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NC as dumpee


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First of i want to apologize for my bad english - it's not my primary language. Secondly i know there is tons of equal posts like the one i post now but i feel i need to tell my story and hopefully get some encouraging and uplifting advice.

 

Me and my ex-girlfriend started dating 2 years ago in the summer. shes 20 and i'm 24. Back then i lived and studied on Australia and had a vacation back in my home country. Well, long story short, we fell in love and i dropped out and moved back and rented a appartment in her hometown.

She moved in with me by her own initiative after a while and we lived together in a year or so before, of some weird reason, we moved in with her mother and brother. The time we lived alone was great for both of us.

From then, everything went downhill when i think back on that period. She became more and more distant until late november when i confronted her about it asking if she would spend the x-mas holliday with me. She told me the relationship had become more of a friendship, which i agreed upon and left without begging. I said i wanted to work on the relationship but she had made up her mind.

 

BREAKUP:

What really hurts is that i was never given a chance. She didn't talk to me about her feelings, just went colder and more distant every day. In the period we lived at her mothers house i did ask her how she felt about everything and gave her the opportunity to tell me how she felt, the response however was that we someday would move out together. ( The living situation didn't suit me)

 

Anyway, i don't know what happend and i dont want to ask. I'm in NC now since 18.december - the only thing we have talked about in that period (from BU to 18dec) is my stuff i need to pick up - which i now have.

 

I feel i left her gracefully and confident without any begging or questions. I just left and that's that. The first weekend after the breakup she snapped a picture of her out in town with some random guy, i didnt respond but maaaan that hurt.

What i want is to reconcile with her, because well.. I love her, and i think she is the most wonderful person i've ever been with. I'm 24yo and have 4 other relationships in my belt, but this one is different. I think thats why i left her so "peacefully", i only want for her to be happy. The other times i've been very irrational and done some stupid things.

 

I'm sorry, my head is a mess and i feel i write just bull****. I overanalyze stuff and i'm really in a bad place atm but i hope you guys understand my situation.. IT's so much to write but i dont want to write a 233 page novel right.. :p

And oh. - i feel i've been a good dumpee. i gave her space, didn't question her decision, not asked about if she's seeing anyone else.. I dont have a clue about anything really.

Plz ask me anything since i feel this post is a mess. But it was good to write it down. As i wrote, i want her back and is there a good chance for that?

Edited by kimbele
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You have a generation gap. 24-20 is huge difference regarding chapters in

life.

 

You behaved extraordinary well during breakup. I wish I did some things

the same. Unfollow her and her social cycle in order to not cause you any

more pain.

 

If she is to come back she has do to it on her own. Show her the

taste of life without you.

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Im in the same boat and can understand how you feel.

 

I'll be honest with you. Both of us have very little chance of being with the woman we love. So little its not worth thinking about.

 

You did the right thing by moving off without begging and crying as some of us do. I did. The best thing to do is to retire with dignity. Do NOT contact her.

 

It just sounds like it wasn't meant to be, but I feel I should point out something to you. You say you were in college but dropped out for this girl. Never, ever compromise your purpose for someone else, especially the woman in your life. The guy who was in college studying for his life work, that's who she fell in love with. The gut who lives with her family answering her every whim and call, that's who became her friend.

 

I've also got to own up to that. My business plan was all good on paper, but in my heart she came first. And woman don't like that.

 

You're young and you're a good man. Never lose that. But put your purpose in life first. Know that if she were to walk out the door, you'd get back to whatever it is that makes you, you.

 

This one is gone my friend. Let her go. End it with her too. I promise you will meet someone else and you have now learned a valuable lesson.

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First of i want to apologize for my bad english - it's not my primary language. Secondly i know there is tons of equal posts like the one i post now but i feel i need to tell my story and hopefully get some encouraging and uplifting advice.

 

Me and my ex-girlfriend started dating 2 years ago in the summer. shes 20 and i'm 24. Back then i lived and studied on Australia and had a vacation back in my home country. Well, long story short, we fell in love and i dropped out and moved back and rented a appartment in her hometown.

She moved in with me by her own initiative after a while and we lived together in a year or so before, of some weird reason, we moved in with her mother and brother. The time we lived alone was great for both of us.

