ps123 Posted October 27, 2004 Share Posted October 27, 2004 Well, Ive been posting on the relationship board for a while, but Im now at the breakup board so that will tell you where Im at. Im in a really bad spot right now. Im completley crushed. Ive seen other people post about this and no one here knows who I am so I feel comfortable telling this to a bunch of complete strangers. The reason its over is because I went to the doctor today for some symptoms. I was pretty sure I knew what they were, but yes, she gave me a venereal disease. At least its an easily treatable one. Shes been acting weird for the last two weeks and now I know why. I havent confronted her on this yet. Im heading over tonight and Im having a friend drive me because I know Ill be in no shape for driving home. Im not sure why Im posting or what I hope to get from this, but I just need to post this. Maybe someone can help. Im just so overwhelmed with emotions that Im just numb at this point. Im hurt more than I could ever imagine. Not only did she f**k someone else, but she did it without protection and then came back to me. She put my very life on the line to sleep with someone else. Im absolutely crushed right now. To make matters worse, this is the first woman Ive trusted enough to have unprotected sex with since 1994. Fine time to let my guard down. Link to post Share on other sites
cateinaus Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 It doesn't mean you wont be able to trust anyone else. Just get yourself treated, get rid of her and don't look back. Use this experience to better yourself in some areas ( I mean all the anger and energy that you could put into revenge or hate ). Take care! Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 That's horrible (what she did), and I understand your despair. However, when you get out of that painful fog, you will find that all women are not alike, and some ARE trustworthy. Use the break to buff up your relationship skills to the best level you can. Also...small detail..."sleeping around" implies she had many partners, whereas realistically, you only have proof of one. Don't make this worse than it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ps123 Posted October 28, 2004 Author Share Posted October 28, 2004 To be honest...Im not thinking of revenge...Id really just like to have one last chance to tell her that she messed up and she broke my heart and I hope it was worth it. I also hope I didnt imply that I think all women are untrustworthy or Im judging all women to be like her. I know very well that this isnt the case. Im still just completely devastated. I know Ill get over this, but for now I dont know what to do with myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ps123 Posted October 28, 2004 Author Share Posted October 28, 2004 Also...small detail..."sleeping around" implies she had many partners, whereas realistically, you only have proof of one. Don't make this worse than it is. I forgot to ask...are you saying not to take this worse than it is for myself, or not to make her sound worse. Just curious. Link to post Share on other sites
hulavie Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 OMG That's terrible news. Yup, you should confront her. As for the part where you mentioned she slept around unprotected..... not entirely true.... at least "innocent till proven guilty". Even with protection, it's possible to contract some of the diseases if there's sores around the genital area etc... Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Why don't you calm down, take your time and communicate your anger in a very civilzed way later. You need really good time to cool off. Keep posting and talking to your friends on the LS. Most of them will relate. We are all together in one boat my friend. You are, by no means, alone in this mess. Most of us were truly messed up but we managed to get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ps123 Posted October 28, 2004 Author Share Posted October 28, 2004 Well, its 4:30am and Im still wide awake. Have to be up for work at 7:30am. Im just unable to stop from thinking about all this for even a second. My mind is still racing. I know theres nothing anyone can do to help. I just have to trudge through this crap. I know time is the only thing that will heal this. As far as the disease it is...its chlamydia, which is usually prevented by condoms since its transmitted through the tip of the penis so its pretty fair to say they werent using one. I agree she needs to be confronted. I actually went over to her house tonight and her roommate said she wasnt home and had run to the store, but would be back soon. I knew she was home but what could I do. The roommate told me to come back in a bit if I wanted. Well, I waited around for 15 minutes or so only to see the garage door open and her car drive off...yes Im sure it was her driving too. So she not only does this to me, but then wont even have the decency to talk to me about it. Shes avoided contact with me since last Thurs and I couldnt figure it out until yesterday when I went to the doctors. Who knows. Shes got trust issues so for all I know she might think I gave this to her and Ive been completely faithful so it wasnt me. Maybe she figures she was with someone else so I probably have been too. Who knows. I