euro Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 i've read many topics and suggestions here for the past few days, i think you guys are great in what you do and levels of support you provide. my situation is somewhat complex, but two weeks ago I received a "we should stop seeing each other" and " it is my final decision" rhetorics from a man of three years that came as a total surprise. since then have done everything in my powers to make things better. including begging for a second chance, showing that i don't care, making spontaneous plans and constantly reminding a person what a great time we had. yep, a complete opposite of what is needed. but eventually decided to try NC approach. yesterday was day 1. didn't really work out. couldn't resist his message to me and ran right back. today is day 2. hopefully will be stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
Author euro Posted November 12, 2014 Author Share Posted November 12, 2014 (edited) my NC path strategy will be a long one for me, but I'm taking first steps. the hardest one is to fully accept the situation. i should stop thinking in terms of.... how great things were and how much better they can become with some patience and persistence. never thought it would be so difficult. but it is. too many things constantly remind me of us. too many future plans. stuff... i can't easily forget or devalue... so I'm trying to work through this denial stage. look at things as realistic as possible. feeling so sad though. Edited November 12, 2014 by euro Link to post Share on other sites
Author euro Posted November 12, 2014 Author Share Posted November 12, 2014 he messaged me again asking how am i doing and how my day is going. haven't replied yet. trying to fight temptations. god, sometimes i feel i need to cut off my head and buy a new one... to stop seeing in every word a sign of reconciliation. a new hope. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 he messaged me again asking how am i doing and how my day is going. haven't replied yet. trying to fight temptations. god, sometimes i feel i need to cut off my head and buy a new one... to stop seeing in every word a sign of reconciliation. a new hope. Delete his contact details if you have an iPhone block it. You need space it hurts I'm day 13 and I feel better for it Link to post Share on other sites
Author euro Posted November 12, 2014 Author Share Posted November 12, 2014 Delete his contact details if you have an iPhone block it. You need space it hurts I'm day 13 and I feel better for it i really need to, thanks i know its the end. after these past two weeks of making a complete fool of myself, i got "oh, you are a real fighter" ©. so i think what ever comes next will be just a gesture of pity. he is a very careful person, so his decision is final. and even if he still has strong feeling for me and he doesn't want to hurt me, he is very cold and distant. i can't change that Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Focus on the future it helps. I haven't heaRd from my ex at all it makes it easier I promise. Honestly there will be someone better out there for you Link to post Share on other sites
Author euro Posted November 12, 2014 Author Share Posted November 12, 2014 haven't answered anything yet. trying to stay strong. so hard though. i know he went back to his routine of extra- long - work hrs without weekends and gym right before sleep. in a way.. i was always the one reminding him of pleasures of life and importance of breaking those dreadful habits:love:. do feel a little guilty for deciding NC and not telling him anything though. it looks specially very different from my previous two weeks of trying everything to get him back. maybe i should send something that lets him know that I'm ok but won't be replying anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 haven't answered anything yet. trying to stay strong. so hard though. i know he went back to his routine of extra- long - work hrs without weekends and gym right before sleep. in a way.. i was always the one reminding him of pleasures of life and importance of breaking those dreadful habits:love:. do feel a little guilty for deciding NC and not telling him anything though. it looks specially very different from my previous two weeks of trying everything to get him back. maybe i should send something that lets him know that I'm ok but won't be replying anymore? You shouldn't feel bad about not telling him you're not speaking to him anymore. He already said his goodbyes and wrote you off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author euro Posted November 12, 2014 Author Share Posted November 12, 2014 lemonsugar, me85, thank you very much for your suggestions. truly appreciate it. i think this denial state just won't go away as soon as i wish. what makes it even harder ... i didn't really got any explanation or a reason for a breakup from this man. i mean... how can you be with someone for 3 years, do everything together, share tones of hobbies, have wild sex, mutual plans going well into the next few years.. and wake up one morning.. saying 'ok.I'm out'? so i guess part of me is still holding on to the idea that 'something is terribly wrong here'. maybe he is depressed? maybe he's testing my true commitment? i don't want to be one of those people who runs off as soon as things get rusty. but i can't determine what is happening here. Link to post Share on other sites
Mi7522 Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 If it's meant to be then it will be. You do not to do anything other than make yourself a better person. I'm pretty sure there is someone better out there for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author euro Posted November 13, 2014 Author Share Posted November 13, 2014 day 2. ffs. looks like NC is broken again. he sent me another message right before i went to sleep last night, with some questions. ended up chatting for a half an hour about various things. no mentioning of a conflict. guys, was thinking about my new plan. what if i won't be initiating anything. ever. will keep just reserved friendly tone no future plans, no going back in figuring out what happened, no new fights, etc. do you think that will eventually resolve the problem? or will it start sending mixed messages? i really don't want him to think that "we'r back together". to stop seeing each other was his idea, so he probably just feels very sorry for me. Link to post Share on other sites
metaversus Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 euro, I think you should tell him you want a certain period of time of no contact. This way he knows to stop contacting you, and you can both take some time to heal and think about things. Right now you are both likely in a hyper-emotional state, and you can't make any rational decisions about what you want in the future until the future happens. It sounds like you both need some time to figure out how/if you want to be in each other's lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author euro Posted November 14, 2014 Author Share Posted November 14, 2014 (edited) Right now you are both likely in a hyper-emotional state, and you can't make any rational decisions about what you want in the future until the future happens this is precisely the case. thank you! i think i need time off. this whole situation and uncertainties just killing me. can't concentrate on the most essential everyday tasks.. don't think its healthy for him either, especially if his decision is strong and thats what he truly feels. I'm afraid i can't face him and share my plans of NC. i know it sounds stupid and immature, but its just way too hard for me now. so will put all my strength into ignoring his contacts. will set myself a realistic goal, a weekend of no replies or smthng. even few days away from this insanity should help. Edited November 14, 2014 by euro Link to post Share on other sites
