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Ex rubbing rebound in my face? (Updated)


HeBrokeMyHeart

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HeBrokeMyHeart

Okay so he told me himself he was seeing someone a week after we split the last time from our on/off period. We was arguing & I said some hurtful things (which I regret) and he turned around and said well the girl I'm seeing doesn't seem to think so. He then rubbed in my face how she was perfect & they had an amazing connection. But still went on to say he missed me & hasn't replaced me.

 

Since then he's been posting things all over social media rubbing there relationship in my face. Now I've know him for 4 years, been with him a year and a half and I know for a fact that it's all an act. It's so out of character for him.

 

Firstly he doesn't publicise his life on social media especially his love life.

 

Secondly he's emotionally damaged & would never rush into a relationship.

 

Now we've been in NC for a month, he had stopped with the flaunting for about a week and a half, but as soon as I post about some happy news in my life he starts it back up again. Why? Why is he doing this! And why is he forcing his relationship down my throat why I choke on it? He ended it with me, I could understand a little bit if he was the dumpee but he isnt.

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Remove from social media. You're doing it to yourself if you're still connected.

 

 

If he had called you, you'd be letting him to by answering.

 

 

See how powerful it is to own your responsibilities?

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Why? Why is he doing this! And why is he forcing his relationship down my throat why I choke on it?

 

Why are you subjecting yourself to his new relationship on social media? You're not required to be his friend on FB, Twitter, Instagram, or whatever else is out there these days. No one is required to have a front row seat to an ex's new relationship. In fact, it sounds like an awful idea to me. Block him on all forms of social media. Problem solved.

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HeBrokeMyHeart
Why are you subjecting yourself to his new relationship on social media? You're not required to be his friend on FB, Twitter, Instagram, or whatever else is out there these days. No one is required to have a front row seat to an ex's new relationship. In fact, it sounds like an awful idea to me. Block him on all forms of social media. Problem solved.

I understand greatly about that & he is blocked. I just want to know why he is doing it for? I get told by friends of ours & because off it I can't help but check for myself. It's like saying to someone don't touch that it's wet. And you have to touch it to check.

 

It's been a month and I am sooo much better then I was a couple weeks ago. Tonight he posted about his date with 'special one' and how it finished a perfect weekend for him. (Something he's never done) I cried for about 5 mins before picking myself up and getting on with my life. Where as before id most probably spend hours crying & shutting everyone out.

 

I just want to know what is his deal with it all?? I guess understanding why makes it a lot easier to deal with?

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I understand greatly about that & he is blocked. I just want to know why he is doing it for? I get told by friends of ours & because off it I can't help but check for myself. It's like saying to someone don't touch that it's wet. And you have to touch it to check.

 

It's been a month and I am sooo much better then I was a couple weeks ago. Tonight he posted about his date with 'special one' and how it finished a perfect weekend for him. (Something he's never done) I cried for about 5 mins before picking myself up and getting on with my life. Where as before id most probably spend hours crying & shutting everyone out.

 

I just want to know what is his deal with it all?? I guess understanding why makes it a lot easier to deal with?

 

We can speculate, but we will never know for sure. There could be several reasons. Maybe he is just an arse and knows you will see all of this. Maybe he's super in love and wants the world to know. I think the most likely reason is that he doesn't consider you at all when he posts stuff to social media. He just doesn't care. I know that is really difficult to hear and accept, but it's likely the closest to the truth that we can get.

 

I feel for you though. Breakups are bad enough, but it's a special kind of hurt to know that your ex is happily living it up. That sucks bad, no getting around it. Then again, it's also pretty sh$tty to be left for an ex to be single. The best advice I can offer is to stop wondering WHY. It's a waste of time and puts your focus on him.

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I'mNotYourGirl

My opinion is that he is hurting and want you to be hurt too. He doesn't love that new girl. He just wants to show you what you have lost and how desirable he is. His behaviour is kinda immature and silly, so i think you should delete him from all social media. Don't watch what he is posting or what he is doing.Ignore totally. Act like he doesn't exist anymore. I think he won't stand it and finally will broke no contact and talk to you first.

