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I hit rock bottom on my birthday...


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We have broken up for about 3 months and remained NC throughout the whole thing until now. He was the one that ask for the break up because he wasn't ready for the next step. I have been trying my hardest to move on since then. Today is my birthday and for some reason I keep on thinking he would have at least wish me but nothing from him. And I realized I truly hit my rock bottom. Perhaps the realization that he is really never coming back hits me really hard right now. although the only good thing I can tell myself is that if this is truly the bottom there is no way for me to go even deeper than this. That my only choice is to rise to the top and truly move on from this and sadly him. Will never forget this year's birthday for this painful lesson in life

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mircea.savu19

Hey there, i am trully sorry to hear your story. Break-ups are difficult, we must admit that! It comes with a lot of pain inside our soul. I've been in a relationship with a girl for 3.5 years and everything was going perfect, it seemed like the perfect relationship, everybody was jealous. But it ended pretty quick, she started to like one of my best friends and he started also to like her. He couldn't guarantee me that he wouldn't do anything with her in the future, but he said that he won't interefere as much as he believes that we could get back again. What a friend, right?. Well, I don't know how good as a "friend" he was. After the break-up (4 months ago) it was her birthday all of my friends (that became her friends also)(3-4 boys including the one that she liked and the one who sort of betrayed me) went to give her a present. It was the worst day of my life, knowing that she is having fun with my friends on her birthday, and I was staying home alone, crying. Still said after so many months, I don't know if I hit the rock bottom even if my group of friends is now "gone". Just leave what's in the past in the past, that's what I'm trying to do also, remember that you are not alone there, a lot of us experienced the same or worse situations. And don't worry, you'll find your love soon, I also believe that I'll find it soon!

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I'm so sorry you are feeling bad today. I think many of us have felt similar for different reasons. I remember the lowest point that I ever felt with a previous ex was when he sent me a text message that he had meant to send to another girl. I was so hurt by it because I loved him and had hoped and held on for years hoping that he would love me in the way that I wanted him to. Picturing him sitting there writing out this message and excitedly sending it to another woman (it was clear from the message that they had just started talking) made me feel so stupid for feeling this way towards him. I realized that he didn't love me the same way that I loved him and that hurt so bad.

But it's now been over 4 years since that happened and although I still think about it, I don't get sad about it anymore. If anything, I have enough distance to recognize that my ex was a very messed up person. He contacted me a few months ago after we hadn't spoken for over 4 years and said that I was the best person he's ever known, that I save him, etc, etc. The old me would have answered and been sucked right back in, but I was able to ignore him and move on.

I wish I had some magic words that would heal the pain you feel right now. The only thing I can tell you is that time does really make it better. I know that is trite and right up there with "there are other fish in the sea", but it really is true. The only thing is that you have to give time time. You have to let it pass before one day you will wake up and feel better.

There is a great scene in Swingers (the movie) where the one guy asks the other guy how to get over a break up and the guy basically says that every day you wake up and it hurts a little bit less and one day it doesn't hurt at all.

Hugs to you - hopefully we can all help each other through these crappy days.

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Thank you for your comforting words. I guess deep down we knew this is the end but somehow we foolishly wish it wasn't. And today i finally got my definite answer from him albeit silently that he is never coming back

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Thank you so much nolanola for your story. You give me hope and yes I am praying hard and trying my darnedest to move on and that the only comfort I have is knowing someday I will be in your position looking back and knowing I have truly conquer the most impossible thing in my life.

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It's a good thing that he didn't wish you a happy birthday, because as you stated, you now realize it truly is over. You can now get back on your feet without any doubts.

 

If he had wished you a happy birthday, guess where your mind would be right now? Yep, you got it. You'd be back to square one.

 

Happy birthday!

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Fwiw, happy birthday. You actually gave yourself a great gift: self realization. You are very right. Once you hot rock bottom there is no where to go but up. Think of it as a rebirth. Congratulate yourself because you made it.

 

 

Hang in there. You have survived & you will continue to thrive.

