LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Breaks and Breaking Up

The nightmare of Christmas breakup


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Like Tree5Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 30th December 2014, 7:39 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 727
The nightmare of Christmas breakup

There's nothing more painful. You can't eat, sleep, or think about anything else. Other than the woman you love and who has left you.

All you want to do is be back at home with her, but she wont even talk to you. She wants you gone, out of the house, and she never wants to see you again. Not ever.

You are a rejected piece of s#it and you've never felt so low in your life. But she doesn't care. She hates you. You might as well be dead and she couldn't care less.

So yeah, this is me and how I've been feeling. 2 days ago the love of my life, kicked me out of her life. My father died a few months back also, so this has been a very tough time for me.

I could go into the details, but I'll only look at what I did to contribute to the end of the relationship. I wasn't looking after myself, putting myself first. She became the focal point of my life.
It didn't look like that on the surface, but that's the truth of it. And if you don't work on yourself, you're relationship is going to end. Its only a matter of time. In my case, it was my insecurities that drove her mad.

There's one thing I have to accept here, and that's what anyone in my situation must accept. There's very little chance that this girl is going to take me back. In my experience when a woman makes up her mind against you, its usually for life.

I'd give myself about a 5% chance of getting my girl back.

Here's some conclusions I've come to.

1) Start looking after myself. Not in a couple of weeks when I start feeling better or even tomorrow morning. Right now.

2) Do not contact her. Don't beg for breadcrumbs, forgiveness and a 2nd chance as I was. This will just push her away further, and reinforce her belief that I'm a needy piece of s@it not worth the time of day.

3) End it with her also. I actually rang her up and told her that she's right, I should leave and I am leaving as I've hurt her and need to sort myself out. That might seem like the last thing you want to do as it might seem like you are ruining chances of getting back. But I feel this actually gives me back my power, I am also making the decision that this is for the best, instead of going along with someone else's rejection.

If I follow the above, there's about a 5% chance of getting her back. There's also a 100% chance that I'l feel a lot better about myself, and meet someone new.

I don't have time to indulge in heavy grieving. After my father passed away, I was very sad. I've only just started feeling better, and my system is rejecting large doses of further grief. At one point in the last few days, I got pretty bad. But I can't be bothered with walking around in a nightmare state, with the sky black. I've done that many times in my life after break ups and I have less time for it now.

I'm sure I'll have further nights of loneliness and depression, gut wrenching agony and I'm going to miss her every second of every day for a while. Everything will and does remind me of her. Its like I've been killed in some ways, accept I'm still walking.
Sometimes the grief hits me so strong...

But I want to fight this for ME and get back on my feet.

If anyone got any comments or something to share, I'd love to hear it.
fromheart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2014, 7:50 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: West Coast Canada
Posts: 89
Im sorry for your loss and situation. I'm going through a breakup as well. I admire your strength and self worth. I'm fighting to not contact her anymore even though I did beg and cry like a lost puppy at first. Pathetic. I wish I was as strong as you. I think you did the right thing and have more of a chance with NC. Mine usually doesn't contact me until I've started to move on, then she pulls me in again. Its horrible. I hope you get better soon, I hope we all get better soon.
love2ride is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2014, 8:04 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 727
I actually did beg and cry, I even went into our bedroom asking to talk to her. She looked at me told me I was freaking her out and got me to leave the room. Sounds pretty cold and hard, but I was pathetic and don't blame her.

Don't let her pull you backwards and forwards like that. I've been there. It ended with the girl going off with someone else.
fromheart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2014, 8:05 PM   #4
Established Member
 
coolheadal's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: See ya...
Posts: 3,876
We're all gone through this, but the lost of a parent is very tough one to get over and your EX should have been more supportive than she is now. But you have let yourself go down hill. So while that was going on she felt she didn't want to be with you anymore she has had enough. So this is where you are at now. Best to not think about her as she not thinking about you at all. This hurts but not much you can really do in these sort of situations. You really need to find someone more understanding and supportive. That's the key too a good relationship today. But many couples in relationships are not that way. Which leads to the words

"PACK-UP YOUR THINGS AND GET OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW!"

No one wants to here those words doing the holiday's but it does happen no matter what. Don't take this to heart just leave her be. Let her contact you if she doesn't do that in 90 days (3 months) then more on. But don't be in a huge rush to find someone else, because you need to get yourself back to 100% positive guy. Right now it's less than 50%. Don't let the Ex get to you as she will and you need to correct that. In force a NC = no contact/no communication.
coolheadal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2014, 8:31 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 736
Fromheart, I know this time is difficult for you and the fact that it's the holidays and almost the New Year makes it that much more painful, since it's a sentimental time frame. However, I truly admire your strong will and mindset, given the circumstances.