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My opinion is that he is hurting and want you to be hurt too. He doesn't love that new girl. He just wants to show you what you have lost and how desirable he is. His behaviour is kinda immature and silly' date=' so i think you should delete him from all social media. Don't watch what he is posting or what he is doing.Ignore totally. Act like he doesn't exist anymore. I think he won't stand it and finally will broke no contact and talk to you first.[/quote']

 

How do we even know that her ex knows she is following him on social media? I don't think that most dumpers care about hurting an ex on social media. I would think that would be the behavior of a dumpee.

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How do we even know that her ex knows she is following him on social media? I don't think that most dumpers care about hurting an ex on social media. I would think that would be the behavior of a dumpee.

Depending on the break-up, often if it is nasty or less than amicable, I think dumpers can be and are VERY aware of what they are posting on social media and know how it will potentially affect the dumpee. This shows the dumpers true colors and definitely give an indication of their maturity level/vindictiveness. Before I blocked my ex on FB she made a lot of low blows that were definitely directed at me with hopes I would see it and become upset. This illustrates exactly why it is so important to block all forms of social media, whether their intent is malicious or not.

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I was called up, threatened with police action and told how amazing the guy she cheated on me with was.

 

 

I had moved out and not initiated any contact at that point...

 

 

Some people have deep seeded psychological damage that we disregard until objectivity is staring us in the face.

 

 

All you can do is work on yourself.

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And why is he forcing his relationship down my throat why I choke on it?

 

I don't think he's been forcing anything down your throat since the break up

 

You could easily remove him from social media.

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I just want to know what is his deal with it all?? I guess understanding why makes it a lot easier to deal with?

 

 

 

He sounds very passive-aggressive. I think he may be intentional trying to dig at you for whatever reason. Maybe he is mad at you. Maybe he is holding a grudge against you. Maybe he has a sense of low self-esteem and his "responses" to your happy posts make him feel better about himself.

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HeBrokeMyHeart
Depending on the break-up, often if it is nasty or less than amicable, I think dumpers can be and are VERY aware of what they are posting on social media and know how it will potentially affect the dumpee. This shows the dumpers true colors and definitely give an indication of their maturity level/vindictiveness. Before I blocked my ex on FB she made a lot of low blows that were definitely directed at me with hopes I would see it and become upset. This illustrates exactly why it is so important to block all forms of social media, whether their intent is malicious or not.

He knows that I do occasionally check his social media as the first time we split he writ things on twitter that always hinted at something. Back then I was a lot less emotionally stable & fell for his bait giving him a reaction. It ended in an argument & a couple days later he apologised for his behaviour.

 

 

But now he's back at it again & a 100x worse. I also know he checks my social media too.

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I know you won't accept this - I know I wouldn't when I was in pain this time last year.

 

He is not doing anything for you. He does not have any power over your life. Heck, he's

no longer a part of it.

 

Stop stalking him on social media and start doing proper nc and moving on with

As much introspection as possible.

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He knows that I do occasionally check his social media as the first time we split he writ things on twitter that always hinted at something. Back then I was a lot less emotionally stable & fell for his bait giving him a reaction. It ended in an argument & a couple days later he apologised for his behaviour.

 

 

But now he's back at it again & a 100x worse. I also know he checks my social media too.

 

What a good thing it is that you and this guy are over. I know you're hurting too much to see that, but hopefully in time how bad involvement with a person like this is for you. I'm not saying he's a bad person (so much as an immature one), but it's very clear that you and he have an extremely negative dynamic. Dynamics like that don't change. They don't get better. In fact the more opportunities you allow a person like that to hurt you, the worse the dynamic gets. The false hope that things could get better or that you did something wrong is what tends to keep you hooked in.

 

Once you can accept that the two of you just do not bring out the best in eachother and never will, it'll be a lot less easy to stop trying to analyse his behaviour and just walk away from it. I hope it's not too much longer before you get there.

