6 months later

[pbsurf]

I've typed out this post a couple of times and erased it. As I type it out, I see the reality.

 

 

So WHY can't I move on? Its been three months since we saw each other, six since I dumped her. She was just untrustworthy. In hindsight, she committed minor "sins", but several over a few months. Such a gray area, because it makes me think I was too harsh in dumping her. But were they minor? Does it even matter?

 

 

I think about her every day. She had texted me like clockwork every two weeks, despite my telling her to stop. I actually pissed her off enough at one point that she did go away, only I texted her 10 days later because I missed her f-ing texts...

 

 

And now, the holidays. Ugh.

 

 

I will be a mile from her place at a party on Thursday. I need strength. I need someone to tell me that what she did was not acceptable. Or some other magic formula to help me move on.

 

 

That is, if I want to move on. every time I think about that, I am sad And I don't think that I'll ever really meet someone like her. I know, I know, but I'm 48, and she was super fun, beautiful, and we did connect.

 

 

We were only really together for 10 months... the crazy think is that I'm MUCH better today - I was a complete mess for two months...

 

 

Anyway, I guess I'm just venting.

[SoThatHappened]

Care to elaborate on what caused the breakup?

 

You're at an age where most of the immature, naive incidents aren't the cause. What were her "sins"?

[Halcyon]

So what was the reason for the breakup? Why is she untrustworthy? If she is why would you want to be with someone like that anyway?

 

Are you just refusing to let go of the anger and bile? That is not healthy, it's ok to be upset for a time but after a while it festers.

[pbsurf]

ok, in a nutshell

 

 

i'm 48 divorced with kids she's 44 nev

er been married. We live an hour away from each other. dated 10 months but very good connection for both of us.

 

 

She is very, very social, good looking and hangs out with men and women. Very flirty. I was ok with this early on, but started to get more insecure later.

 

 

What I know. She went on a few dates while we were exclusive. She made out with a good friend in the back of a cab about 7 months in. I snooped at that point bc my spidey sense was tingling. I know, I know. At that point I think trust was gone... All the while the same time she was textng a 27 yo guy - just "innocent' until he started sending pix (shirtless - the guy looks like a f-ing model.) They met up socially.

 

 

Again, this is what I know, of course my mind flll in the blanks.

 

 

She was very upset that I broke up with her but not enough to ask me to get together again. She has moved on dating but has apparently been disappointed. We had a good thing. Not sure it would have been forever

 

 

and yet - I miss her A lot

 

 

And I don't think my anger is that bad - more hurt and sad.

 

 

I feel like if I was justified in dumping based just on the "Facts" then maybe I can move on... Thoughts?

Edited December 17, 2014 by pbsurf

[Light Breeze]

Well, I think you did the right thing. Cheating is a deal breaker to me.

 

Anyway, she looks like she wasn't as invested with the relationship as you were that's why you're sad and hurt.

 

Just accept it's over and done with and believe YOU can do BETTER. Heal and gou out and meet other people.

 

Stay strong brother.

[Halcyon]

I might be a lot younger than you only 27 however I have been cheated on and the only thing I can recommend is let the anger go. You just have to, it's like poison I know how painful it is what she did and it's unforgivable and you did the right thing breaking up with her.

 

You are better of without her. Honestly you are and you will learn to trust again but you need to get past the anger stage. Anyone who cheats on you isn't worth a moment of your time, because they don't respect or care about you.

[SoThatHappened]

- she's 44 never been married.

- Very flirty.

- She went on a few dates while we were exclusive.

- She made out with a good friend in the back of a cab about 7 months in.

- the same time she was textng a 27 yo guy

She sounds like a cereal dater/cheater. There's likely a good reason she's never been married in the 2 decades she could have been married.

 

Run. She sounds like a succubus.

[pbsurf]

Thanks guys.

 

She had stayed in touch after with miss you texts. I kept my cool but didn't ignore. Then we bumped into each other and hooked up /s'x 3 months later. More LC since then. She really wanted me to believe that she was good. Bdidnt sleep w anyone. Downplayed the two incidents. "Only made out for a minute " etc. texting was silly but not cheating in her mind.

 

Thing is. My ex wife left me for my best friend and she knew this

 

I'm totally confused about what cheating and monogamy is all about now. I'm sort of convinced that her behavior is acceptable. Or that we could have gotten past it. Am I nuts? I believe she didn't sleep w anyone else but was convinced she was going to at done point.

[Light Breeze]

Sex is not the only way to cheat IMO. Look up emotional cheating.

 

Besides would you really want someone you are exclusively dating making out with friends? Going on casual dates? Receiving shirtless pics from 27 yo model lookalikes? I know I won't..

Edited December 17, 2014 by Light Breeze

[lil hoodlum]

Sex is not the only way to cheat IMO. Look up emotional cheating.

 

Besides would you really want someone you are exclusively dating making out with friends? Going on casual dates? Receiving shirtless pics from 27 yo model lookalikes? I know I won't..

 

 

 

 

The truth!

[Satu]

 

I'm totally confused about what cheating and monogamy is all about now. I'm sort of convinced that her behavior is acceptable. Or that we could have gotten past it. Am I nuts? I believe she didn't sleep w anyone else but was convinced she was going to at done point.

 

Her behaviour isn't acceptable, because its caused you pain and suffering. How could that ever be acceptable?

[lolablue17]

You're not 21 and you know how complicated life is. I'll tell what i might consider doing if i were you:

 

I'd call her and ask her to meet for a serious talk. (If she refuses so there is nothing you can do anymore) In this talk i'd say to her only the truth. That you miss her and you wish that you and her can be back together. You just know that you can't handle these "little things" as she called them. You can't handle "1 minute making out". You can't handle her texting with other guys" and this stuff.

 

tell her that you both had space to think when you've been apart. You know that you miss her and want her. You know She had few dates and probably didn't find what she's looking for. SO... after that separation experience, does she think that it worth to lose you and ruin something so good for texting with guys, or making out with guys? Is texting more important than love and life with a man you want?

 

Her answer can be yes or no, but i think if she wants you back on those terms, there's a better chance she will keep and honor those terms in the future, after she experienced the pain and consequences of her previous behavior.