brntt_gal Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Hey guys, I have been a lurker on here ever since I got out of my last relationship and now I've decided to seek advise here. Backstory: Me (27F) and my ex (32M) broke up 4 months ago. We were in a pretty serious relationship (1.5 years) and about to move in together. I was a very good girlfriend to him and din't really do anything to make him dislike me. We had communication problems which led to our BU. We broke up mutually but a few days later I exchanged my mind and texted him to work things out. He resisted, I didn't beg or do anything embarrassing and nothing came from that. After reading about tactics to get an ex back I decided to try the whole "reverse rejection" strategy so I sent him a message agreeing with the decision, wishing him the best, and told him that maybe we could be friends someday. We immediately went to almost NC we only communicated about exchanging our belongings. We were still friends on FB so I would post up pictures of my outings with my friends so I wouldn't seem miserable-although I was. During the time were broken up I worked on myself...a lot. I was in pretty good shape but now I am in phenomenal shape. I run about 30 miles a week. I am about to graduate (I'm am a mechanical engineer), I've changed my hair and my clothes. I am fairly attractive and guys do ask me out constantly. I knew he would come back one day and i wanted to make sure I was doing my best when he did. He seems to have let himself go a little. He used to work-out all the time and he doesn't anymore. Now, it's been 4 months, and he wanted to "catch-up" so we got together and hung out for almost 4 hours. It was really fun. He mentioned that he wants to be friends and continue hanging out. What I am wondering is, how likely is it that he just wants to be friends?? I know it's hard to know his motives but what are your opinions on the matter? Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 You can't be friends with him, not if you still have romantic feelings towards him. Once you get to a point when you look at him and all you feel is indifferent, then fine. A friendship can be had. But, if one day you look at his FB page and there's a pic of him kissing another girl and that would bother you, then you're not there yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brntt_gal Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 I'm still unsure about my feelings towards him..but main question was that in this situation, what are the chances he truly is seeking only a friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Tread very lightly. The whole "friends with exes" is a slippery slope. 2 simple things: Don't get your hopes up and keep things between you and him extremely casual. And don't ever bring up things about the RS. Anything. Ever. If he brings up the RS,then if you want, you can talk about it but only if he mentions it first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brntt_gal Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 yea..that's what I'm planning on doing..just going with the flow and seeing what happens w/o expecting anything. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 It doesn't matter right now what he wants, what do you want? If you want back into a romantic relationship then you should let him know where you stand and be upfront and tell him you can't "just be friends" and if he's up for talking about it then go from there. If you are 100% indifferent and do not see him in that way and have no problem seeing him with another woman, then maybe friends. all depends on you and what YOU WANT. Friends rarely can ever work this soon after a romantic relationship and you never went full NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brntt_gal Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 We did go NC. We only exchanged text messages about exchanging stuff for the first week or so..after that we didn't talk at all..I deleted him from my FB about 2 months ago also. Thanks. I'm still trying to figure out what I want. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 What are YOUR motives? It almost seems like you are lying to yourself, and trying to convince us and even yourself that you aren't "expecting anything" and just "going with the flow". What's YOUR gameplan in all of this? If you two continue hanging out, it'll get to that point where it will turn romantic. And I have a feeling that is exactly what you want. In order to sort out what he wants, I think you need to be honest with yourself, look in the mirror and admit to yourself what exactly is it that you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brntt_gal Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 A part of me wants to work things out but only if things change. The other part feels weird about the fact and I've dated others and I'm sure he has also..Plus I've done the BU and make-up and it has never worked out so I feel uneasy about this working-out if it turns romantic..I think I'm still confused. I didn't think he'd contact me this soon-especially with a friends offer so I have yet to really finalize my feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 To answer your question, most of the time exes come back into our lives it's not because they want to be just our friends. Most of the time. But there is the possibility that they honest to God don't want to get back together they just miss our friendship. I feel that way about my ex. I don't love him anymore and do not desire him in the slightest but sometimes I do miss the friendship we had. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brntt_gal Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 yea I'm actually friends with the guy I dated before this one and feel the same;but it took me time and being with someone else to feel that detachment..since this current ex and I were so close and it's sort of recent I guess I was just looking to how many people felt that his motives might be more than he says..so thank you for your opinion! Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 yea I'm actually friends with the guy I dated before this one and feel the same;but it took me time and being with someone else to feel that detachment..since this current ex and I were so close and it's sort of recent I guess I was just looking to how many people felt that his motives might be more than he says..so thank you for your opinion! You're welcome. No problem. The only way you'll know the answers to your questions for sure is through your ex. If you really are up to it then be a friend. Not a best friend. Not a friend that talks to each other everyday and sees each other often. Be more of an acquaintance. Let him initiate most of the contact, if not all. Keep conversations light and upbeat. Nothing serious or longwinded, for now. And absolutely no sex...of any kind, whatsoever!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author brntt_gal Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 haha yea..I've definitely comitted that mistake in the past to know it's a recipe for disaster..OK I will follow your advise..thank you!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts