A friend's breakup

[sadsoymilk]

Hello again. There must be something in the air, because the same week I was dumped for no good reason ("you did nothing wrong, you're amazing, I just don't care anymore, I'm too busy") my best friend was broken up with. Now, my relationship was only four/five months or so.. she was engaged to this guy and has been with him for four years.

 

I've been best friends with her since elementary school, and I've known her fiance for just as long. They live together normally, and they have for three years, but while we're at school, she stays with me. The distance has never been a problem for them, and they visit each other often.. however, he out of nowhere decided that he "needed space" and began ignoring her for days without any prior notice. Just this morning after a few days of NC (on his part, anyway) he told her it was over and he never wanted to hear from her again. They have had little fights before, but they have never broken up, especially not like this.

 

She is utterly devastated and lost, and can't even really take care of herself right now. Now, I'm posting in this forum because she is in trouble and we are like sisters; I need to help her, but I'm not sure how. I have no answers or explanation for what happened, and I'm still trying to process and get over my own break up.. I know that I need to encourage her to keep NC, especially since he said he needed space. But I'm not sure how else to help her cope. I know it's not my responsibility, and she needs to get through it herself, but I'm genuinely worried about her grades and her health. This guy was her whole world and they were going to be married next year.

 

Is there anything to do to ease her pain? What are some good coping mechanisms, or advice I can give for the sudden end of an engagement? How do I at least get her out of bed so she doesn't fail her classes? Even just some words of wisdom would help. Thank you.

[AieshaR]

That's a hard situation coz the poor girl has had absolutely no closure! Are you sure he wasn't cheating or getting cold feet? Maybe you should try contact him and ask him what happened, that's what I did for my best friend as well and it helped quite a lot for her healing process. She's going to be down but the best thing to do is let her be upset for a bit but let her know that she needs to go to class, she shouldn't be missing out on that. You can let her know that someone who would respect her and really love her, wouldn't leave.

 

Maybe this is a blessing in disguise.

 

It's a hard situation really because she doesn't know why he ended it. At least you both can heal together that's what me and my best friend did and now we are getting stronger together!

 

 

Good luck, I hope this helped some what xx

[Personally Me]

You are a very devoted friend. On top of that, you putting aside your own break up because you want to help your friend through hers is admirable.

 

I am not sure if you should step into their relationship by contacting the boyfriend. She may not appreciate it, she may feel it's a private matter, it may create more drama. The reasons will gradually come to light without pushing for it.

 

It's a good thing that she is living with you and not alone. That helps, just knowing you are there. She knows she can talk to you, anytime she feels up to it.

 

Just do as you are doing. Focus on her getting back to class and her health.

 

How long has it been since the break up? It may be a normal time frame that she is going through the griefing stages to get to acceptance.

 

I hope this helped.

[sadsoymilk]

That's a hard situation coz the poor girl has had absolutely no closure! Are you sure he wasn't cheating or getting cold feet? Maybe you should try contact him and ask him what happened, that's what I did for my best friend as well and it helped quite a lot for her healing process. She's going to be down but the best thing to do is let her be upset for a bit but let her know that she needs to go to class, she shouldn't be missing out on that. You can let her know that someone who would respect her and really love her, wouldn't leave.

 

Maybe this is a blessing in disguise.

 

It's a hard situation really because she doesn't know why he ended it. At least you both can heal together that's what me and my best friend did and now we are getting stronger together!

 

 

Good luck, I hope this helped some what xx

 

Thank you for the reply! I am very good friends with her ex, but if I contacted him, I honestly have no idea what I would say. I'm pretty upset at him as well, because he is a very good guy who has never acted like this before and she really did not deserve it at all. Of course, I do want to know what happened.. I don't think it's cheating, but in these situations I've unfortunately come to learn that it's usually another girl in the picture. I'll think about it and talk to her about it. If she wants me to contact him, I will, but he will probably ignore me. I can only hope that we can get through this together and both become stronger because of it.

[sadsoymilk]

You are a very devoted friend. On top of that, you putting aside your own break up because you want to help your friend through hers is admirable.

 

I am not sure if you should step into their relationship by contacting the boyfriend. She may not appreciate it, she may feel it's a private matter, it may create more drama. The reasons will gradually come to light without pushing for it.

 

It's a good thing that she is living with you and not alone. That helps, just knowing you are there. She knows she can talk to you, anytime she feels up to it.

 

Just do as you are doing. Focus on her getting back to class and her health.

 

How long has it been since the break up? It may be a normal time frame that she is going through the griefing stages to get to acceptance.

 

I hope this helped.

 

Thank you, it did help. Us being together is definitely a good thing. We can encourage each other to keep NC and such. As for the time frame, he has been ignoring her for about 2 weeks now I think, but he officially dumped her on Saturday morning. So it hasn't been very long at all.