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Venting out and need your 2 cents


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Hi friends,

 

As you can see I'm a new here but I started reading the posts around two months ago.

 

Well, my story goes like this:

 

My GF of 7 years broke up with me two months ago (2 days after our anni) and to be honest it was very surprising. When I asked her why, she said that "It just wasn't there anymore", which when pressed for details turned into the "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" speech. She said that she fell out of love years ago but was afraid to break up with me as I was taking my Master's and didn't want to be the reason for me to fail. I was really shocked when she told me this because three weeks before she broke up with me she sent me the sweetest text I ever had, coming from her. In general, what she texted me was about how much she loves me and appreciates my effort for her and her daughter. That, she doesn't always tells me but she feels my love for her and she feels the same. Well, my heart melted at this and I truly felt happy.

 

Then fast forward three weeks from that time of the wonderful text, she breaks up with me. About three weeks after the BU she tells me that she just recently connected again with a past colleague and was planning on taking it slow with him and just wanted me to know. She says it must have been fate that we broke up because finally she has a chance to be happy. That really broke my heart because after the BU I really thought that I would have a chance and win her back (Promising to myself that I'd correct anything wrong with me) because I could honestly say that I was a good and loving BF but when she dropped that bombshell I knew there was no hope.

 

Now, two months after BU I contacted her so that I could give her back some of her stuff that she needs (And to get mine also) . We'll be meeting tomorrow and I'm afraid this is going to destroy me all over again. BTW I asked her how she was doing and she says she is happy. I feel really bad and every single day is like a movie day in my mind, starring her, her daughter, and me. This really sucks as she is my first love (at age 21, I'm 28 now) and I don't know how long I'm going to pick up the pieces.

 

Hope you guys can give suggestions on how to handle the surge of emotion that I would surely face tomorrow. And also suggestions on what you did to stop thinking about your ex would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thank you and sorry for the long rant.

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About three weeks after the BU she tells me that she just recently connected again with a past colleague and was planning on taking it slow with him and just wanted me to know. She says it must have been fate that we broke up because finally she has a chance to be happy.

HA! If you believe that then I have a bridge to sell you. She breaks up with you and then by pure coincidence, meets the man of her dreams? No, I'll tell you what happened. She "reconnected" with him well before your break-up, and he was the main reason she was not feeling in love with you. It's hard to feel in love with someone when you're cheating on them.

 

But she couldn't tell you that at the break-up, of course. She is Miss Pure As The Dripping Snow. So she concocts this cock and bull story about how she's been falling out of love with you for years, and was only staying with you for your own good, blah blah blah. It's all retroactive construction to justify her actions.

 

Don't engage her in conversation at all at this "stuff swap" meet. Just swap boxes, get back in your car, and leave. If you try to start a conversation it's just going to lead to more pain and heartache for you.

 

Then NC NC NC.

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No doubt, you got the @#$% end of the stick. It goes without saying that this is a defining moment in your life and one you will remember for years. How you cope with it will be something you look back on years from now and will impact your future relationships. Peg pretty much nailed it for you. She did what she did out of her own self interest. We all do it.

 

To answer your questions... Your not going to be able to stop thinking about her, so just go ahead and do it but don't beat yourself up over it. There will come a point where you'll get sick and tired of thinking about her, so let nature run it's course.

 

Embrace the surge of emotions your going to feel. It's probably going to seem overwhelming. When it's over, cry until you can't cry anymore.

 

But whatever you do, keep your composure, be a man, and don't beg. Let her see your strong side, even though your breaking inside. Fake it if you have to. Don't do anything you'll regret or cringe about a year from now. Hang in there.. one day at a time.

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HA! If you believe that then I have a bridge to sell you. She breaks up with you and then by pure coincidence, meets the man of her dreams? No, I'll tell you what happened. She "reconnected" with him well before your break-up, and he was the main reason she was not feeling in love with you. It's hard to feel in love with someone when you're cheating on them.

 

But she couldn't tell you that at the break-up, of course. She is Miss Pure As The Dripping Snow. So she concocts this cock and bull story about how she's been falling out of love with you for years, and was only staying with you for your own good, blah blah blah. It's all retroactive construction to justify her actions.

 

Don't engage her in conversation at all at this "stuff swap" meet. Just swap boxes, get back in your car, and leave. If you try to start a conversation it's just going to lead to more pain and heartache for you.

 

Then NC NC NC.

 

Thanks for the rep and advice.

 

Actually I was thinking the same when she told me. I was like, how does anyone who professes to love you with all their heart for a long time just find someone else that fast? She swears though that there was no overlap. Well, I don't know what to think anymore.

 

I'll just have to be strong and cope with it. The speed with which the relationship crumbled just really got to me.