It's funny you mention you think there's a 5% chance of getting your ex back and that when a woman makes up her mind, it's usually for life. I have thought that way about men - like when they decide to end it, it's over for good with nil chance for reconciliation. I think you have that idea given your past experience(s) which is understandable.

You are going into this with such a great attitude, a motivation to push through to the other side to heal (and if she returns and it works out for the best, so be it). However, as you know, you can't force healing when it comes to matters of the heart, as it lets go slowly but surely, but at its own set pace.

With that stated, your plan sounds golden and healthy and is so inspiring. You WILL get through this, as you know. Keep up the fight, and we're here to comfort as needed. Allow yourself to grieve.

Last edited by dyna85; 30th December 2014 at 8:33 PM..
dyna85 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2014, 8:48 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 727
Quote:
Originally Posted by dyna85 View Post
Fromheart, I know this time is difficult for you and the fact that it's the holidays and almost the New Year makes it that much more painful, since it's a sentimental time frame. However, I truly admire your strong will and mindset, given the circumstances.

It's funny you mention you think there's a 5% chance of getting your ex back and that when a woman makes up her mind, it's usually for life. I have thought that way about men - like when they decide to end it, it's over for good with nil chance for reconciliation. I think you have that idea given your past experience(s) which is understandable.

You are going into this with such a great attitude, a motivation to push through to the other side to heal (and if she returns and it works out for the best, so be it). However, as you know, you can't force healing when it comes to matters of the heart, as it lets go slowly but surely, but at its own set pace.

With that stated, your plan sounds golden and healthy and is so inspiring. You WILL get through this, as you know. Keep up the fight, and we're here to comfort as needed. Allow yourself to grieve.
I'm already sick of insomnia, no appetite, going from a desirable man to a begging child, and I'm only 3 days in.

I just don't have any more energy, time and taste for heavy grieving, I'm already going through that from the death of my father.

Been through 6 heavy breakups in my life. A couple of them had me down and out for a long time. When I was over the grieving, I realised a simple fact. If they'd been the ones for me, they wouldn't have gone. It was that simple.

I'd rather just own up to the fact that I haven't been looking after myself and get on with looking after myself, then fall by the wayside of life. But yeah, there will be depression to face down in the coming weeks.

Thank you both for your kind words.
fromheart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2014, 9:02 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,349
Quote:
Originally Posted by coolheadal View Post
your EX should have been more supportive than she is now. [...] You really need to find someone more understanding and supportive. That's the key too a good relationship today. But many couples in relationships are not that way.
That's depressing. For me it are these moments that love gets its true meaning. Knowing that both got each-others back.

Apparently a man needs to be a mix between George Clooney and Rambo or the misses gets disappointed, pathetic
Itspointless is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2014, 9:14 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 727
Quote:
Originally Posted by Itspointless View Post
That's depressing. For me it are these moments that love gets its true meaning. Knowing that both got each-others back.

Apparently a man needs to be a mix between George Clooney and Rambo or the misses gets disappointed, pathetic
I told her that I've been all over the place since my father died, really raw which is why I haven't been able to attend to myself as much. She said, 'That's no excuse.'
fromheart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2014, 9:24 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,349
Quote:
Originally Posted by fromheart View Post
I told her that I've been all over the place since my father died, really raw which is why I haven't been able to attend to myself as much. She said, 'That's no excuse.'
I lost my mother as an adolescent (long ago) it were rough years when she was ill. I can tell you that my mental state wasn't pretty back then. I do not know your ex, as surely she must have had qualities, but she sounds selfish.

I am really sorry for the loss of your dad.
Itspointless is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2014, 9:32 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 736
You definitely learn a lot about a significant other during times of distress, conflict, and loss of a loved one. Whether or not there's empathy is highlighted in times of hardship. It's a shame she isn't more understanding of your mix of emotions throughout the grieving process of the loss of your father. Actually, it's the perfect 'excuse' -- not really even an excuse, as it's perfectly normal to be all over the place. It's a shame she is not more understanding of this fact.

I know when my mom's father passed away, my dad was not very supportive and that still stings for her after many years have passed. He put his needs before hers and didn't really demonstrate compassion, and it wasn't right.

If she's bailing and you've tried to make it work, what more can you do? Ball's in her court. Agree with you that the one for you won't leave your side. True statement. I like the quote: 'What's for you won't pass you, so don't give up hope.'