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Thank you so much nolanola for your story. You give me hope and yes I am praying hard and trying my darnedest to move on and that the only comfort I have is knowing someday I will be in your position looking back and knowing I have truly conquer the most impossible thing in my life.

 

 

Happy Birthday Len31!!

 

As others have mentioned, it is the best thing for you that you hear nothing from him. It would only give you false hope and the only reason if he did it would be for him so he would feel good about himself and not care what it would do to you. You learn from the painful lessons in life. Those are the ones that effect you and make you a better person if you have self awareness and if choose to actually learn from them.

 

Be strong and begin to move forward. Think about how you would like your next birthday to be different and one that will make you happiest. There are great times ahead for you. Don't ever doubt that!!!

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I know how you feel, it was my birthday on the 7th December and he didn't text me. We broke up on 2nd December and I went NC on him. He did text me on the 8th December saying "I still can't understand why you wont reply to me?" I just ignored him. He broke up with me by the way so hell knows what kind of response he is looking for....

 

I think people get upset when they have expectations, wishing their ex would come begging back or even send them a simple text to see how they are. When that doesn't happen, you're the one left feeling disappointed. Its not because of what they did or didn't do, but because deep down that's what you wanted and it didn't happen. You need to realise that you're the one torturing yourself by wanting these things.

 

I remember when people said "Happy Birthday" to me last weekend the thing that came to mind was "skip the happy part because I'm not happy at all". In some ways I am glad we sorted all that out before my birthday so I can turn the page and start a fresh chapter with something positive. I hope you will do the same too x

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Feelbettersoon

I had to log in to post on this because this was me last week. Been a few months now and been in NC nearly three... I really hoped for a text, which I didn't get and spent the most of the day in tears (sad I know) but now it's passed I know that is it - I won't hear from him again.

 

I guess for us, it's more of a blessing because im not sure how I would of handled a text.... False friendship / false hope..

 

Ps happy birthday! Treat yourself today x

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Thank you everyone for the wishes and comforting words of wisdom. It's true that the disappointment wasn't because he didn't wish but more so because it was something I expected and it didn't happen.

It's true like someone mentioned the greatest gift for myself is the self realization and I am convinced it will give me the strength to move on with my life. If there is one thing for sure deep down i told myself that this must be the last time ever i felt this crappy on my birthday. Life is too short

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changchewsoon

I was the total opposite of you, I actually dreaded my ex would wish me on my birthday, dumped her just 3 months before my birthday.

 

And I was so relieved she didn't, but my mind wasn't paying attention as my friends threw me a surprise birthday party and I only realise that she didn't wish me until the next day.

 

Trust me you do not want to hear from them, and just like you said, life is too short.

 

Live fabulously :)

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I've never been through a breakup quite like this. We were together so many years and went through so much. She dumped me because I was an ***hole (being frank here) and didn't pay enough attention to her. The toughest part with me is not so much she has left but that I'm left with the regrets. All the signs were there so I couldn't figure out why I didn't act on these things.

 

I'm still alive and you are too. So many of us are going through the same thing so at least we are not alone. I go on Loveshack everynight to ease the pain.

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LostInLosingLove
Perhaps the realization that he is really never coming back hits me really hard right now. although the only good thing I can tell myself is that if this is truly the bottom there is no way for me to go even deeper than this. That my only choice is to rise to the top and truly move on from this and sadly him. Will never forget this year's birthday for this painful lesson in life

 

I recently had a somewhat similar situation. My ex(who dumped me) sent me a happy birthday text after 6 months of NC. I was torn about whether or not to reply and also because her birthday was a month after mine, so I was very nervous about whether or not I should text her something too.

 

Anyways, I decided to stay strong in NC. I just didn't know what to say to her after so long because I still love her. A happy birthday seemed so trivial compared to everything else I have bottled up. So I figured she deserves better than me and I deserve the chance to heal.

 

If she gets hurt that I didn't text her something in return, good. Then she can move on in her life and no longer have to worry about me ever again.

 

Now you know, that sometimes receiving nothing means more than what we might expect even if we don't know why.

 

So be happy to be free and happy belated birthday.

