless joke that the next time we saw one another, in a group, she belittled everything I said, embarrassed me, and treated me horribly the whole day. I didn't even know WHAT she was mad about! I found out later. We ended up getting into a short argument the next day and she blocked me on Facebook and her phone. I was hurt and offended but got over it.

 

A couple months later we see one another at a friends bday party. (By this point I'd just recently met a guy I liked online, but we'd only been on one date). After the party she apologizes and says she'd like to fix things.

 

I figure this is OK, and I'm comfortable with casually dating two people. I was a bit more interested in her at the time but definitely liked him too.

 

Long story short, I find out the two of them dated for about a year 4 years ago; she was the one to end it. On a date with her I decide to be honest and I tell her this. We laugh, I let her know I'm currently more into her, and it's NBD. But the date ended horribly. Her tune toward me changed, she was a major bitch and I walked out.

 

I continue dating him and it's been about 3 months now. We are in a happy, healthy relationship.

 

Well, I still hear from her now and then- normally angry and spiteful messages, which when I call her she'll say are jokes.

 

Last night out of nowhere she texted me to come over and hang out at 11pm (when a few weeks ago she was crazy rude to me via text). She then texts me repeatedly asking if I'm "having fun f*cking her ex" and that I'd "better get tested" if I'm with him and referring to him as an "as*hole" (even though she dumped him and he's never behaved that way toward me). She called me a "puppet, much like Ian" (bf). Referred to me as pathetic (why? Not sure). She also implies that my very good friend thinks I'm manipulative (which really hurt me).

 

I'm not sure if this is WHY she harassed me all night, but we'll be seeing one another at a party tonight. prior to all the calls/texts (which continued til 8am this morning), I had been ready to be civil and get through an awkward night. There's no 100% cutting her out of my life as she is very good friends with my very good friend, and enmeshed in my group of friends. I'll have to see her every couple of months, UNLESS i avoid fun activities to avoid her which I'm not willing to do.

 

I'm thinking after her pretty crazy behavior she may not show up later, which would be good.

 

I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for. I mainly ignored her until she started saying things about my boyfriend.... because if she has secret, negative information about him I wanted to know to protect myself. She was drunk though and incoherent. I stopped responding but she kept going.

 

I'm very upset today and having doubts about my boyfriend and my friends. It's awful. And for the record, it always seemed like I was more into this girl than she ever was into me, but now she's acting jealous and angry. None of this harassment even makes sense.

 

Edited January 9, 2015 by lissvarna

[J2911]

First, I am bisexual. Secondly, I dated a woman who I met through a friend for a little bit in the summer. She got very angry with me because I made a lesbian joke to our mutual friend, who told her the joke (because she thought it was funny.) Let me saying I'm very far left politically, a social worker, and I'm attracted to women, and about as far from a bigot as it is possible to be.

 

But she was so offended by this pretty harmless joke that the next time we saw one another, in a group, she belittled everything I said, embarrassed me, and treated me horribly the whole day. I didn't even know WHAT she was mad about! I found out later. We ended up getting into a short argument the next day and she blocked me on Facebook and her phone. I was hurt and offended but got over it.

 

A couple months later we see one another at a friends bday party. (By this point I'd just recently met a guy I liked online, but we'd only been on one date). After the party she apologizes and says she'd like to fix things.

 

I figure this is OK, and I'm comfortable with casually dating two people. I was a bit more interested in her at the time but definitely liked him too.

 

Long story short, I find out the two of them dated for about a year 4 years ago; she was the one to end it. On a date with her I decide to be honest and I tell her this. We laugh, I let her know I'm currently more into her, and it's NBD. But the date ended horribly. Her tune toward me changed, she was a major bitch and I walked out.

 

I continue dating him and it's been about 3 months now. We are in a happy, healthy relationship.

 

Well, I still hear from her now and then- normally angry and spiteful messages, which when I call her she'll say are jokes.