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No doubt, you got the @#$% end of the stick. It goes without saying that this is a defining moment in your life and one you will remember for years. How you cope with it will be something you look back on years from now and will impact your future relationships. Peg pretty much nailed it for you. She did what she did out of her own self interest. We all do it.

 

To answer your questions... Your not going to be able to stop thinking about her, so just go ahead and do it but don't beat yourself up over it. There will come a point where you'll get sick and tired of thinking about her, so let nature run it's course.

 

Embrace the surge of emotions your going to feel. It's probably going to seem overwhelming. When it's over, cry until you can't cry anymore.

 

But whatever you do, keep your composure, be a man, and don't beg. Let her see your strong side, even though your breaking inside. Fake it if you have to. Don't do anything you'll regret or cringe about a year from now. Hang in there.. one day at a time.

 

 

Thanks man.

 

Yeah, I think I'll just embrace those pesky emotions. I took out my old glass plates though, for a good old wall smashing.

 

Fake it til you make it. I like that a lot. I'm going to that tomorrow and hopefully walk away on a high note. Thanks again.

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UPDATE: We met and exchanged stuff, she seems quite happy and looks like she doesn't care for me anymore.. It hurt... As for me, I was faking it like my life depended on it but it was hard as hell. I totally broke down on my way home and probably cried a gallon if tears.

 

This was also our final goodbye and as of today I'm going NC forever. I don't think it would be safe breaking NC considering the intensity of my feelings and the memories we shared. It's just so hard because I was saving up for a ring and all my dreams revolved around our future together.

 

I absolutely gave the best that I can in this relationship and the break up made me feel lacking. I haven't really realized it before, but today I felt that I wasn't worthy to be loved And kept. I know this is just my emotions talking but it seems it just overrided my brain.

 

I just wish this nightmare would end :(

 

How'd you guys fight that feeling of worthlessness?

 

Thank you again for listening.

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Yeah dude. I agree. She was hooking up with this dude before she actually broke it off with you. She wouldn't break up with you until she was absolutely sure that this other dude was on board to enter a relationship with her. I mean, she's got a kid to think about.

 

 

I think you're on the right track. Go NC and stay there. I have a feeling that she's going to contact you in the future. After the honeymoon phase of this new relationship ends, she's going to want to check up on you because she'll know she did you wrong and wants to see if you hate her.

 

 

Just ignore it and move on. And if you haven't done it yet, block her on Facebook.

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Do you even know if this guy is real? she can be lying about all of it to make you feel like ****. She's heartless. Be happy you now know who she really is and didn't get married to her. Every time you think about how you miss her remember what she did. How evil she was. Know your worth. She's not worth you're time thinking about her.

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  • 1 month later...

Light breeze.

I wanted to check your profile out because you've been so nice to respond all my threads. I'm surprised that we that I have many similarities like in my previous Marriage. when my husband left he was continuing an emotional affair until two weeks before It turned physical before he left. I have the sneaking suspicion that your girlfriend might have already met this man and continued some type of emotional affair. also this could most definitely be a rebound situation. I understand how got wrenching it can feel and you feel completely betrayed. Especially considering she had a little girl involved in this whole thing. :-(I think the best thing for you to do at this point is obviously go complete no contact I wouldn't even meet up with her to exchange stuff I would just do it tHrough a friend she needs to absolutely not see you. I don't know if you're still wanting to work things out down the road? But as of right now (same advice you gave me) you need to realize it's not happening right now at all and you need to move on.it sounds like you're a really good guy and have a lot to offer any other woman so just keep that in mind and remember this really has nothing to do with you. that letter she gave you probably was genuine and she sounds very confused I would feel sorry for her. seemsvery fishy to me...

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Thank you Super Kitty,

 

Its now more than 3 months broken up. More than a month of complete and utter NC. I feel fine now, the despair is gone already, counselling sessions helped me alot. I learned a lot of pretty enlightening ideas regarding life and relationships that I can actually use. The only thing though, is I can't sleep for more than two hours a day, but that's ok, baby steps.

 

And no, I have no plans of reconciling with my ex as she is seeing someone right now, Pretty sure also she was seeing him prior to the BU. But, its ok that's life and I'll move on.

 

Thank you again for your kind words.

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Therapy really helped me as well.. Working through the pain. It really is sad that people who were such a big part of your life can betray and replace you so easily but count your lucky stars you didn't get married with this woman, get a mortgage and have children. You have a new opportunity to move forward a lot wiser now.

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nc Light Breeze is your messiah.

 

you dont want to break it. even if she calls ignore. if she texts ignore. just ignore and go stealth mode for couple of years.

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towardthefuture

Similar situation to me. Here are some movies I watched that made me feel better:

 

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Swingers

Mud

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

 

Thank god you didn't beg like I did. Kudos

 

edit: oh yeah, and read "Uncoupling" by Diane Vaughan. You'll walk away knowing more about what was going through her head than you'd ever get from her telling you

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