How To Deal With This

[legionsunited]

Hello board members, I need your help regarding some issues I'm facing. I know, this is a long wall of text, but your insight will means a lot to me.

 

Met a Girl online on Facebook in 2008,

 

1 - Never met her in real life! (She's really a girl, seen tons of picture! So, No, catfishing)

 

-- She lives in another state (same country), different religion - different culture.

 

Currently, she's been studying in college and living away from family.

 

2 - Confessed she loved me in 2009. I too had feelings for her, but she always plays mind games, play hard to get, constant number of lies she admitted, after I confront her (No cheating, but daily life lies). She loves to see me in Pain over and over again. Keep playing HOT and COLD.

 

I cried a lot and pulled my hair a lot, being disrespected, treated me like a doormat, felt a tons of emotions mostly anger.

 

Never labelled or give a NAME to this relationship!

 

Never said, I love you like normal couples do, DON'T ASK ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT MY LIFE - TILL THIS VERY DAY (28 - 12 - 2014) . No, concern regarding my life or family, but keeps getting jealous whenever I bring another girl.

 

In 2013 - My Dad had an accident and when I told her few months later, she didn't even ask How's he doing or what happened at all?

 

 

3 - Having ON/OFF relationship since 2008 - 2014.

 

4 - From 2013 - Constantly stalk my Twitter - Tweets about me. I check her page out too! She's not added in my facebook and she doesn't have my phone number.

Now, in 2014, I decided to move ON and be a man this year, she constantly email me - like on my B'day in August - I kept conversation cool, she stopped.

 

Few days after , I lost my cool and tweeted some real mean stuff indirectly about her and then I stopped.

 

Summer of 2014 - I constantly tried to tweet my wherabouts - Just to make her realize what she lost and I'm having really good times without her. Now, I have just stopped tweeting altogether from last couple of months.

 

On the other hand, she never tweets or expressed herself, but I came to know, about her friends Instagram and twitter that she's partying and having fun, too all this time, even the times I was miserable and really low!

 

I didn't emailed her on her B'Day in November. She went nuts and then again email me - how she don't wanna lose me. I BLOW her off every time she emailed in 2014, but she keeps coming back!

 

She also sent me facebook friend request in summer of 2014 and also said, she wanted to be my GF. I turned her down

 

 

:Present Scenario -

 

26th December 2014

 

1 - She texted me (as she knows, my email, So, she does know that I would use that for iMessage) 3AM on Christmas night - Merry X-Mas John

 

2 - I replied her, back! I was awake. Her text came from her current number.

 

3 - We talked around 6AM (basically about general stuff and Christmas season) and then I said,

 

Me - I just wanna apologize for un-civil things I said this past year.

 

Her - I never demanded it.

 

Me - Ok, cool.

 

She - Texted me back at 12PM, back as she just woke up and her heads pounding.

 

27Th Decmeber - I tried being funny, which I never did this from past one year, because I had no interest her, not as friend or anything!

 

We exchanged 6 - 7 texts whole day, in which she never ever asked a question and when I just drop a hint.

 

Me - Honey, what would I tell the kids (Pun intended), it's predictive and mundane and she never asked any questions.

 

She - I already know everything, I wanted to know. ( Well, my Grandma died few months ago and all the stuff going on my life, she didn't know that and she never asked for that.

 

Few minutes later.

 

She - I'll learn the things, I don't know, one day!

 

Me - You don't know, half of it, but thanks for saving me some time.

 

Me - Also, my soon to be wife (I'm not dating or having any women in my life right now) will let you on some pretty Rad things.

 

She - I'll talk to her about how to give me poison.

 

She - I missed my family and haven't been to home for like past 1 year.

 

Later at 1AM -

 

Me - I sent her a dirty text (Just to check, If she wants me to put in her friendzone.

 

After That - - - - NO TEXT TILL NOW from her side and I didn't texted her

 

>> All these two days, she haven't asked me a single question, Not even - How are you or What's up? I only asked her few general things, not personal, not to show, that I have any interest.

 

 

Now, I'm feeling messed up! The only thing, I did wrong, was being friendly and human this time, as I was literally rude this past whole year acting like a Mix of Don Draper from Mad Men - Damon Salvatore from TVD - Harvy from The Suits, Vicne for Entourage.

 

I was really very happy with myself, I had gain a lot of confidence and self respect, hitting gym and build a lot self esteem in society and college! I tried and acted like a Man, A true Real Man in my real life! I wasn't dependent on anyone esp any female for any emotional support.

 

Now, I'm 24 years old , and every of my friends are getting engaged and getting married and I'll too in upcoming years. The thing is, we're not 17 anymore, and I'm pretty sure, she will get married or engage before me and me finding out will crush me.

 

The only things is, I have done my part, maintained NC this whole year, never initiated once, being a douche, so she will stop, but SHE DIDN'T.

 

I don't know, what should I do, whenever I feel like, I'm moving ON and doing good with my life, this chick, emails me out of nowhere/blue and my feelings get stirred and I again go back depressed self.

 

I only replied her back this year, just because, I wanted to act COOL, like I don't give a rat's ass. If she contact me, I can also reply her back ( I kept the communication bare - minimum and hit her self esteem and said mean things).

 

All this year, I wanted to have REVENGE from her, just being cool and mess up her mind, but few months ago, I done some soul searching and hating her won't making my life more crappier. So, I let go off her, no revenge - No HATE, simply forgiver her and forgive me and focus all my energy on myself,but she keep coming back and pushing my buttons.

REAL TALK -

 

 

1 - There are days when I feel like missing her, but deep down, I'm exhausted, I don't like her and want to anything with her. She's not worth it or GF or wifey material.

 

A Part of me is so relived and Happy, that she lives in another state and I don't have to deal with her in real life.

 

2 - I can't leave Internet. So, I stop seeing her messages.

 

3 - She email me - I can't change my email. Too much accounts associated with it.

 

Set up a filter and she will make contact from another Email .

 

4 - Can't block her on FB, makes me look weak and even if I do, she can make a new account (done in past and sent me a friend request)

 

5 - Deleted her phone number which I got to know this like 2 days ago.

 

6 - I never INITIATE, No matter what!

 

7 - I don't have any friends. My college just got over. So, I don't have any friends, neither did I have in college, I'm kind of introvert.

 

8 - No dudes of my age living at locality with whom I can be friends.

 

My Fault here

 

Can I be able to GO COLD TURKEY FOREVER?! Sometimes, I listen some song, watch a rom-com movie or see some chick that looks like her. All the feelings come back rushing.

 

So, I'm not ashamed of admitting of my faults, but how can I solve this.

 

 

1 - Sometimes, I feel like, if I don't reply, what if I go back to her in few months (when I get lonely) and then she goes ALL - Now, you want to talk to me, want me back kind of stuff.

 

2 - I read some of her tweets, sometimes she posts about getting married to me and stuff.

 

So, I admit, I keep her and myself in loop

 

If someone can please tell me, how can a human being actually acts like this? Does she treat everybody like this? Don't she feel guilty? How she live with herself?

 

So, please tell me, what should I do, to STOP this girl messing with my head.

 

Just when I know, I'll finally gonna have a Good New Year, she ruined it all.

 

Any/all help will be appreciated!

Edited December 30, 2014 by legionsunited