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My story

Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 1st January 2015, 2:16 AM   #1
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 5
My story

My scenario

I started sleeping with a girl I worked with just under 2 years ago. Things progressed which I didn't really want. I hated the idea of having a relationship I think because of the failed ones I've seen. Mum and dad divorced, my two elder brothers have kids to ex partners so I've just always been weary. I never admitted to anyone how much I began to like the girl. We began sleeping together every night and a relationship began without either of us asking. We get on great, very open with eachother and just enjoy each others company. She was madly in love with me and would always text and call me flat out with little effort from my behalf, often not even replying. One night very early in us playing around she went to the club with her mates and came and stayed at mine when she got home. Next morning her friend said what about you last night in front of me, she went red in the face and stopped her mate from telling the story. I knew there was something behind it. A year into the relationship I had her Facebook pass and found a message from her friend about that night, she kissed a bloke and didn't want me to find out about it. I confronted her and she denied it. I told her I knew and that it was over. Couple of days later I was missing her and she sent a huge message apologising and telling me how much she loved me. We got back together. Not long after we got a good job opportunity at the same place again and moved in together. My job consisted of a lot more responsibility then I was used and stress. I was working very hard, sleeping and watching tv. We didn't do much fun stuff at all. She is only 23 I'm 29, so looking back life must have been getting pretty boring but she still loved me heaps. Half way through the year she found out that I was an addicted gambler, I was blowing my wage each week, borrowing money off her (paying her back the next week to only borrow again) she never said no to me. We decided to start putting my wage into her account and she would give me a bit to play with each week. Because i had less ammunition to feed the addiction I began to resent her. I was being rude and not showing her any affection. I'm a nice person and I care and lover her a lot so this behaviour is embarrassing to reflect on. Anyway about 4 months ago she had to travel for work. I told her I was happy about it, I'd get some space to myself and freedom. The first few weeks she would message me constantly call me often and I was sharp with her. Unless I wanted money, then I would be extra nice. She would ask me if I missed her and I would say no. After a few weeks she started making friends and going out. I was jealous and lonely. Just had work sleep and my addiction. Half way through her time away I had a realisation that I needed to give up gsmbling, so I did. I rang My girl and told her that I was quitting my job and moving to mums to sort myself out, I didn't discuss it with her (which I later found out hurt her, duh!) One Sunday when she was only a few weeks away from coming home I got ridiculously drunk as a celebration to the fact I had money, unknown feeling. I got kicked out of the pub went home and rang her, we had a good convo. About an hour after we hung up I decided to get on her Facebook and go through her messages. I read one to a bloke, innocent enough but finished with a kiss emoticon, which was enough for me to lose it. I rang her up accused her of anything and everything called her some names and broke up with her. Next day I didn't turn into work, way too hungover. Then I didn't contact her for 4 days. On the 4th day I was sick in the stomach, I felt awful. I sent her a message, saying sorry and telling her how terrible I felt. She rang me straight away in tears, she had being crying for the 4 days and was seriously depressed. She was really hurt this time. Over the next few days we talked but she wasn't the same. Finally I asked her about us and she said she was confused. That had me in a bit of a panic. When she got home I picked her up and it wasn't good. I could tell it was real bad but I thought things would get back to normal. First night we slept together and she didn't want to touch or kiss. It was killing me. I fired up the next day and said I couldn't sleep in the same room as her and not be affectionate. So as a theat I told her I would move to another room, I got the wrong response, she said that would be a good idea. I was hitting depression that I had never felt, I still had hope though. I wasn't caving in completely either, still was acting like I was ok. A week later it was my birthday and she took me for dinner, I was a bit excited. It was awful, awkward and I was on the other side of the table but felt like I was a mile away from her. The next night we got drunk at a party and she went and stayed at her friends, once the party was over a needed to see her. I finally got hold of her and she let me come see her, she knew I was in a bad way. We cuddled but definitely nothing more. The next night we were due back at work the following day and in the arvo I went to her room to get her back. She said not now, that she was still hurting. I said that I couldn't do it anymore and I had to get away. I still had 3 weeks left before I was due to leave but I rang the boss crying and explained the situation. I jumped on a plane the next morning to get away from the hurt, how wrong I was. I thought maybe mum could take the pain away, she couldn't. I tried to keep busy the first few days and exercise, went to meetings for my gambling and tried to feel the time in. Eating was hard, my stomach was twisted, the feeling were so foreign to me and I didn't know how to manage them. Over the next few weeks I attempted no contact, failed twice, with her failing once. I would ring her up and ask how she was doing and tell her how badly I was doing ( exactly what I read not to do) I handled it terribly, she would tell me she still loved me the same but was just to confused and just knew she couldn't be with me atm. Then after the first 2 weeks **** started to get real. She went out, lots! And her snapchat top 3 was all guys. I attacked her for that and she said its just snaps of her kitten (obviously not )Blokes she never talked to when we were together, her activity on Facebook would be I can't remember last night or hope I didn't do anything too bad last night. It ****ed with my head big time. I decided that I had to stop looking at her Facebook. ( you think!?) deleted her of snapchat and everything else. Then a week later I got on the drink and decided to look at her Facebook (idiot) she was messaging blokes, nothing bad but very playful. I sent her a big message, told her I couldn't do it anymore and that I was going to stop talking to her and delete her on Facebook. She rang me the next day and cried, said she was struggling too and she was so confused. After that convo I started texting her a bit and was getting cold replies. All the while I was still getting help for gambling and doing so well on that front but my guts and head were still in bits. She was still partying like an animal. We skyped on Chrissy which was nice and since been talking a little bit. It's pretty natural on the phone and feels a bit normal. I found out she lied to me about a few nights ago, she went home with a bloke and said that she got home early. I confronted her about it and she wanted to know who told me (Facebook ) I said I couldn't tell her. I'm not really upset about it, she said it was a huge mistake and she didn't sleep with him. I don't blame her, she's 23 been single for a couple of months, it's bound to happen. I still think about her way to much, most minutes of every day and still feel hollow in the stomach. I'm going back to stay at hers this weekend. She said that she's excited and nervous to see me. I love her lots and feel that I am a different man. I will never gamble again, of that I'm sure and proud of. I understand how important it is not to neglect a relationship now. I'm so confused about what to do. I am going to get a job again soon but she really has so much influence on my decision. If I'm not going to be with her I don't want to move near her. If we are I'll get a job close to her. I have read that you should take your time getting back with an ex but I reslly don't have much more time up my sleeve before I have to start making decisions. Pros are, she loves me so much, she is a great girl with a good sense of humour, similar interests and encourages me to go for my dreams. She's my biggest fan and I love her heaps. Negatives are: she was interested in other guys very quickly after we broke, she spends too much time looking at her phone and she doesn't want sex as often as I do. Also a big one is she might not want to get back with me. 😳 I need some advice, what do you think when you read this? What should I do about her facebook? I don't want to be checking up on her but curiosity always gets the better of me. How should I attack that. Most importantly what should I do tomorrow and for the next couple of days with her? Has too much happened? Have I treated her too badly for her to ever be able to forgive and trust me? Sorry about the novel but I must say it felt good to write it. All advice welcomed.
One screwed up dude!!! 😜
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