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I am so sorry! Reading your story reminds me of last week. My ex's birthday was last Thursday. I broke NC to wish her a happy birthday. It was an awful thing to do. All you'll do is get your hopes when you hear from him/her only to be let down again.

 

There should never be a reason to break NC. Even something as simple as a "have a happy birthday". He's working on himself just like you need to. Hearing from him will only make things worse. And I'm sure he feels the same way. Trust us on this!

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We have broken up for about 3 months and remained NC throughout the whole thing until now. He was the one that ask for the break up because he wasn't ready for the next step. I have been trying my hardest to move on since then. Today is my birthday and for some reason I keep on thinking he would have at least wish me but nothing from him. And I realized I truly hit my rock bottom. Perhaps the realization that he is really never coming back hits me really hard right now. although the only good thing I can tell myself is that if this is truly the bottom there is no way for me to go even deeper than this. That my only choice is to rise to the top and truly move on from this and sadly him. Will never forget this year's birthday for this painful lesson in life

 

Right now you may be feeling ROCK BOTTOM, but a time would eventually come when you will RISE above all this. If you take the necessary steps to heal yourself (it's going to take some time), but once you RISE back up, you will have a more confident and improved version of yourself.

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I realize that 2 days after my birthday I do feel better albeit a tiny bit and like one of the poster mentioned I gotta trust that it was the best thing that he didn't break NC on my birthday.

Bit by bit as the important dates past by and i didn't hear from him, it kinda forced me to accept the reality that he is never coming back to me. I know it's going to be a tough journey ahead but I'm glad I have started it and have faith someday it will be just a distant memory.

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Len31

 

FWIW, one of the wake ups that forced me to re-examine a long dysfunctional relationship of mine was 9-11. My then BF was near ground zero but not in NY. There was an FBI office in his building which became a command center.

 

All day I heard from all sorts of people & had multiple conversations with his family members, including one who was blocks away from the Pentagon & another who had been flying but was now stranded in the middle of the country.

 

He never called me. He didn't check up or reach out. he was "too busy" to see me for the rest of the week. I didn't see him until Saturday (from Tuesday's tragedy). At a time when the whole world was clinging to loved ones, he was pushing me away.

 

It was then that I realized that despite the last 12 years I could not live my life with that level of indifference.

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I recently had a somewhat similar situation. My ex(who dumped me) sent me a happy birthday text after 6 months of NC. I was torn about whether or not to reply and also because her birthday was a month after mine, so I was very nervous about whether or not I should text her something too.

 

Anyways, I decided to stay strong in NC. I just didn't know what to say to her after so long because I still love her. A happy birthday seemed so trivial compared to everything else I have bottled up. So I figured she deserves better than me and I deserve the chance to heal.

 

If she gets hurt that I didn't text her something in return, good. Then she can move on in her life and no longer have to worry about me ever again.

 

Now you know, that sometimes receiving nothing means more than what we might expect even if we don't know why.

 

So be happy to be free and happy belated birthday.

 

Len31

 

FWIW, one of the wake ups that forced me to re-examine a long dysfunctional relationship of mine was 9-11. My then BF was near ground zero but not in NY. There was an FBI office in his building which became a command center.

 

All day I heard from all sorts of people & had multiple conversations with his family members, including one who was blocks away from the Pentagon & another who had been flying but was now stranded in the middle of the country.

 

He never called me. He didn't check up or reach out. he was "too busy" to see me for the rest of the week. I didn't see him until Saturday (from Tuesday's tragedy). At a time when the whole world was clinging to loved ones, he was pushing me away.

 

It was then that I realized that despite the last 12 years I could not live my life with that level of indifference.

 

 

Wow what a story there. Yeah I guess sometimes we are forced to face the truth Albeit how hurtful it may be. Sometimes deep down we hope that somehow miraculously the person that we once love will change or finally sees the way we want them to be but I realize it's not something we can control or force. Instead it's better to work on ourself and be the best person we would be not for anyone else but for ourself. Think generally I have been ok for the past few weeks and the sadness come back on my birthday. Now I am getting better. The memory is still there and I think probably it's going to stay with me for a long long time but it helps to know that life does goes on without him and that I can actually live without him.

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