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no communication time period during break


slightly_unusual

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slightly_unusual

i told my girlfriend today that i needed some space and time to think and that i would not be spending new years with her

 

i do not know for certain if i want to split , in fact i think i do not want to split , i might open another thread about what triggered this whole break but for now id just like to know

 

during a break , is any form of communication advised , is their a minimum period of time where no communication of any kind happens ?

 

i know their are no absolutes but what is typical ?

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Seems to me like you want your cake and to eat it too.

 

Either be with her or let her go, do not string her along

while you are hoping something better comes along.

 

Unless you were cheated or she did some other major

offense I have no respect for your actions.

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Last time one of my exes "Need some time to think things through" she was cheating on me. I told her "of course take all the time in the world, I won't be here though". Packed my things and left, her jaw hit the floor told everyone I was hasty and didn't give her a chance. Yes because cheating is a desirable trait in someone...

 

Anyway OP what is the reason for this "limbo" if she did something horrible like cheating you need to dump her, have some self respect. Other way around let her go it's not fair.

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slightly_unusual

she shocked me in the past week by her reaction to something i told her about

 

i told her i needed space to think , i have not spoken to her in twenty four hours

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sober and dry

For me there are no such thing as a break, even tough I did accepted that 2 times in my life and regret it.

You either are with someone and resolve the issues or you let them go and move on.

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slightly_unusual

thanks for the replies , i phoned my girlfriend yesterday evening and we met for five hours today and resolved our issues , we are back on track and in love , i never stopped loving her , i just needed to think about something , she had a very peculiar reaction to something i told her seven days ago and it shook me up , she thought i wanted to break up with her and that " space " was code for breaking up

 

i did not want her to suffer , she still wants to be with me and i with her

 

 

i see little point in starting a thread about what prompted the crisis in the firstplace , its fair to say it was a combination of misunderstandings and not having made clear some important things before now , we are together a year and really should have had more heavy chats , today everything was discussed and it feels healthier

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If she hurt your feelings, which is what it seems like happened, you are entitled to a cooling off period. While I don't believe in breaks because I think two people have to work together to solve whatever the problem is to take a day or so to calm down so you don't say something you will regret is OK.

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slightly_unusual
So what was the point ? You dumped her to provoke a reaction?

 

i never at any staged dumped her , you appear to have made up your mind however

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I think most people here react like this as a break is much like getting the silent treatment, especially when you did not get a time-frame. Both are - perhaps unconsciously - a major powertrip for the one performing it, as it often leaves the other in the dark. I do not know if you ever had this done to you? It feels like being put on the naugthy step: 'when I return I will ask you if you already know what you did wrong!'

 

You are vague because of the reasons I therefore agree with what d0nnivain said.

Edited by Itspointless
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i never at any staged dumped her , you appear to have made up your mind however

 

Break = breakup.

 

You are willingly submitting your relationship to a possibility

that your partner will make a decision not to pursue a relationship with

you any longer .

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slightly_unusual
I think most people here react like this as a break is much like getting the silent treatment, especially when you did not get a time-frame. Both are - perhaps unconsciously - a major powertrip for the one performing it, as it often leaves the other in the dark. I do not know if you ever had this done to you? It feels like being put on the naugthy step: 'when I return I will ask you if you already know what you did wrong!'

 

You are vague because of the reasons I therefore agree with what d0nnivain said.

 

my girlfriend went into a twenty four hour sulk eight days ago upon discovering that i had made a business decision without telling her , we do not love together and she herself did not invest anything in this venture

 

it took a few days of serious reflection for us both to realise that we were both wrong , in my own case , i should have foreseen that she might think i was breaking up with her but i was upset and i cannot control other peoples minds even that means they fear the worst

 

i never told her i was thinking of ending it , im pretty literal , i said i needed space , space was not code for anything else

 

we are good again , we have had a wonderful 2014 and i hope 2015 is even better

 

close thread mods

 

 

thanks

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slightly_unusual
Break = breakup.

 

You are willingly submitting your relationship to a possibility

that your partner will make a decision not to pursue a relationship with

you any longer .

 

i said i needed space to think , i didnt say i needed a break , i thought the break ( in communication ) might extend to several days at one stage , i was very taken aback by her reaction which appeared to express a desire to control parts of my life which i view as mine , i made this clear to her yesterday and she appreciates that i insist on financial independence and will do regardless of how close our relationship grows in the future

Edited by slightly_unusual
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