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I understand greatly about that & he is blocked. I just want to know why he is doing it for? I get told by friends of ours & because off it I can't help but check for myself. It's like saying to someone don't touch that it's wet. And you have to touch it to check.

 

It's been a month and I am sooo much better then I was a couple weeks ago. Tonight he posted about his date with 'special one' and how it finished a perfect weekend for him. (Something he's never done) I cried for about 5 mins before picking myself up and getting on with my life. Where as before id most probably spend hours crying & shutting everyone out.

 

I just want to know what is his deal with it all?? I guess understanding why makes it a lot easier to deal with?

 

Sounds like the dynamic of the relationship was very up and down/on-off and who dumped who in that situation isn't really an issue - both parties are hot and cold with their emotions. He's probably still conflicted and trying, consciously or unconsciously, to prove to himself, and possibly you, that he's over things when he's not. And you're not entirely over things either. This kind of dynamic can go on forever but never 'improve'. Best thing is to completely focus on yourself, resist all urges to check on him through social media, don't ask for updates on him from friends (tell them not to mention him if necessary) and really work at detaching. You're just continuing the pain a fraught relationship when the relationship doesn't actually exist anymore ... a lose-lose situation. Hope you can really move on and feel much better soon.

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When they feel the need to engage you to talk about their new love it's a huge indicator of their immaturity and attempts to run from their pain.

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i kinda wonder the SAME thing, my ex literally started talking to his new girl that next day after we broke up and he told me to my face that this girl didn't mean anything she was a girl that he would talk to about when we fought. and now 3 weeks after we broke up they are all over Facebook saying they are in love and my ex was never the kind of guy to do that crap. i was the one that would have to make him like a photo or comment. and i just found out that my ex is now trying to move in with his rebound, so i just don't understand why people do these things. i know deep down its not going to work. but idk if they are trying so hard to mask the issue that they would rather fake that nothing happen and prove to the world that they are fine. a friend of mine always told me this. everything looks good on paper.

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This kind of fascinates me. Of course the obvious advice here is to stopping checking his profile and politely ask friends and relatives to not mention the guy. That's what I did and it works - most of the time.

 

However, sometimes I hear things through the grapevine that really boggles my mind. Yes, I know that some people will say that there's nothing to understand and that thinking about these things is only waste of time. But it's in my nature to try to understand things.

 

After 6 years, my ex' main reason for breaking up was that I ...sighed when she asked if she could borrow a USB cable :rolleyes:. And she wanted to hang out all the time, so we can exclude the possibility that she actually hated me. :)

 

I suspected that there was another guy in the picture. And of course she lied. I was pretty convinced that would try to hide the new relationship as long as possible. But I couldn't have been more wrong.

 

Thankfully, I've done a good job avoiding her, so I haven't seen a single picture of her and my replacement. But here are some things other people have told:

 

- Immediately after the breakup, she changed her Facebook settings so that all updates would be PUBLIC. Basically, she would get really angry if I accused her of leaving me for someone else, but yet she didn't hesitate to let the whole world know this. Why did she bother lying to me, when it was quite obvious that she wanted me to be able to see her profile?

 

- Apparently she's obsessed with showing the world that she was the one who left me. Why on earth would a cheater want people to know this?

 

- Even though I blocked her, old comments made by me on her pictures can still be seen by ...well, now...the public. People have asked me if we are together again, because why would I otherwise comment on how beautiful she is?

 

So yeah, I really want to understand this behavior. Sometimes poeple grow a part, but why hurt someone more than necessary? I haven't responded to any of her messages. She wanted me out of her life and she got what she wished for. So why the hell does she try so hard to humilate and hurt me?

 

Obviously this is quite common. Come on, there must be some dumper out there who can explain. Can you really escape the feeling of guilt by becoming a bully?

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HeBrokeMyHeart
This kind of fascinates me. Of course the obvious advice here is to stopping checking his profile and politely ask friends and relatives to not mention the guy. That's what I did and it works - most of the time.

