Cheated, dumped, boyfriend dating after 2 days.

[excusablesnow]

Well, let me begin by saying that this relationship is a little different than normal ones. This was my boyfriend and I's first homosexual relationship. Neither of us ever have been with another man and I've had girlfriends in the past. It all started when we became friends over the last summer and we got close and talked a lot about relationships with girls and past failures. He had never been kissed before or been in a relationship and we're both in college. I kinda wanted to see if we would possibly be compatible so after a month I started throwing hints and stuff. Well he caught on and we started dating although it was a little akward at the start. Neither of our parents would approve of us if they knew though so it was kept on the DL. We had a whole semester of school together in the same class and were really close although we had relationship problems from not being able to fully show our feelings for each other out of the private sphere. Well he ended up telling his parents and some time went on after that but I couldn't tell mine just because of how strict mine were. We were best friends and although we had a few problems here and there we worked it out and had some really close encounters. We even had a heart to heart with crying not but 3 or 4 days before he dumped me about how he feels about his parents and his sexuality. I even said then that I was so glad that I was experiencing this with him because of how close friends we were. Just this past week out of the clear blue he dumped me and began another relationship after 2 DAYS. He changed is profile pic to this other guy and him while also fully declaring that he was in a relationship with a man. This devastated me cause I was told that I was dumped because I'm not fully gay and still confused about my sexuality (since I still find girls attractive). I was also told that I was not "patient" and "gentle" enough, but this new guy was. I admit I could have been more patient but I told him a few days earlier I'd wait for however long he needed because I love him. This new man is totally gay and is in the school dance club with him. I then realized that he had been cheating on me with this guy because he mentioned him a few times at the end of our relationship, would always not let me see his phone, and I was told that he had someone else before he actually dumped me by a mutual friend. This man became my best friend and I loved him which is why it hurts so much. I went a little crazy and sent a huge apologetic letter detailing my faults and potential improvements, then after he sent back a message saying he'd forgive me but felt not as close to me anymore I sent him an angry message stating how I was wronged, cheating never prospers, and how I would move on. I blocked him and this upset him cause he looked pissed when I saw him the next day. Well I caved , unblocked him, and sent a huge lover letter professing how much I'd take him back and love him. I told him if he really cared about me and wanted me to move on, he'd block me. He did, although it took him like 40 minutes after receiving the message to do so. Fast forward two days I felt terrible and ashamed about letting myself down and telling him I'd take him back after all that so I sent him a message saying that I truly believe he cheated on me even if it wasn't physical cheating it was emotional and how 6 months of friendship were spit on and trampled. I just wished that he had told me how he felt or what was going on. He dumped me the night before finals, never apologized or explained, and out of utter disregard for our relationship rushed into another relationship based off of what he gained with the other man during ours. I wished him the best, told him how bad I felt that our friendship had to end and cut off contact. All I wanted was an apology so I could move on.

 

Any advice whatsoever would be helpful right now. I miss how close of partners we were but most of all I miss his friendship. Honestly, do you guys think he'd return? I'm not even clear enough in mind right now to decide if I'd want that but it bothers me he never said a word about the situation. Just that he wished me a Merry Christmas, forgave me for my faults I laid out (didn't say anything about his), that I'd find someone else that cared for me as much as he did (LOL), and that I need to keep my head up.

[Satu]

I'll try to keep this brief and to the point.

 

1. You're still in crisis - you are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce.

 

2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps.

 

3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right.

 

4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person.

 

5. Tell yourself that you can and will love again.

 

6. Take care of your body:

 

Eat enough and eat healthily.

Drink enough water.

Get a bit more rest than you think you need.

Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous.

If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor.

 

7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn.

 

8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. No contact directly, indirectly, or by social media. Thats not easy, but it helps.

 

9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do.

 

10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate.

 

11. Post here as often as you want to. People here want to help.

 

If you want to PM me for any reason, feel free.

 

You will get through this.

[NoLeafClover]

You are acting like an ex of mine that would not get no for an answer.

You are pushing your luck because you are not leaving him alone and give him space.

 

 

You are being annoying and that only pushes people away. if you meant well for him and meant the good luck words you said then you won't bother him like that anymore.

 

 

And Stop acting like a drama queen by putting conditions "if you want me to move on then Unblock me". Stop putting yourself out there like that. That's why people get walked all over and get used. You are looking for attention from him to feel better but you are doing it the wrong way. You need to up your game. People start to show attention when they get curious. You need to stop bugging him. Let him wonder what you are up to. He will wonder one day eventually. Especially if their thing doesn't work. On the other hand why should you wait for him if you still need to find yourself. He should wait for you. If he can't respect that then he is not being a good friend. Don't put your feelings in front of someone elses disrespectful behavior. Its just another excuse to be a doormat. Don't be one.

 

 

Also ask yourself an honest question...can you love him and still not be sure what attracts you more? Perhaps you use the word love more widely in a partner but when I do for example..i make sure I have no doubts before I say it...whether is color, gender, appearance...missing eye, missing teeth...you name it lol

 

 

So Take the time to find yourself and what feels right to you... then be ready to love because when you find it next time, it will be much better than this.

[excusablesnow]

Thank you Satu for the amazing words of encouragement and healthy living. It really helps in figuring out what I need and what's best for me.

 

NoLeafClover, as much as you're words sting you're absolutely right. I think I couldn't accept him not explaining anything so I just tried my hardest to get him to tell me what was up. It's like a cascade of messages that I feel terrible about sending him. I apologized and laid out all my faults but what he replied made it seem like I was condoning his actions which made me frustrated so I sent him that message about how what he did was wrong and I was done (I should have stopped there).

 

Then for some reason I don't even know I profusely bled out my love toward him to try and get a response. Hopefully I didnt screw up too much since that was the only real "desperate" message sent. I felt ashamed at myself afterwards so that's when I decided to declare no contact for good and tell him I overreacted out of passion by sending the previous message. Wished him the best and that was that. And yes, I don't just throw around the word "love". I actually havn't used the phrase in years in relationships.