need to at least speak with her about this though to get closure at the very least. I feel she owes it to me to at least hear how bad shes hurt me, but Im not holding my breath at this point. I might end up just having to write her a letter and leave it at that. I just cant stop the feelings from coming right now. Its horrible. Ive just started crying again as I type this. I just want to be able to sleep for just a few hours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ps123 Posted October 28, 2004 Author Share Posted October 28, 2004 I agree Sami, and Im pretty good about dealing with my anger. Im planning on dealing with it in an adult manner. Im going to try calling tomorrow and leave a long message explaining exactly where Im at with things and then if she still wont call, Ill write that letter and then try to let go of this and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Don't you agree with me tomorrow is too soon??? Link to post Share on other sites
ntovrhm Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 This is something he needs to be addressed as soon as possible. I am so sorry for you! That is a devastating way to find out that you are being cheated on. I say don't beat around the bush about it, and just come and tell her, "You gave me an STD, and I'd like to know more about how you let this happen, and why you cheated on me." She actually may try and and turn it around on you, if she doesn't know for sure if the guy she cheated with gave it to her. I would hope she wouldn't add insult to injury doing that, but you never know. If it was just a suspicion of cheating, then I would say give some time to figure out how to go about it, but as long as you were faithful, this is definite proof. Chlimydia (sp.?) isn't one of those latent STDs that you may have had a long time before you with your current partner. The "incubation" period (so to speak), is a relatively short period of time from what I have heard. Link to post Share on other sites
cateinaus Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 I think tomorrow is too soon and your emotions are high. I'd let the dust settle, then have a go at contacting her face to face so she can't hang up on you. By this time you would also be less likely to put yourself in a situation where you may get back with her. If she has put your life on the line once, she'd do it again. Just let her know that you know full well what she has been doing. Also let her know that you don't want her back under any circumstances. It's a shame that she has done this to you. You sound like a nice guy, I wish you all the best. Oh, and for your sleeplessness, I think just do what you have done, get on here and post, plus read many of the other threads that are like yours as it will help you in knowing that you are not alone. Try drinking some chamomile tea at night too, it helps relax you and induces sleep. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
JessicaAlmond Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 I think the sooner the better. She gave you an STD..by sleeping with someone else. She broke your trust, did not consider your feelings or health, gave you an STD, and now acts like a coward about the whole thing and is not even mature enough to deal with the situation like an adult. You need to contact her not only for yourself but because you don't exactly know if she knows she has. She needs to know you have it in order to get checked herself..but by the way she was acting she might know. I would continue calling her and I would tell her what she gave you, and how you are never ever ever speaking to her again. I'm sorry for what happened to you..but hey there are worse things. Now you know she isn't the one and that you have to move on. Bad way of finding out but hey know you know! Link to post Share on other sites
ntovrhm Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 I don't think this calls for a level head (as long as you don't think you would be abusive or hit her). I think he deserves to be pi$$ed off and she deserves to hear about. I guess if you want to salvage the relationship, then you may want to think about it (that's up to you - no judging here from me). But I would FREAK OUT if this ever happened to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ps123 Posted October 28, 2004 Author Share Posted October 28, 2004 Im very able to be in contol of my anger and to behave like an adult in situation like this so I dont feel the need to wait. In fact, I feel the need to address this as soon as possible. I need to call her on this. And no, Id never be abusive or hit a woman. Never have, never will. And I dont see any chance that this is salvagable. I really wish it was and I really wish there was a way around it, but the trust has been broken. Not only has the trust been broken, but she wont have the decency to even speak to me about it. Im seeing my therapist at noon so maybe he'll have some answers or advice. Ill keep you posted. Link to post Share on other sites
