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Communicating with ex


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Hello there guys and girls,

 

There is something that is bothering me for days, even months.

I was with my ex for 6 years. And we broke up before about a year.

She said that she wanted to be alone. After our break up we went back together for a month. Then broke up again. This happened for 3 times. Breaking up for 1-2 months and being together for 1 month.

When we decided to be together again she was loving at first but then she was icy and we were deciding to break up.

The last time we were together she said that maybe our relationship is dead and there is not so much passion anymore.

When she is icy I don’t have a good time with her but when she is loving it is really nice. I don’t know why she changes the way she reacts.

She is very career-motivated and stubborn.

 

We broke up 2 months ago for the last time and a week ago she sent me a message to see how I am doing. I asked her if she wanted something specific and she said no. She also said that we can’t go out as friends because we will mess things up again. But she is ok to speak occasionally. I got angry and told her that I don’t want to see her or talk to her again. She responded that I was the most important part of her life. And we haven’t talked since. I am thinking and dreaming about her.

 

I love her and I am thinking to send her a message to tell her that she is important to me and it is normal not to feel as passionate as at the first time after a long relationship. But another part of me says that this is wrong and I have to forget her.

 

I am not sure what to do. Please help. Your opinions matter!

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well I'm a sucker for following your heart. if you love this girl, then perhaps tell her.

however that may not mean getting back with her, at least yet. she may want to experience something else, and you might find you would enjoy that as well.

 

whatever happens, with your history there is no way she will forget you, and perhaps experiences apart makes you realise you were the best for each other.

if not, then you found something better, so it is win win. this just happens to be the ****ty stage

 

don't play games, live your life fully while apart and be honest to her and to yourself.

good luck pal

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Just food for thought.

 

When someone is blowing hot and cold with you....

 

Usually, more than likely, someone is blowing hot and cold with them.

 

Never believed it until it happened to me...when I thought it wasn't possible.

 

Leave the ball in her court and say only contact me if you want to be with me...

 

And walk away.

 

Don't dismiss what I initially said, really give it some thought.

 

 

 

Barky

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When its over you shouldn't go into the cycle of being on and off together.

 

This is horrible for you and horrible for your mental health. To be honest, all I see screaming through your story is that your ex is no longer interested in you or being with you. If you wanted to have any chance of being with her, you should have cut it off immediately. Instead, you did the opposite and killed any potentoal attraction she may of had for you / regained. She's trying to force her feelings but she can't change how she feels towards you.

 

I also suspect someone else is in her life...once that guy commits to her she's probably going to cut you off and try to offload the blame to you.

 

You need to cut off contact and move away from this situation. Its pointless for you to be there for her...what are you going to do when she starts to date someone else? Talking to her and sticking around won't help you or improve anything.

 

You have to come first now man. She lost that privledge.

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Dear Pel Lara,

 

Allow me to translate:

 

She said that she wanted to be alone

I am interested in pursuing someone else.

 

When we decided to be together again she was loving at first but then she was icy and we were deciding to break up.
The guy she's interested in, is giving her mixed signals.

 

We broke up 2 months ago for the last time and a week ago she sent me a message to see how I am doing
She feels a little bit of guilt and a little bit of uncertainty on what she's going to do, to proceed further with you or him.

 

 

I love her and I am thinking to send her a message to tell her that she is important to me and it is normal not to feel as passionate as at the first time after a long relationship. But another part of me says that this is wrong and I have to forget her.
If you want my opinion, don't send her the message that she's important to you and all that, you guys have been together for 6 years, she knows it very well how much you love her. No need repeating it, it would come off as weak to her and also in the process give her an ego boost. You need to cut this one completely off and starting doing NC. You can tell her "Since it was your idea to break up with me, I don't think we should talk to each other anymore" (after that you do wish her the best and do what you said, you go NC on her, that right there man, is going to be your 100% attraction booster, after that you just sit back and watch what she "does", don't pay attention on what she says, but let her actions speak out for her) Edited by Holmes85
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Dear Pel Lara,

 

Allow me to translate:

 

I am interested in pursuing someone else.

 

The guy she's interested in, is giving her mixed signals.

 

She feels a little bit of guilt and a little bit of uncertainty on what she's going to do, to proceed further with you or him.

 

 

If you want my opinion, don't send her the message that she's important to you and all that, you guys have been together for 6 years, she knows it very well how much you love her. No need repeating it, it would come off as weak to her and also in the process give her an ego boost. You need to cut this one completely off and starting doing NC. You can tell her "Since it was your idea to break up with me, I don't think we should talk to each other anymore" (after that you do wish her the best and do what you said, you go NC on her, that right there man, is going to be your 100% attraction booster, after that you just sit back and watch what she "does", don't pay attention on what she says, but let her actions speak out for her)

 

You are right!

I thought about showing weakness by sending her that message and that's why I was thinking about it so much.

