unforgotten Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Hey. I'm having a bad couple of days and just want to spill some words out, maybe I'll feel better. It's been a little more than 2 months post breakup and I've managed like 27 days NC then we've bumped into each other, just said a few words and then I left. A funny thing happened during this NC period. I actually had a crush or you could say I fell in love with this girl. She totally messed my head and I stopped thinking about my ex. When we bumped into each other I wouldn't even care. Nothing happened between the two two of us though and now when we don't communicate anymore and I don't feel those butterflies anymore my ex crawled back into my mind. It's like this other girl was a rebound for me even though we didn't go out on a date more than once. Funny **** and I wonder how would it have been with her - it probably wouldn't have ended well that's why they say you have to take your time for yourself before jumping into a new relationship. It's like I copied all of my emotions to my ex directly onto her and feel into love with this idea of what could have been because let's be honest, I didn't even know her more than a month and I kind of already imagined my life with her fantasizing about this and that. Well now my ex crawled back into my mind. I remember the moments together and they hurt so much. It's like if I'll think of her it will bring her back but it only makes things worse. I will never understand how she could do this to me and us. We were just there, right before the marriage and having kids, getting jobs and making a live together and then boom. How could she cheat, move on so quickly, forget about all those years and plans for the future?! The feeling that there will never ever be anything between us anymore and it should be so much is devastating. From seeing each other every day to bumping into each other from time to time and barely talk to each other... From lovers and best friends to strangers...Devastating. I'm also dealing with depression so I'm not in a very good place right now. I make myself go out with friends, talk about my problems and it helps but I sound like a broken record and I feel stupid to myself. I try to make bad thoughts go away and make myself think positive but man this is so hard. This healing process is by far the worst thing I have ever experienced. The mood swings, loss of motivation, seeing no point in life, are killing me. Don't get me wrong, I'm doing a hell of a lot better than immediately or first month after the BU when I'd just want to wack myself. That other girl kind of helped and I'm not sure why. Maybe she just helped me to redirect my thoughts and feeling those butterflies and the stupid feeling I couldn't be with her were still better than feeling sorry and guilty for my ex etc. But I'm nowhere close to there yet. There is such a long journey ahead of me and it feels like I make a step forward and two back. I'm glad I deleted my exs number out of the phone because these past days I'm sure I'd contact her and want to meet. And I know she'd agree to but that wouldn't do me any good because if we did I'd just go asking her if we can make things right and bla bla bla. That was a smart move I recommend you to make as well. I feel like I must be alone and not date for a while. When I think of myself being with someone else it makes me sick and scared and just plain awful. My ex is still there to haunt me. I don't know if these feelings I have for her will ever go away. I don't know if I'll ever find someone I'll be so attracted to again and love so much again. Link to post Share on other sites
bnx Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Be careful about using somebody else as a rebound. You don't want to inflict your hurt on anybody else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 You should stick to no contact as if your life depends on it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bnx Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 You should stick to no contact as if your life depends on it. Exactly, Satu. You're spot on. The regret you have after breaking it can be intense. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lunara Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 I actually just went through a break-up today. I loved him very much, but things were just never going to work between us. I could use someone to talk to right now as well, so if you'd like to chat let me know. Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Exactly, Satu. You're spot on. The regret you have after breaking it can be intense. totally agree with you mate I just wish I had kept my head down and done nothing all it does is start it all over again and you spiral back in to the exact same place that you started in Link to post Share on other sites
bnx Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 I actually just went through a break-up today. I loved him very much, but things were just never going to work between us. I could use someone to talk to right now as well, so if you'd like to chat let me know. I'm always here for you as well. I'm here for anybody who might need it. I'm finally climbing out of the dark clouds and want to help others do the same. It does get better!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lunara Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 I'm always here for you as well. I'm here for anybody who might need it. I'm finally climbing out of the dark clouds and want to help others do the same. It does get better!! Thank you. Even though I'm just very recently going through this break-up, I also want to help anyone as much as I can because we can all relate. Like I said, if any of you would like to chat, please let me know. I could use it as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author unforgotten Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 Yes, now that I look more clearly that girl would probably be a rebound. Thank god I didn't have anything with her. My intentions were not to hurt her but man I'm 100% positive me falling for her is all my exs fault and the consequence of this post BU drama. There's such a huge mix of emotions inside of me I must get in order if I want to live normally ever again. I didn't know what a rebound would look like but now I think I know exactly how and it would probably end bad and put me even in a worse mood when things would end. I'm sticking to the NC but this depression I feel is awful. I don't enjoy doing things, I have mood swings, my mind drifts to my ex. I can't see myself with anyone else... Before the days were so short for me, I had a vision, goals, things I wanted to do and I always said the days should have at least 48h so I could do more. Now I find them so long and wish things would just simply end. I don't enjoy life at all, I'm fighting day to day. Link to post Share on other sites
annaballerina Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 im so sorry youre struggling. i can totally relate. i keep telling myself its a normal thing to jave to grieve the end of a relationship whether it was a good or bad one is irrelevant you still loved that person. is it worth staying together so you dont have to face the pain of lonliness...no!!! its not worth it youre earning your way to a better life now and sometimes with it comes pain. facing that pain headon feeling it and coming out knowing youre ok is the most freeing feeling. im still struggling and i have waves of grief and panic. i was involved with a covert narcissist so it really messed with my mind. they were dear to me but i woke up and realized it wasnt a reason to stay in the abusive because i loved them. sometimes love isnt enough. letting go is a hard pill to swallow. whats been helping me is u tube vids on coping and i found myself a shaman/counselor that specializes in what ive been thru. just google and you can find a counselor that can help via skype/phone etc. you also have to remember that when youre breaking up youre also dealing with chemicals in the brain oxytocins that change so in a lot of ways break ups are like breaking a drug addiction. you will go thru withdrawals but its normal. pain is normal. feel the pain breath thru it and face your fears that way youll be truely free to live your life happily hugs Link to post Share on other sites
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