From then, everything went downhill when i think back on that period. She became more and more distant until late november when i confronted her about it asking if she would spend the x-mas holliday with me. She told me the relationship had become more of a friendship, which i agreed upon and left without begging. I said i wanted to work on the relationship but she had made up her mind.

 

BREAKUP:

What really hurts is that i was never given a chance. She didn't talk to me about her feelings, just went colder and more distant every day. In the period we lived at her mothers house i did ask her how she felt about everything and gave her the opportunity to tell me how she felt, the response however was that we someday would move out together. ( The living situation didn't suit me)

 

Anyway, i don't know what happend and i dont want to ask. I'm in NC now since 18.december - the only thing we have talked about in that period (from BU to 18dec) is my stuff i need to pick up - which i now have.

 

I feel i left her gracefully and confident without any begging or questions. I just left and that's that. The first weekend after the breakup she snapped a picture of her out in town with some random guy, i didnt respond but maaaan that hurt.

What i want is to reconcile with her, because well.. I love her, and i think she is the most wonderful person i've ever been with. I'm 24yo and have 4 other relationships in my belt, but this one is different. I think thats why i left her so "peacefully", i only want for her to be happy. The other times i've been very irrational and done some stupid things.

 

I'm sorry, my head is a mess and i feel i write just bull****. I overanalyze stuff and i'm really in a bad place atm but i hope you guys understand my situation.. IT's so much to write but i dont want to write a 233 page novel right.. :p

And oh. - i feel i've been a good dumpee. i gave her space, didn't question her decision, not asked about if she's seeing anyone else.. I dont have a clue about anything really.

Plz ask me anything since i feel this post is a mess. But it was good to write it down. As i wrote, i want her back and is there a good chance for that?

 

I'll be honest with you. There is pretty much no chance that this girl is coming back. I'm in absolutely the same boat and I know how it feels. Its one of the worst pains you're going to feel in life.

 

She's moved on, otherwise she'd be at your door right now, asking for another chance and willing to do anything to get back. Its what you want more than anything in the world. I know its what I want.

 

You've made a similar mistake to me I'd say. You were at college, concentrating on you. Then you dropped out and made her everything in your life. You even moved in with her family. She fell in love with the man who had his purpose. The nice man who answered her every whim became her friend.

 

When I met my girl, I was doing my own thing and concentrating on my career. If it all fell apart with her, I knew I'd just go back to doing my thing. Then it changed. She became my focus. On paper, my business plans are all good. But in my heart she became my number one. Everything was about 'us,' not me and what I was doing. I didn't look after myself. That made me insecure and demanding. It made me weak.

 

You're good man, young with your whole life ahead of you. There will be many other girls to meet. Learn a lesson from this, put your time and effort into looking after yourself. Start from today. Its going to be ok.

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Thanks for the response friends. Well, i now understand that i maybe should'nt have put her first. When i dropped out of college though, it was for the better, i started on something i really wanted to do back home.

 

Anyway, i feel really stupid for screwing up this relationship. I think she is really mature for her age, so the gap between 20 and 24 its not that big. She have a job and career already so.. Well, i will move on, even though it hurts like hell right now on newyears eve. :(

A relationship becomes a friendship when i always give her what she wants?

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Ok, i think you killed whats was left for a little hope to hang on to, for the better and worse. :) Are there no cases where reconciliation happens in these cases where i've probably lost a little bit of myself in the relationship? I want to hear what i want to hear to ease the pain, i know. This just really sucks..

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Ok, so i just got a text from my ex where she wrote "Happy new year :D " ... What's up with that?

 

Translation : Are you still there? Now I'm getting coldfeet I might not meet

someone as good enough as you and I want to be sure I don't end up alone.

 

Ignore. All special occasions are to be ignored between each other.

 

http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com/SpecialOccasionsOfEx

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You handled the situation extremely well so far. You didn't beg and you didn't try to change her mind. You walked away and left her to think about her decision and wonder if she "made the right one".

 

So, in my opinion, once a girl loses interest in you I think its done forever. She builds up all these thoughts / feeling s towards you that she will not " forget". However, the earlier you disappear, the higher the chance you two may have a chance for reconciliation. But honestly, I think that judging by how things have gone, I wouldn't take her back.