 

Last night out of nowhere she texted me to come over and hang out at 11pm (when a few weeks ago she was crazy rude to me via text). She then texts me repeatedly asking if I'm "having fun f*cking her ex" and that I'd "better get tested" if I'm with him and referring to him as an "as*hole" (even though she dumped him and he's never behaved that way toward me). She called me a "puppet, much like Ian" (bf). Referred to me as pathetic (why? Not sure). She also implies that my very good friend thinks I'm manipulative (which really hurt me).

 

I'm not sure if this is WHY she harassed me all night, but we'll be seeing one another at a party tonight. prior to all the calls/texts (which continued til 8am this morning), I had been ready to be civil and get through an awkward night. There's no 100% cutting her out of my life as she is very good friends with my very good friend, and enmeshed in my group of friends. I'll have to see her every couple of months, UNLESS i avoid fun activities to avoid her which I'm not willing to do.

 

I'm thinking after her pretty crazy behavior she may not show up later, which would be good.

 

I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for. I mainly ignored her until she started saying things about my boyfriend.... because if she has secret, negative information about him I wanted to know to protect myself. She was drunk though and incoherent. I stopped responding but she kept going.

 

I'm very upset today and having doubts about my boyfriend and my friends. It's awful. And for the record, it always seemed like I was more into this girl than she ever was into me, but now she's acting jealous and angry. None of this harassment even makes sense.

 

 

Wow,

The only advice I have ( well , statement ) she sounds a little nutty .

Stay away from her ad she seems toxic.

[Light Breeze]

Why is she harassing you? Plain and simple. She's jealous.

 

She likes to sow distrust to punish you for going out with somebody different,in this case her ex.

 

Well, what I think you should do is talk to your BF about this threat to put it out in the open. She may or may not have a terrible secret to tell, but would you really let her win by being bothered about it? She's in your group of friends, don't let her scare you out of it.

[Itspointless]

Why is she harassing you? Plain and simple. She's jealous.

 

She likes to sow distrust to punish you for going out with somebody different,in this case her ex.

 

Well, what I think you should do is talk to your BF about this threat to put it out in the open. She may or may not have a terrible secret to tell, but would you really let her win by being bothered about it? She's in your group of friends, don't let her scare you out of it.

I agree with Light Breez, Her reaction to your joke was off to begin with. More importantly she came back when you started to date him, she already knew that you were I am sure. I dare to bet her actions are out of spite. She does not want both of you to be happy, let alone with each-other.

 

I also doubt that she has a secret about your boyfriend. Unfortunately she already almost succeeded as you wanted to listen to her. Remember she called you manipulative. I do not know you, but you do yourself. Tell your boyfriend, I would not be surprised if she has done similar things to him.

[Elle1975]

Well, you could always keep the text messages and show them to your mutual friend. Take it from there. Personally I'd take some distance, this chick seems.. bad sht crazy?

 

The hell with all the drama, lose a friend, but gain peace of mind.

[Eighty_nine]

Remember she called you manipulative. I do not know you, but you do yourself. Tell your boyfriend, I would not be surprised if she has done similar things to him.

 

How does my wanting to know information she's implying she has about my boyfriend make me manipulative...? That's really a protection thing. I was seriously hurt in my last relationship, and she hurt me too, so if there's something I don't know about him I want to know.

 

But yeah, she basically got me to answer her messages when she started making those implications about him. I told him all about this, which I think was the right thing to do.

 

And I'm definitely saving her texts. I almost wish our mutual friends knew this side of her- I think she'd be out of the group quick. She puts on a great front, though.

[Elle1975]

If there's something wrong about your bf, I doubt she'd be a reliable source.

 

Seems like she's trying to sabotage your relationship. Just go by what your guts tell you. Do you think there's anything seriously wrong with the guy?

[Bellaisa]

Someone who acts like that is sad inside. As you said, probably jealous over what you have. Don't let someone's fears and insecurities make you question your own relationships - boyfriend, girlfriend, or just friend.

 

If you can't get away from her, then at least don't encourage the behavior. But personally, I wouldn't want that type of relationship in my life and I would do what I have to do to completely cut off contact.

[umirano]

Just block her and ignore her when you meet in person. Why do you respect someone so rude and primitive with acknowledging their existence?