 

However, sometimes I hear things through the grapevine that really boggles my mind. Yes, I know that some people will say that there's nothing to understand and that thinking about these things is only waste of time. But it's in my nature to try to understand things.

 

After 6 years, my ex' main reason for breaking up was that I ...sighed when she asked if she could borrow a USB cable :rolleyes:. And she wanted to hang out all the time, so we can exclude the possibility that she actually hated me. :)

 

I suspected that there was another guy in the picture. And of course she lied. I was pretty convinced that would try to hide the new relationship as long as possible. But I couldn't have been more wrong.

 

Thankfully, I've done a good job avoiding her, so I haven't seen a single picture of her and my replacement. But here are some things other people have told:

 

- Immediately after the breakup, she changed her Facebook settings so that all updates would be PUBLIC. Basically, she would get really angry if I accused her of leaving me for someone else, but yet she didn't hesitate to let the whole world know this. Why did she bother lying to me, when it was quite obvious that she wanted me to be able to see her profile?

 

- Apparently she's obsessed with showing the world that she was the one who left me. Why on earth would a cheater want people to know this?

 

- Even though I blocked her, old comments made by me on her pictures can still be seen by ...well, now...the public. People have asked me if we are together again, because why would I otherwise comment on how beautiful she is?

 

So yeah, I really want to understand this behavior. Sometimes poeple grow a part, but why hurt someone more than necessary? I haven't responded to any of her messages. She wanted me out of her life and she got what she wished for. So why the hell does she try so hard to humilate and hurt me?

 

Obviously this is quite common. Come on, there must be some dumper out there who can explain. Can you really escape the feeling of guilt by becoming a bully?

I've done a lot of reading on it & my ex shows all the signs of going into a rebound relationship.

 

The moving too fast.

Acting out of character.

Saying he loves her after 2 weeks of knowing her.

Rubbing it in my face.

 

Okay I understand the concept of a rebound relationship but why do the dumpers have them?

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Okay I understand the concept of a rebound relationship but why do the dumpers have them?

 

Maybe it's like this:

 

1. They are unhappy, but they don't know why. They get more and more frustrated, because things aren't getting better. There must be a reason! But they can't replace their parents and they need their job. But there is one MAJOR change they can do: Get rid of us!

 

2. So they dump us, but feel terrible. Not only do they feel lonely, because they used us to fill a void in their lives, but they also feel a massive amount of guilt. They need to focus on something else, so they start dating new people.

 

3. The initial spark of dating new people makes them feel alive again. It's exciting, it's fun and they suddenly have a lot of energy. In their minds, this proves that they made the right decision. They suddenly got enough of our crap and met new partners who treated them like they deserved to be treated. If anything, they should be admired for leaving such a situation. They shouldn't feel bad for leaving someone who made them feel depressed, right? So they want to show all the critics how much happier they are now and that they have nothing to be ashamed of.

 

***

 

Maybe there comes a day when these people realise that we weren't the source of their depression. They just couldn't face the reality and accept that the sparks always eventually fades. They got obsessed with chasing a dream instead of cherishing what they got, which make them seem rather narcissistic.

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HeBrokeMyHeart
Maybe it's like this:

 

1. They are unhappy, but they don't know why. They get more and more frustrated, because things aren't getting better. There must be a reason! But they can't replace their parents and they need their job. But there is one MAJOR change they can do: Get rid of us!

 

2. So they dump us, but feel terrible. Not only do they feel lonely, because they used us to fill a void in their lives, but they also feel a massive amount of guilt. They need to focus on something else, so they start dating new people.

 

3. The initial spark of dating new people makes them feel alive again. It's exciting, it's fun and they suddenly have a lot of energy. In their minds, this proves that they made the right decision. They suddenly got enough of our crap and met new partners who treated them like they deserved to be treated. If anything, they should be admired for leaving such a situation. They shouldn't feel bad for leaving someone who made them feel depressed, right? So they want to show all the critics how much happier they are now and that they have nothing to be ashamed of.