Now we are NC. Do you suggest to send her a message now and tell her that? ("Since it was your idea to break up with me, I don't think we should talk to each other anymore"). Or continue NC?

My last message to her was "I don't want to see you again" because I was angry.

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No, go NC. If SHE contacts you, then you fire back with your "I have no interest in being friends" and resume NC.

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No, don't send anything. You are giving away your power each time

You slip up and talk to her.

 

Also you do not need to explain yourself to her. You're a stonewall

To her.

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Laaaawwd.

 

OP, bottom line here is you are expecting something of her, she is not willing to offer you anything.

Good things in life, imo, are all about equal give and take. The dynamic simply isn't productive for good things.

 

Ignore your emotions right now.

Don't sacrifice any part of yourself.

 

If you forget this person now, before long this will all be forgotten.

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Laaaawwd.

 

OP, bottom line here is you are expecting something of her, she is not willing to offer you anything.

Good things in life, imo, are all about equal give and take. The dynamic simply isn't productive for good things.

 

Ignore your emotions right now.

Don't sacrifice any part of yourself.

 

If you forget this person now, before long this will all be forgotten.

 

 

 

^^^^^ ding ding ding!!

 

 

 

 

Barky

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Im kinda going through what you are mate, me and my ex we stuck as friends after being broken up for external reasons (we were going to marry), but i clearly could tell and was showing i had feelings for her, to the point where anything out of her normal behaviour id pick up on. Alas, it hit its peak about 10 days ago where her behaviour seriously changed, where i said you tell me whats up or dont text me at all, she tried to carry on the convo to something else, but i told her im sticking to what im saying. After that, there has been no contact, ball is definitely in her court and i just have to move forward now.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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She said that: "I know you told me not to bother you but it was going to be our anniversary today and I couldn't not send you a message! I love you and hope you are well!"

 

Why is she doing that??!

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So just ignore her?

Send nothing back.

Not even "Since it was your idea to break up with me, I don't think we should talk to each other anymore”?

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towardthefuture

I don't think you should respond. If you don't respond she'll probably text you again. If you start getting tonnnsssss of texts from her you might send a 'leave me alone' text, but no, I wouldn't respond to this.

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Don't respond to her breadcrumbs.. she expects you to behave a certain way so do the complete opposite. Move on and ahead of her, be out of her reach. People don't know what they had until its gone.

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  • 1 month later...
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The last few days I am missing her and thinking about her all the time.

I discussed it a bit with a friend.

 

My last message to her was that I don't want to see her again and I don't want to know her. A month after that she said she loves me and hopes I am well. I haven't replied.

My friend said that: after saying that I don't want to know her and see her again and by not replying to her message she won't send me again because I rejected her twice and she thinks that I moved on.

 

The truth is I want her to be in my life again. I am thinking about her and I don't want my behaviour to push her away.

 

What should I do? Text her that I am thinking about her? Or continue being out of reach?

 

Please help.

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She said that: "I know you told me not to bother you but it was going to be our anniversary today and I couldn't not send you a message! I love you and hope you are well!"

 

Why is she doing that??!

Because her heart is selfish! Let's take her at her word for a moment... she loves you, but she likes to sample other guys' d!cks and an email every once in a while satisfies her love for you.

 

Are you the same kind of person, or do you view a love relationship differently? Even if you are the same, wouldn't you know that most people aren't?

 

She doesn't love you. She likes you, but she doesn't love you.

 

Last point, your old anniversary date no longer applies. Your new anniversary date is the date you broke up.

 

Oh, and you should look into ways of automatically deleting those messages. How depends on where you're getting them, but it can and should be done.

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Because her heart is selfish! Let's take her at her word for a moment... she loves you, but she likes to sample other guys' d!cks and an email every once in a while satisfies her love for you.

 

Are you the same kind of person, or do you view a love relationship differently? Even if you are the same, wouldn't you know that most people aren't?

 

She doesn't love you. She likes you, but she doesn't love you.

 

Last point, your old anniversary date no longer applies. Your new anniversary date is the date you broke up.

 

Oh, and you should look into ways of automatically deleting those messages. How depends on where you're getting them, but it can and should be done.

 

What if she wants to contact me to be together again, but she doesn't because of my behaviour?

This is what we have discussed with my friend. And he told me that if he was in her shoes he wouldn't send because he would feel that I moved on by the way I replied/or not replied to the messages.

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What if she wants to contact me to be together again, but she doesn't because of my behaviour?

This is what we have discussed with my friend. And he told me that if he was in her shoes he wouldn't send because he would feel that I moved on by the way I replied/or not replied to the messages.

Everybody has that fear; but you're lucky in this respect. You had a single relationship where you couldn't make it work FOUR TIMES. You don't really have to worry about her wanting to get back together, at least, not permanently. You can ignore her in good conscience.

 

If you really want to get back in line for one more ride on the roller-coaster, then by all means, reach out and stay in touch. Just remember that the ride always ends.

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