Jimi Hendrix Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Hey guys, I'm new to this forum, hope you're doing well! My ex and I of two months have broken up, it seems. Our relationship was going great up until I got overly needy due to my bi-polar disorder on NYE. Long story, but we didn't spend New Years together which left me feeling distraught, and because I felt she was ignoring me, sent a barrage of texts and calls to her phone on New Years Eve night, which she didn't receive till the morning as her phone was in her bag. She woke to find a ton of messages from me. Which unfortunately led to her looking at me in a completely different light. I didn't send anything horrible, they were just messages filled with distress. But this eventually has led to her losing feelings for me, so now I'm trying to revive my relationship and get her back. We met up briefly on Saturday last weekend at 3pm. It started by her saying that she needed space and in that time I should sort out my issues, which I promised to do. I told her instead that maybe we should be friends, it would be better. Which I think this took her by surprise a bit, so she agreed. I wished her a wonderful life as we parted. She told me not to say that. That I can get in touch anytime. But in my mind that was the last thing I wanted to do. I go into No Contact mode. Waking up Sunday morning to find a couple of phone calls from her and a text, asking for a chat. When we do chat, she's in bits, apologising massively for her behaviour and that she wants to be together. She wants to try and make our relationship work. Obviously, this is great news to me. She later comes around to my flat that evening, and is completely a different person to the one I spoke with on the phone. Don't think I helped by being slightly corny. She later tells me that the feeling she had for me is lost and leaves without wanting to stay and chat, which breaks my heart. Second time in a row she's done this, leaving me enraged so I decide to go into no contact again. That same night, so Sunday, I receive this text: "If I stayed the night feeling this way it would be much worse. I'm so sorry for today but I just really wanted to try to go back to how it was but I can't. I realise that by doin that I ****ed with your feelings. Trust me that is the last thing I want and feel awful about it. If you want to be friends with me, I promise I'd be good at that and won't let you down. I care a lot about you x" I ignore it, then on Monday night, she sends me the following text: "I should have cancelled the taxi and waited at least to talk to you. I ****ed up. Please don't hate me. I don't want that to be the last time I see you. :(" I haven't received anything since. Is it worth keeping up the no contact? Am I on the right path? We really care about each other. it's just that, she lost her feelings for me out of my neediness. I need to re-ignite those feelings. We were going great up until then. What would you suggest I do? Please help. Thanks in advance. JH Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Do NC - but do it to move on, and put her in the past. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimi Hendrix Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 Do NC - but do it to move on, and put her in the past. Thanks, but what should I do if she gets in touch after a week or a month? Is that enough time to say that it's worth giving it a shot? Can her feelings have potentially changed in this time? As we speak, I'm working on improving myself, so by that time, I'll be a better me. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Do NC - but do it to move on, and put her in the past. As stated above. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Thanks, but what should I do if she gets in touch after a week or a month? Is that enough time to say that it's worth giving it a shot? Can her feelings have potentially changed in this time? As we speak, I'm working on improving myself, so by that time, I'll be a better me. Don't feel that it's not ok to be who you are. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 give her the purple haze 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimi Hendrix Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 Don't feel that it's not ok to be who you are. Thanks, you're right. I shouldn't have to change for anyone but me. The circumstances that we got together were under great sex, is it worth trying that? Going out, having a good time, a few drinks, then make up sex perhaps? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimi Hendrix Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 give her the purple haze Haha. Wish I could. But it's not that easy. Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Thanks, but what should I do if she gets in touch after a week or a month? Is that enough time to say that it's worth giving it a shot? Can her feelings have potentially changed in this time? As we speak, I'm working on improving myself, so by that time, I'll be a better me. If she tries to get in touch, you should continue with NC and not respond, as this chapter should be closed. I think she'd only be reaching out because of curiosity/loneliness. This is why she reconsidered after you guys broke up the first time- and then when she saw that you were willing to give it another go, she rejected the relationship again. The fact that you were distressed in the first place implies that there was some sort of a disconnect between you two. Her deciding to end it over that is more proof of that. Don't take this personally - but improvements rarely happen in one quick month. It takes a lot of time. But I'm sure you can/will make some progress - just not all - right away. So give yourself time. Focus on you. The best way to have a relationship