 

***

 

Maybe there comes a day when these people realise that we weren't the source of their depression. They just couldn't face the reality and accept that the sparks always eventually fades. They got obsessed with chasing a dream instead of cherishing what they got, which make them seem rather narcissistic.

See the reason I know this whole relationship is fake because he's such an insecure guy. He wouldn't rush it because he's scared of getting hurt. He pushed me away when he started becoming emotionally invested deeply in our relationship. We argued once before he ended it the first time as things before were the best they had ever been, so I know he hadn't been planning it. He is always so indecisive about his decision & the chemistry & connection never died with us. I would eventually like to reconnect with him but I also know that it may not happen. Our relationship ended on bad, bad terms obviously. I just don't know how to go about it, I don't want to interfere with his new relationship "however fake" I also want to give us space, to let our emotions calm & be able to take some time to reflect. How long would you wait,

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HeBrokeMyHeart

Okay so I first want to say, I know what most people will say 'an ex is a ex for a reason' 'move on' ect. I get that all and I've thought long and hard about it all. I also believe that every relationship & person is different. I have initiated NC for a month now & still am going, in this time I have grown as a person, reflected on the relationship and am a lot more wiser. I have dated & actually hooked up with someone else. So I am moving on & do know there is a chance that getting back together may not be an option. I have been thinking lately & I do miss my ex, I think I will always care & love him but I do want to try again. (He dumped me).

 

A little back ground information: I've known him for 4 years, I met him when I first started my job, we worked together and I worked with his family and him mine vice versa. I was 16 when I started & he was 23. We grew very close to each other, after a year of knowing him his girlfriend (who was his first love) cheated on him. Due to health reasons he nearly died & he lost complete control of his life. I helped him through it & we grew closer.

 

Three years go by & we start seeing each other. This lasted for a year and a half before he initiated the split. Things had just started getting so good, so it confused me I know we had an argument as in that last week he started pulling away, but it confused me. After some reflection I realise it was at this point he began investing his feelings a lot more towards me, I think he actually began to fall in love with me. Because 4 days after the split he contacts me & tries to fix things, he missed me & wanted me back. During our talk he opened up and told me that he was just scared of getting hurt again, that I'm the first girl in a really long time he actually genuinely likes & that he pushes me away because of it.

 

We get back together but it was too soon, our emotions were still high & we were both insecure about it going wrong. We had another argument & it ended. We was like that for 2 months. On/off. Till our last break a month ago.

 

A week after the split he entered into a rebound relationship, which is completely fake. He does all the things someone in a rebound would do, including rubbing it in my face. His friends have also been in contact with me. Thing is after a month he still hasn't unblocked me or spoke to me (longest it's ever been).

 

I now realise how insecure he really is & I know where are relationship went wrong. I accept my mistakes & have learned from them. But how do I try reconnecting? When we last spoke he told me he still missed me but it was just better if we didn't speak anymore because of the what ifs. He also told me he hadn't replaced me.

 

From my p.o.v & me knowing him it seems to me that he's had a hard time with the break up, he's still unsure if he made the right decision but is still pursuing this rebound relationship in the hopes of moving on & not coming back to me (he was always to one to reconnect). I know some of you will say that well if you tried & failed before surely it's a lost cause? I also thought that at first, but then I started getting myself back together & realised the emotional mess we both were, we always were on/off a week or two. It never gave us both a chance to clear our heads & reflect/get ourselves together.

 

So can anyone give me any advice on how to reconnect? And positive stories of they're own? If anyone thinks I still have a chance? It would be much appreciated.

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1 month of NC is not enough time to look at the situation outside of your deep emotions or too have solid control of them when you look back at it. Its going to be hard to kick like a heroin addiction but give it more time and see how you feel

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You can't reconnect. You know he's insecure. You are both young. This thing has run it's course. Let it go.

 

I reconnected with an EX once. We make it another month & it stunk.

 

Think of it like this. Take a dish & throw it on the floor so it breaks. Glue the pieces back together. Is it the same? Of course not? Is it better? heck no.

 

That plate is your relationship.

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