Still doesn't change the extent of loss you're experiencing and the resulting grief. Your reactions/emotions are normal.. the insomnia, lack of appetite, etc. It's just an unfortunate part of the process. There will be light at the end of the tunnel, but it will take time to get there. Unfortunately, there is no way out but 'through' the emotions, no matter how excruciatingly painful they may be. Give it time. I know that is not very helpful and probably makes you want to scream/roll your eyes. I know. I literally would just push through as best you can. Take walks. This is helping me with my healing. I also allow myself to cry. Just get it all out and deal with it. There's no side-stepping grief.
dyna85 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2014, 9:00 AM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 727
Quote:
Originally Posted by Itspointless View Post
I lost my mother as an adolescent (long ago) it were rough years when she was ill. I can tell you that my mental state wasn't pretty back then. I do not know your ex, as surely she must have had qualities, but she sounds selfish.

I am really sorry for the loss of your dad.
Thank you, and sorry for your loss also. Yeah, she has been cold and hard. There's also some truth in her words, there's no excuse for not looking after yourself and I have to own up to that. I wasn't always looking after myself to the best of my abilities before the death of my father. Thats the truth I have to own up to.

But yeah, bereavement is one of the biggest pains in life and she could have been more understanding.
fromheart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2014, 9:06 AM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 727
Quote:
Originally Posted by dyna85 View Post
You definitely learn a lot about a significant other during times of distress, conflict, and loss of a loved one. Whether or not there's empathy is highlighted in times of hardship. It's a shame she isn't more understanding of your mix of emotions throughout the grieving process of the loss of your father. Actually, it's the perfect 'excuse' -- not really even an excuse, as it's perfectly normal to be all over the place. It's a shame she is not more understanding of this fact.

I know when my mom's father passed away, my dad was not very supportive and that still stings for her after many years have passed. He put his needs before hers and didn't really demonstrate compassion, and it wasn't right.

If she's bailing and you've tried to make it work, what more can you do? Ball's in her court. Agree with you that the one for you won't leave your side. True statement. I like the quote: 'What's for you won't pass you, so don't give up hope.'

Still doesn't change the extent of loss you're experiencing and the resulting grief. Your reactions/emotions are normal.. the insomnia, lack of appetite, etc. It's just an unfortunate part of the process. There will be light at the end of the tunnel, but it will take time to get there. Unfortunately, there is no way out but 'through' the emotions, no matter how excruciatingly painful they may be. Give it time. I know that is not very helpful and probably makes you want to scream/roll your eyes. I know. I literally would just push through as best you can. Take walks. This is helping me with my healing. I also allow myself to cry. Just get it all out and deal with it. There's no side-stepping grief.
Thankyou. No there is no side stepping grief. I like the quote also. And I agree that though I have not been maintaining myself, she could have also been more understanding if she loved me so much. I am all over the place about my fathers death. I haven't fully accepted it.

Yeah, I've told her that I would do my best to make it work but thats not enough for her. So what indeed can I do. The girl I'm looking for would give me that fighting chance if she loved me.
fromheart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2014, 10:17 AM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,349
Quote:
Originally Posted by fromheart View Post
Thankyou. No there is no side stepping grief. I like the quote also. And I agree that though I have not been maintaining myself, she could have also been more understanding if she loved me so much. I am all over the place about my fathers death. I haven't fully accepted it.

Yeah, I've told her that I would do my best to make it work but thats not enough for her. So what indeed can I do. The girl I'm looking for would give me that fighting chance if she loved me.
You know this is the third time in somewhat over a year that I read a story about someone being dumped after a death, there are probably also other stories by members that I have missed. In my experience usually people have to go through experiences themselves to be able to emphasize.

Reading many stories here confirm my lifelong suspicion that many people are not with others out of love, but purely for selfish reasons, often simply because their are scared to be alone. In a way just as many people take children to show a accomplished life to the outside world: look I am still in the game. Even as it was a good lesson to see that you can look better after yourself, you deserve much better.

It sometimes makes me sad people are like this.

Last edited by Itspointless; 31st December 2014 at 10:19 AM..
Itspointless is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Breakup just in time for christmas :( WWYD? butterfly82 Breaks and Breaking Up 3 20th December 2013 8:21 PM
This has become a nightmare Prettybones Breaks and Breaking Up 2 15th June 2013 3:37 AM
Nightmare Christmas Harkonn Breaks and Breaking Up 3 28th December 2010 12:23 AM
breakup two days before christmas... quincycat85 Breaks and Breaking Up 0 24th December 2006 3:52 PM
First Christmas after the breakup. What should I do? xxsilverdragonxx Coping 6 2nd December 2004 6:33 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 6:35 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.