with another person is when you are healthy, and happy in your own skin - so work on establishing that relationship with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Thanks, you're right. I shouldn't have to change for anyone but me. The circumstances that we got together were under great sex, is it worth trying that? Going out, having a good time, a few drinks, then make up sex perhaps? I don't know what you should do, but if you can get sweet with yourself - feeling good about yourself, and your good qualities, people tend to pick up on that and find you nice to be around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimi Hendrix Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 If she tries to get in touch, you should continue with NC and not respond, as this chapter should be closed. I think she'd only be reaching out because of curiosity/loneliness. This is why she reconsidered after you guys broke up the first time- and then when she saw that you were willing to give it another go, she rejected the relationship again. The fact that you were distressed in the first place implies that there was some sort of a disconnect between you two. Her deciding to end it over that is more proof of that. Don't take this personally - but improvements rarely happen in one quick month. It takes a lot of time. But I'm sure you can/will make some progress - just not all - right away. So give yourself time. Focus on you. The best way to have a relationship with another person is when you are healthy, and happy in your own skin - so work on establishing that relationship with you. You make good points. Alright, I'll focus on oneself. It wasn't meant to be. No matter how much I want it to. Hopefully, I find someone better, I deserve better anyway. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I told her instead that maybe we should be friends, it would be better. That is tragically bad idea. Like really really bad. Wait to see if she gives you anything of substance and then answer that you gave it some thought and you know she can't give you what you need any more. She will respect you only - she does not now because of the barrage - only if she sees your emotional well being is most important to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimi Hendrix Posted January 11, 2015 Author Share Posted January 11, 2015 Tried with all my might to forget her, but she's plaguing my mind. Didn't feel it was right to ignore her lasts text. We shared something, we cared for one another, I think she still does me. So I wanted to try again without coming across as needy and received an intriguing response to say the least: So here's what I sent on Friday night: Hey, appreciate the texts. I needed time to think and begin my makeover. This week has been mental. Look, I understand how you feel, and think you should follow your heart. Sure you'll meet someone great. In all fairness, need to concentrate on my career so having a relationship is going to be the last thing on my mind. Next year maybe with someone special when I've smashed this year out of the park. Don't think friends will work but we can chat maybe from time to time. Have a wonderful life, wish you the best. Then this on Saturday again, after I was told by a female friend that my message sounded a bit up myself: I want you to know I really do care for you it's just hard after you saying you have no feelings at all for me I'm obviously going to be hurt. I don't see the point in just being friends. We're either together or not, if we spend time apart every now and again we'll appreciate the time we have together. We have such a good connection be stupid to throw it away x To which she responded after midnight with: Im sorry, never wanted to hurt u. I'm disappointed about what happened too. Of course I'd like to see u again. Who knows what the future holds. You're a good one. X ---- It seems there's a glimmer of hope. She wants to see me again. Now this is my chance to prove I'm the man she needs, but in order to do that I'm gonna have to quickly fix what brought us to this place first of all. Hopefully, I can do so in a week or two after we've arranged to meet. As well as focusing on myself, going to aim to keep no and limited contact, which will give us more time to reflect and help me becoming stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 Dude, you're on the highway to the friend zone with this approach. If you want to be her buddy, this is a good way to go. But you aren't going to win her back with this approach. You are just going to be ramming your head against the wall. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimi Hendrix Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 Dude, you're on the highway to the friend zone with this approach. If you want to be her buddy, this is a good way to go. But you aren't going to win her back with this approach. You are just going to be ramming your head against the wall. Thanks, I fear you may be right. Just gonna try no contact, stick to it, and see where that gets me. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 You blew your first opportunity to generate huge attraction and in the aftermath when she was telegraphing interest you blew that too. You are now on EgoJoe's keep the girl guessing plan. First step, dating profile, second step go on fun dates and third step no initiation of contact or talking about feelings at all. When she initiates and she will. You respond the next day around noon. Whatever she sends answer lightly. Then tell her that you have decided that things are not always as they seem and you no longer want to be friends and day goodbye. Post here or in dating forum when she initiates after that. Link to post Share on other sites
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