jbear0111 Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 i'm only on day 2 of NC.Split up 7 weeks ago after 2.5 years together of which the last 1.5 year has been constant pressure to do what she wants me to do.sell my house and buy a house with her,marry her and have a baby. We had plans for a life together but it was all on her terms without compromise and gradually wore me down,final straw being words to the extent of if you dont buy me a ring I think you're terrified of commitment. Needless to say I wasnt being pressured into something I was going to do but in my own time and as a couple not when she gave me ultimatums and conditions. She blocked me on everything and has cut me dead and in a moment of weakness I emailed her saying I wanted us to work and will try anything to get back together.Her response.............."stop contacting me,i'm done and cant do it anymore.I'm ok without all the upset and drama". i crumbled and went into this black hole and like you couldnt function ,analyzing over and over what went wrong I got to stage where I needed to help myself and stop letting her have the power and NC is the only way.I am determined more than ever,I did not deserve to be treated like she treated me.Her loss Good luck and be strong Link to post Share on other sites
Leroy82 Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 (edited) Unfortunately, we live in a easy to contact world, with FB, text and other social media outlets. There are plenty of books out there on dealing with breakups. Try reading one. It does get easier. But, you have to stick with it!! Find something that makes you happy. Something that releases endorphins. Like exercise, laughing with friends, shopping, etc..you get the point. Do your best to get out of that "black hole". It's funny, tomorrow will be one year from my break up. She was the reason I joined this blog. It took a long time because I kept breaking NC and looking into her FB page. At one point, this past spring. I was like ENOUGH!!!I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I say "funny" because I got matched with her on E-Harmony this morning. Not going to lie, it stung. Then, I realized how much I've moved on and I'm over it. Honestly, it will for you. You're not alone life isn't easy. If someone can't love and appreciate you, its a blessing they break up with you. You may not see it at first, in time your heart will see what your brain already knows. Edited November 14, 2014 by Leroy82 Link to post Share on other sites
Leroy82 Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 ...another thing is, it seems he's playing games with you by contacting you. Who breaks up with someone then contacts the person to ask "are you okay?" That's hurtful. And I know he's not trying to be, but it is. You should tell him to stop contacting you or just block him or lie and say everything has been great. The best way to get over an ex is to start living a great life. Anywho, this is my 2 cents..lol Link to post Share on other sites
metaversus Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 ...another thing is, it seems he's playing games with you by contacting you. Who breaks up with someone then contacts the person to ask "are you okay?" That's hurtful. And I know he's not trying to be, but it is. You should tell him to stop contacting you or just block him or lie and say everything has been great. The best way to get over an ex is to start living a great life. Anywho, this is my 2 cents..lol Ugh you're so right Leroy82. I'm back to day 1 of nc today (made it day 5 before caving). I'd rather have no contact then casual small talk 'friendly' conversation. What's the point? Link to post Share on other sites
tikay00 Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 I guess I'll post in your NC diary. At home, bored. No work today, and nothing to do. On my desktop (always recipee for stalking disaster), and have an urge to check her stuff. Someone slap me on my face. Link to post Share on other sites
Leroy82 Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 (edited) Going through NC kinda feels like what a drug addict would go through (I would guess). You must have it and when you break NC, it feels good (for a short time) then you feel guilty and sick all over again for breaking NC. You tell yourself "I'll never break it again". Most of us do and will (like an addict). At some point - you have to stand up and be strong. Remind yourself how bad it made you feel when you broke it the last time. What helped me is writing about it. So when I had an urge to contact my ex. I would read my journal and remind myself how awful it made me feel. I didn't want to feel that way ever again. Always remember - you're not alone in this. People tend to think they are when it comes to a broken heart. Yes, I'm a dude that keeps a journal. I like to journal my travels and my moods. Edited November 14, 2014 by Leroy82 Link to post Share on other sites
Author euro Posted November 17, 2014 Author Share Posted November 17, 2014 oh guys thank you so much for your understanding and good suggestions.. i really don't feel like sharing all this stuff with my friends and family, so this is very helpful. went through a weekend without replying to any messages. so i guess it can count as a NC day 2. had an urge to write him a final letter. something fun and inspiring that would always reming him of us... but then decided not to. three years down the drain, time to cut losses and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Rainah Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 My friends and family are sick of hearing my feelings towards my ex so I try not bring it up anymore but it gives them the impression I am over him and I'm ok but really I'm not, this forum is a great place to let out your true feelings without people getting sick or bored of hearing what you have to say because they are all here to discuss the problems at hand anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author euro Posted November 18, 2014 Author Share Posted November 18, 2014 (edited) this dude is very helpful. + NC Edited November 18, 2014 by euro Link to post Share on other sites
Author euro Posted November 18, 2014 Author Share Posted November 18, 2014 (edited) day 4 of NC. have a question though. during those two weeks of insanity as i was trying to get things back on track, i made plans to see a guy in person for a 5day vacation together. (due to some work situation and new projects we'r not in the same city and won't be until NY). anyway. yesterday.... he sent me a text "when is your flight?" © referring to these plans. what do you guys think... should i do? i know its crazy and I'm so tired of this mess... but need an advice how to get out of this the best possible way. plz help Edited November 18, 2014 by euro Link to post Share on other sites
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