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She moved out


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I'll start by saying I have been lurking this forum for a few days now. You all seem very helpful and understanding.

 

Here's what I need advice on.

 

My GF and I have broken up. She left while I was at work on Saturday the 13th. What lead us to this, I'm not really sure. She didn't tell me she needs space. She didn't leave a note. I will add that she left once before in August 2013 because she felt like I was being too controlling. However, when she left that time she did the same thing. Left while I was at work. Did not respond to emails, phone calls, or texts. Finally after about 4 days I was able to get a reply out of her. We began talking on the phone and she told me what was bothering her. After us dating for some time, she decided to move back with me. Repeatedly telling me how stupid it was for her to move in the first place. "I should have just communicated with you better" is what she said.

 

Currently I am on day 4 of no communication from her. Of course I texted and called her Saturday (the day of the move out). I messaged her once on Sunday morning. I had a weak moment because Sundays were always our day together. Then again Monday morning I messaged her. Since then I haven't contacted her.

 

Now i don't know the exact reason she left since she left without saying a word, but we did have a conversation the night before because she upset me. All day Friday she was sending me texts saying "I'm off at 3 on Saturday, when you get home we should go do some xmas shopping. Then grab some dinner together. I'd like to make us a nice dinner on Sunday.) Friday night like I said we had a conversation. She realized she upset me and she was apologizing profusely. In her words Friday night "I don't care how long it takes or what I have to do, but I will prove to you that you are the one I want to be with and love."

 

Saturday I come home from work and she is gone. I'm trying to give her her space, but it's difficult. She didn't ask for space. So I'm at a loss as to how to proceed. Today I was planning on scheduling flowers to be delivered to her at work. She has never in her life received flowers (Yes I'm aware I dropped the ball on that as well). I've also considered having a mutual girl that's a friend send her a nice email in hopes of opening communication.

 

I want to add one final thing. About three weeks ago, she said something to me that I found flattering, but confusing as well. She said and I quote "You will always be the guy I run back to." In hindsight I feel like she was sending me a subtle message.

 

Can any of you, especially women on here, give me some insight as to what is going on? I know this girl loves me. I see it in the way she looks at me, feel it in the way she kisses me, hear it in the way she talks to me.

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She said and I quote "You will always be the guy I run back to." In hindsight I feel like she was sending me a subtle message.

 

IMO there is another guy.. I know you are going to say there isn't and she will even say there isn't if you ask her.. but there is one.. and if not at the time she moved out certainly there was an orbiter or someone she had in the wings to go try out..

 

My advice.. don't take her back, don't try and get her back..

Why would you want someone who will leave you at a whim like that, what if you both had a child together, she would have effectively left you out of the child life..

 

Heal from this breakup and go find someone who will there for you.. this girl isn't it..

 

Now if she left because you were abusing her, then my advice isn't going to be right...

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Ignore her. Don't let her think she can walk in and out of your life like that. If she loves you like you say then let her come back to you but never go chasing after her.

 

If she has problems, she should communicate with you like an adult, not just move out without saying a word. Don't tolerate this kind of behaviour, you let her back in one time but let her know it won't happen again and start NC.

 

When she is hiding she expects you to go seeking. When you stop seeking, she will come back out to see where you are. If she doesn't then she doesn't want to play with you no more so let her go.

 

It's very childish really...

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Art, thank you for the reply. I'm 99.99% sure that there isn't another guy. Many of our issues derived from lack of communication. I felt like she was focusing a ton on her work, and very little on me. Our arguments were almost always initiated by me saying that "you're not paying enough attention to me." It got to a point where even I was aware that I was creating an environment at home that she didn't want to be a part of. She probably would think "ugh I have to go home and listen to this again.," but I couldn't help myself. I wanted us to talk more. There is a big part of me that thinks I can fix this (she's the kind of girl that would be open to talking).

 

Your reply is the most common I hear. While it may be true in some cases, in this case I believe that she didn't know how to communicate her thoughts effectively to me and once again ran away. I sincerely believe there is a deeper issue then "There's another guy."

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If she has problems, she should communicate with you like an adult, not just move out without saying a word. Don't tolerate this kind of behaviour, you let her back in one time but let her know it won't happen again and start NC.

 

I agree with you whole heartedly, but I feel that this situation is different. All her life she has had trouble with communication. It stems from her brothers and a step father doing things that they should not have been doing to a sister or daughter. She went to tell her mom who responded with "don't say things like that. its not nice." So she was forced to deal with the humiliation and ongoing inappropriate behavior as a child. From that point on I believe, and she has confirmed, that she has a hard time telling people how she feels because she doesn't think they will find it to be important. There is no question that I love this girl with all my heart. I feel it inside that we are just having a miscommunication and she felt she needed to leave because in her eyes, she had damaged the relationship beyond repair.

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I don't know, call me crazy, but I'm really hoping I can find a woman who loves me and shows it by running away anytime she feels like it, not knowing where she is or what she's doing or if she's ok. To leave me worrying and wondering... man, that's the ultimate in a loving, mature relationship... we should all strive for this. I mean, whats not to like about someone who prefers to run off and not communicate like an adult? Yep, that's what mutually satisfying relationships are all about... looking out for number one at the expense of the other.

 

I know I'm being a smartass, but is this what you want? Because this is what you have... and if this is the best you think you can do in life, I'd hate to see the worst.

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leaving with no word certainly is passive aggressive and quit immature...

 

I came up with the other guy avenue because of this "You will always be the guy I run back to.".. it means she will run from you to another guy till that peters out and then run back to you.

 

at least that is what I read...

 

Do you really want to save this ? this is a horrible way to deal with one's relationship issues and like I said, what if the stakes are higher and you guys are married with kids.. then what.. she leaves and......

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I understand the concern about us having kids or being married and this were to happen, but neither she nor I are interested in kids of being married. We just want to be together.

 

I've also recently (last Friday) suggested we both go talk to a counselor and see how it goes. She was VERY receptive to that.

 

Also - If there was another guy - why would she tell me in the middle of absolutely uncontrollable crying that shes will do whatever it takes for however long it takes, to prove to me that she wants to be with me. Not being short with you...Im just asking.

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Also - If there was another guy - why would she tell me in the middle of absolutely uncontrollable crying that shes will do whatever it takes for however long it takes, to prove to me that she wants to be with me. Not being short with you...Im just asking.

 

I don't think you understand how this works.

 

What does it matter what she SAYS when look at her ACTIONS. She could have sworn her first 15 born that she wanted X,Y,Z with you, but what is she SHOWING you.

 

Listen, regardless of whether there is someone else or not, the result is the same: She left.

 

Not only did she leave, but she left and didn't even tell you.

 

Does this sound like someone who will do "whatever it takes for however long it takes"?

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Do you know if she really left? I mean do you know if she's safe. Not to sound alarming, but even if it happened before isn't it quite suspicious she just disappears without a word.

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Art is right. There's another guy. But, does it really matter now? She up and left you. She's a coward and can't face actually breaking up with you in person. Better to know this now rather than a marriage and 2 kids later.

 

 

Personally, I would send her one more text and only one word, "Goodbye" and then go dark. Strict NC. Do not respond to anything.

 

 

Time to start moving on with your life. You don't deserve the treatment you've been getting.

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