deni9 Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 My boyfriend and I are hitting rock bottom right now, we both have endure many mistakes, many hurts, many struggles together, and I guess all of it is adding up and now becoming an issue. Im so stressful to the point my body is reacting to it. I cry a lot from being so stressed out. I already have depression so having this add on is not going too well on my side. I love him so much, I really do, but man.......its hard to fight for something you want when all we do is argue He wants me to just listen to him and do what he says.... He wants to take the lead. I cant go to the gym, cant take any classes of boxing or self defense, nor can I have friends that have guy friends. He is so insecure and he blames me for it... guess please help me to move on, its so hard, weve been together for 5 years....and its hard to walk away. please give me words of encouragement I have no friends.......you are all I got. thank you Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 As a guy who left a situation that was similar for a different reason and realized how much stuff I let slide I empathize with you. First get professional help, develop a plan for leaving and then be clear and specific as to why then go somewhere safe and go no contact. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Sweetheart, he may be insecure, but he's a controlling bully, and it will never get better, it will get much, much worse. He bullies you into submission, because you let him. Ostensibly, because you love him, but I detect a great deal of fear, and of course, you admit to grief and depression. You need to get out, and as soon as you can. he is being abusive. You see it as insecurity, but believe me, he feeds on your strength, saps you and is becoming dominant. Please, leave. Leave as soon as the time permits. Go to someone you know and love, a member of your family, the police - anyone! And start the ball rolling. If you let this go on, it will get to the point when you will even avoid eye contact with your own reflection. This is how Domestic Abuse begins. Leave. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 (edited) That's basically how my last RS was for 2 years. You need to move on. Believe me, I know how hard it is and how you just don't want to let go of someone that means so much to you but when we don't mean as much to them as they do to us then it's time to let go. My ex and I fought a lot too. We were just too much alike but so different at the same time. It was impossible to understand. Also, my bf was very insecure and controlling but the reason why he didn't like me hanging around other guys or going out without him was because he was guilty of doing things behind my back so that's why he was insecure about me going out. It's a classic story. Good luck to you! I hope you fly away and get your freedom back like myself and many others on here have. It's good that you came here for advice. We're here for you! Edited December 16, 2014 by me85 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Yes it may seem like a huge loss if you let this relationship go but in reality it will be a huge gain. You will get your freedom back. You will be able to go to the gym. You will be able to make friends. Your stress levels will actually go down! Do yourself a favor, let go of him. He's weighing you down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 He wants me to just listen to him and do what he says.... He wants to take the lead. I cant go to the gym, cant take any classes of boxing or self defense, nor can I have friends that have guy friends. He is so insecure and he blames me for it... This sounds incredibly unhealthy, and not anything resembling how a mature relationship should work. I would suggest bailing for good and not contacting him again, but if you really want to make it work serious counseling for both of you individually and as a couple to get past his need to control you, his self esteem issues, and your seeming need to please him when he appears to be such a bully. You deserve to be able to make up your own mind about who your friends are, what kind of classes you take, whether you go to the gym, etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 I was with a guy like that once and when I dropped him, I felt so free! Lose him or lose yourself? You choose! x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Sweetheart, he may be insecure, but he's a controlling bully, and it will never get better, it will get much, much worse. He bullies you into submission, because you let him. Ostensibly, because you love him, but I detect a great deal of fear, and of course, you admit to grief and depression. You need to get out, and as soon as you can. he is being abusive. You see it as insecurity, but believe me, he feeds on your strength, saps you and is becoming dominant. Please, leave. Leave as soon as the time permits. Go to someone you know and love, a member of your family, the police - anyone! And start the ball rolling. If you let this go on, it will get to the point when you will even avoid eye contact with your own reflection. This is how Domestic Abuse begins. Leave. This is good advice. Link to post Share on other sites
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