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Dumper and Regret


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blue_jay_bird

As a dumper. I feel more unsureness then I thought I would, Is this normal.

 

I keep telling myself I deserve someone that is attentive/loving to me.

 

Do second chances work? I mean when someone doesn't put effort into a relationship, that won't change?

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HeartbrokenNewbie

I prob didn't put enough effort in but only because I thought we were a sure thing.. I would def change that had I have been made aware.. However a slight lack of attention comes nowhere close to the pain he inflicted on us by walking out...

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I think if you both got together there is always going to be that fear of what if they walk out on the relationship again. I never agreed with 2nd chances because there is that reason as to why it ended in the first place.

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As a dumper you would have the upper hand. The person you dumped would probably ALWAYS be bracing themselves for you leaving again. Is that really fair to them?

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blue_jay_bird

I told him we can get a coffee in a month, cause the idea of never seeing him again really sux.

 

Plus, it seemed like he wouldn't leave and that statement got him out of the car.

 

Plus i'd love to get a coffee with him in a month.

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jackinthebox1

Thats fine for you as u know you have him on the back burner but unfair to him as he spends a month in agony hoping to get you back.

I think it can work as a second chance but u need 3 months to lose all your irrational thoughts and make a sure decision on what is best for you.

Right now you are just missing having a person there and channeling that emotion as love, when its just the grieving process

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ConfusedHumanBeing
I told him we can get a coffee in a month, cause the idea of never seeing him again really sux.

 

Plus, it seemed like he wouldn't leave and that statement got him out of the car.

 

Plus i'd love to get a coffee with him in a month.

 

What you are doing is disrespectful to him. All you are doing is presenting some false hope and delaying him moving on from you.

 

You need to stop talking to him. If you miss him and are unsure about your decision, then you should have REALLY thought about that before you broke up with him. I dont really feel bad, but if you are wanting him to be your friend, its going to take a LOT longer than a month and NOT TALKING TO HIM.

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blue_jay_bird

Delaying him from what hope.

 

Whenever I asked him how I felt about me. I'd get, "I like you but I'm unsure."

 

Who says that. Someone thats not that in to you.

 

His pain and sadness is ego related not missing me. During most of the relationship he would hardly contact me, engage in me, compliment me.

 

I asked him why he didn't do anything when he saw a stop trying. I mean, u see your girlfriend pulling away in sadness cause you say your unsure and you allow it to happen. And then respond I saw the break-up coming. (me thinking you did nothing)

 

Yes, coffee after a month was a bad idea. But I said it. Now, I can't take that away via text message.

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blue_jay_bird

I also wanted to ask if I should ask him how he's doing?

 

Last time I was dumped I hated that I was never asked this.

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Delaying him from what hope.

 

Whenever I asked him how I felt about me. I'd get, "I like you but I'm unsure."

 

Who says that. Someone thats not that in to you.

 

His pain and sadness is ego related not missing me. During most of the relationship he would hardly contact me, engage in me, compliment me.

 

I asked him why he didn't do anything when he saw a stop trying. I mean, u see your girlfriend pulling away in sadness cause you say your unsure and you allow it to happen. And then respond I saw the break-up coming. (me thinking you did nothing)

 

Yes, coffee after a month was a bad idea. But I said it. Now, I can't take that away via text message.

 

So why not just let him go and move on and find someone that wants you, is in to you and treats you better?

 

I think like someone else noted, you need a good 3 months away with NC and that will give you a much better perspective on what you really want and let him figure out what he wants.

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Whenever I asked him how I felt about me. I'd get, "I like you but I'm unsure."

 

Who says that. Someone thats not that in to you.

 

His pain and sadness is ego related not missing me. During most of the relationship he would hardly contact me, engage in me, compliment me.

 

 

now, you know, as a woman, when a guy says this stuff (or doesn't say loving stuff) he isn't into you. you have it right and your gut knows it. if he can't express it, he doesn't feel it, bottom line. you made a strong choice for you and will find someone who can say what you need. don't go back. look forward. i stayed with a guy 2.5 years who NEVER expressed loving words. the loser eventually came back a year later to try and reconcile, but as you said, it's more about a wounded ego than missing the person. guys like this are worth staying away from.

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