 

Also, never give up something for someone else (such as dropping out of school for her). This isn't benefitically for you in the long run and could actually hurt you more than help you. However, that's water under the bride now. There is a chance for you to build something great in your future. I suggest you try your best to live a good life from this day forward and put your time and energy towards improving yourself.

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If she really want to take me back i will agree to sit down and talk to her about our previous atempt. I dont know if i can trust her again, but everyone deserves a second chance; i deserve it and she deserve it.

i don't know about the bread crumb though.. she has seen my message but have not responded so.. I'm a bit confused but i feel i got some power back, which is good for my depression..

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You said she snapped a photo of her and a random guy and you didn't respond. Does this mean she intentionally sent a photo to you (like by text) of her with some other guy and sent it to you?

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I belive so, she postet on myStory on snapchat just to piss me of or something.. its not like her to do such things.. I'm not a jealous guy btw.

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I don't know what she want. But i believe she want some sort of reaction from me. Since i'm in NC i will not initiate any contact so she wont get that ( i did answer her HNY message though..) . And she didn't follow up :(

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I don't know what she want. But i believe she want some sort of reaction from me. Since i'm in NC i will not initiate any contact so she wont get that ( i did answer her HNY message though..) . And she didn't follow up :(

 

Hi Kimbele. Having been the dumpee (happened around 5 months ago), my advice would be to forget about this message and continue with your no contact from now. Even if you do get a response then it's very unlikely to be the one you are hoping for and will likely just set you back even further. She is probably just checking to see if you will respond and if she still has control over you (or trying to reduce some guilt she is feeling).

 

I'm sorry you're feeling terrible at the moment but believe me it will get better with time (could take a couple of months of NC or longer but you'll get there). You have to try to move forward, as if you don't it will just drag the heartbreak out. The distance you felt between you two suggests that this relationship (for her) was over a long time before you confronted her on it.

 

Try reading post number 9 on the below link, i found it extremely insightful.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide

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Thank you, that was a very good reading. Made me feel better :) I have deleted her from snapchat and instagram. Facebook however is more difficult.. Some progress to trace though :p

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Tough days, really tough. I try to move on but from time to time i catch myself getting these negative thought-spins.. Like, i opened my heart for this girl, and she found out over time that I was not good enough for her.. It's killing me, really. I try to turn my negative thougths to something positive, but i cant especially in the nights.. I do productive things in my everyday-life; Skiing, hanging with friends and family etc..

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Strap up and live through that anxiety. It only shows that in turn she was also

not good for you. I know it will sound stupid but don't take it too personal. It's not

a contest. We are not supposed to be compatible with everyone.

 

And there is various junk out there...

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Ok, so i would like to give a little update and ask what you guys think.

 

I'm over the worst anxiety-part. I'm looking forward in life. So what i did today was i contacted my ex-gf. asking how she was doing. She responded immediately with a long answer about her and what she was doing. we kept the convo for some time before she left chat without saying goodbye or anything. I don't read much into it since i'm "over" her. It was a good conversation and i didn't say anything stupid like talking about the past. What should i do next? i've already broken NC so i've kinda jumped of the edge here and hoping for water underneath, but i'm feeling good :)

Status is that i absolutely want to fix this relationship.

thougths?

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Ok, so i would like to give a little update and ask what you guys think.

 

I'm over the worst anxiety-part. I'm looking forward in life. So what i did today was i contacted my ex-gf. asking how she was doing. She responded immediately with a long answer about her and what she was doing. we kept the convo for some time before she left chat without saying goodbye or anything. I don't read much into it since i'm "over" her. It was a good conversation and i didn't say anything stupid like talking about the past. What should i do next? i've already broken NC so i've kinda jumped of the edge here and hoping for water underneath, but i'm feeling good :)

Status is that i absolutely want to fix this relationship.

thougths?

 

Remember as the dumpee we cant fix the relationship if we never did anything wrong. Its all on her if she wants to fix things, it sucks but thats all we can do is just wait and live life with out them.

 

You say you are over her, and if you are just don't think about if she replies back or not. You shouldn't guidance on what to do next, when all you can do is move on.

 

I want my ex to come back but I cant force her to do anything lol

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