ntovrhm Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 I wish you luck with everything. Once again, that really SUCKS! But thank god it wasn't an STD that is permanent. Try to remember that not all girls are like this when you are ready to move on. You seem like you have it under control, and I hope everything works out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ps123 Posted October 28, 2004 Author Share Posted October 28, 2004 LOL...well I might sound under control but Im an absolute basket case right now. Ive never been through anything like this. To have this happen is one thing, but to then be discounted and just tossed aside like a napkin that she was through with just makes it worse. And yes... Im incredibly thankful that its not an std that wont go away with a few pills. I still need to get an HIV test again, but Im not overly concerned about that yet. Im taking this a day at a time...or hour at a time if need be...actually its been a minute at a time this morning. And I know that not all women are like her, in fact, very few are. I just happened to pick the wrong one. Link to post Share on other sites
ntovrhm Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 God, I couldn't imagine, STD issue, relationship down the sewer. It must be emotionally draining! Take it like you are, one \step/minute at a time. First and foremost with me would be figuring out a way to confront her about it. That might take your mind off the emotional pain for the time being. Glad you are keeping things in perspective, although that doesn't help much with the ups and down you will be going through. She is a coward, and you deserve some honestly and respect, ESPECIALLY when an STD is involved This already be in your post, but how long were you with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ps123 Posted October 28, 2004 Author Share Posted October 28, 2004 around 3 months....yes I know...way too short to stop using condoms, but we both got tested about 8 weeks ago and I trusted her. I also know that HIV can lay undetected for 6 months. I know i made a big mistake and I hope that what I have now is all that I end up having to deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 are you saying not to take this worse than it is for myself? Yes, that's it. Link to post Share on other sites
cateinaus Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 she is not talking to you cos she knows what she has done. be glad you found out after 3 months and not years. tell her, dont ask why did you and plead etc. as in try at least to look like you have it together. then run........she's nasty! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ps123 Posted October 29, 2004 Author Share Posted October 29, 2004 Well to add to the fun...she finally called me last night. I wasnt home, but she left a message saying shes got too much going on and needs to end it. She gave me the "its not you, its me" line. Which in this case might be true. She also gave me the Im not interested in dating anyone else, I just cant date anyone at all right now. Well, she was certainly interested in dating someone else a few weeks ago..or at least sleeping with someone else. How cold is this...she calls to end things (which were already over for me) and tells me by leaving a message?! Anyways, no mention whatsoever of any stds. Im starting to wonder if she doesnt know. Im supposed to get the results back from the lab later this afternoon so Ill know for sure what she gave me. I guess theres a slight possibility that it was that third possibility that the doc said (some vaginal infection that also can effect men). He didnt believe it was this though. If it did end up being just some infection, that still wouldnt change things. As far as a plan from here...Im just going to wait until this afternoon till I find out and go from there. Id like to stop all contact, but if she does have something..as mad as I am...I need to let her know...mostly so she wont give it to anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
cateinaus Posted October 30, 2004 Share Posted October 30, 2004 Have you found out yet what you have exactly? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ps123 Posted October 30, 2004 Author Share Posted October 30, 2004 Yes. This is absolutely unbelievable. I cannot believe how f**cked up this week has been. As I said the doc looked me in the eyes twice and told me I either had chlamydia or gonorrhea. Well the results got back yesterday. Negative for both diseases. I actually called the nurst back a second time and had her check again. Unbelievable. So all I had was a nonspecific urethral infection. That a doctor would throw out a diagnosis of that nature and sensitivity so casually is unexcusable. What if I had been married? What if I had been in a really serious relationship. Anyways, I called the patient relations line and Im getting a call back to speak with someone on Monday. Im lodging a formal complaint against him. Anyways, I am so lucky that I wasnt able to get a hold of her to confront her. Something was looking out for me this week. It still doesnt fix the fact that she called and said it was over, but this changes things just a tad (sarcasm). Im not sure where to go from here. Link to post Share on other sites
cateinaus Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 Go with your intuition, she obviously isn't worth it and doesn't derserve you anyway. Also take it as a lesson learnt, not to lay your life on the line for anybody. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
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