Jump to content

We broke a few months ago, she still text me daily


Recommended Posts

Ok, its a long story will try to make it short and will start by the end

 

 

Recent story:

Three months ago it was her birthday (we live in different cities) she came to my city and stayed at my apartment. We went for a meal, visited some nice places she likes, etc, etc, dinner, etc, etc By night we went back to my home.

 

 

We were in my bed (not sexual mood, just relaxing, soft music you know) then she was browsing through her cellphone (really big screen phone) in front of me, browsing her whatsapp chats then she opened one chat where she sent this kind of meme that said "it wont be easy but I will try" surrounded by hearts and flowers. It came to my attention and told her "whats that?" She immediately put the phone behind her back and laughed and said "nothing" I thought she was being playful so I teased her "cmon, let me see".

 

 

But hey, she refused badly. This talk started to look more as a discussion and evolving into a fight. I said, ok, you hide something eh?. She said no way! Ok show me. No, you have no right to watch my cellphone it is my private life. I said well, you just showed me your cellphone it was not me sneaking at it, it was you started it all. It is my private life you have no right. I said I have the right to know you keep your word. It was a dead end discussion. So I relaxed, calmed but the moment was all ruined. So she then told me ok I will show you but this is the end of our relationship. I said ok we finish no problem, show me. Then she backed off, refused.

More discussion. Then she suddenly opened the cellphone and showed me and I could read it was a chat with a coworker (she is a nurse and he is some sort of physician): She said "hello cute" he: "hello, Im glad you enrolled in the course it will be good for you" then she replied with the meme that said "it wont be easy but I will try" surrounded by flowers. (I already knew she was into some sort of optional course as part of her constant training in her hospital) But that was all she allowed me to see, it was the last part of the conversation, as she refused to browse more for me to see the whole conversation. Then I said ok your decisión but this is over. She got angry, we discussed.

 

 

It was not that I felt cheated but what bothered me was that she was playing games and teasing me.

 

I was so angry I wanted to dump her from my apartment, drive her to a hotel and left her there alone and say goodbye. But then I said that would be rude I have never ever dumped anybody from my apartment I really would feel strange doing so.

 

 

I didn't, I left her sleep and I went to the other room. Next day early on the morning she left. By 13:00 she called me she was ina restaurant close my aprtment. i met her there, we discussed extensively. I took her to the airport, we kissed each other but I didn't feel good about it.

 

 

 

 

Back story:

This visit was meant to be like a second start because we were breaking and coming back then breaking and coming back. At a point when we broke last time and we were just friends, I was chating with one of her friends (another nurse) by phone and we both got into flirting. I never denied this and I even offered my girl to show her the whole conversation (whatsapp). At that time I told her "yes I chat often with her, she is my friend as well, nothing wrong if you have male friends to chat with by now we are friends" She replied "yes but you got into flirting with her knowing she is my best friend and telling her how attractive she is, how soon you forgot about me" I said yes wont deny it I was heavily flirting. Then she said "I dont care by now, you both would do well together you are actually a good match and she always told me I was lucky with you now she can be with you" This sort of conversations embittered the whole "friendship". Later she found my profile on an online website and called me "I saw your profile" I said, "yes Im there and Im looking for a woman, wont deny this, what do you want me to do? I tried many times to make things work with you but we both were unable to make it work what else can I do? I like women"

Then I proposed this: "by now we both have a profile on that online dating site, now we both delete our profiles and get together again and try again, what do you say?" She said "no way, go on, continue with you looking for a woman"

 

 

Now, when she came for her birthday it was supposed we will discuss the whole issue and get to an agreement. My plan included, among many other things, for both of us delete our dating profiles in my computer as we both could attest. I committed to never chat or talk to her friend as I knew this bothered her. Initially she agreed. But the whole thing went wrong long before we got to the time to discuss this and other issues. My plan was to have fun first and the next day to sort things out.

 

 

Now, that was three months ago. She send me whatsapp messages almost on a daily basis like "hello, how are you?" "what do you do?" "how about your day". I always reply in the same mood, friendly. Later she tells me "you are special in my life". Whenever I ask her "why im special?" she doesn't reply. Things like that. I really don't feel motivated to try to get things back as I really doubt it will work. Specially, she hiding something is unacceptable, even if there is nothing in that conversation, the mere act of hiding is something I just cant accept.

 

 

Ok, sorry, it ended up being a long post. As additional data, she is 44 and Im 39. She is divorced and has three kids. Her ex husband cheated her with many women.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you made the right choice. She was obviously chatting with other people if not worse. I will tell you this, most women that are hiding things from someone delete them so getting on a possible cheater about a message like that won't prove anything really. She is texting you because she misses you. The biggest thing here is that its a long distance relationship and those are really hard because people want someone in their daily life. Perhaps if you lived in the same place things would be going better. Also the fact that she decided to spend her birthday with you which meant not being with her children and flying to see you means she obviously cares about you a lot. Point being she misses you and wants you in her life, your choice. I don't think she really did anything wrong here. You guys were not exactly together or committed to each other. On the other side of that people shouldn't have to try really hard to be happy or committed to each other. If it is taking effort its not working. In this case likely because you are long distance.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

The fact that she tried to hide a phone conversation and then break up with you when you ask for him is a telltale sign.

 

She knew she was doing something that you wouldn't approve of. I wouldn't go back to that if I was you.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

that's a though one mate. but i agree with natsu. There's something fishy here. but it shows too how much she care about you. it is your decision, follow your instinct, it's always right :)

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

The next time she messages you write back: Stop texting me. We're broken up. It's not healthy.

 

I was shocked when you posted your ages. I was expecting early 20s based on the level of immaturity she displayed & the fact that you said you had never broken up with anybody.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
The next time she messages you write back: Stop texting me. We're broken up. It's not healthy.

 

I was shocked when you posted your ages. I was expecting early 20s based on the level of immaturity she displayed & the fact that you said you had never broken up with anybody.

 

 

I do agree, she is immature and childish. But perhaps I have behaved in a similar way in this relationship.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I think you made the right choice. She was obviously chatting with other people if not worse. I will tell you this, most women that are hiding things from someone delete them so getting on a possible cheater about a message like that won't prove anything really. She is texting you because she misses you. The biggest thing here is that its a long distance relationship and those are really hard because people want someone in their daily life. Perhaps if you lived in the same place things would be going better. Also the fact that she decided to spend her birthday with you which meant not being with her children and flying to see you means she obviously cares about you a lot. Point being she misses you and wants you in her life, your choice. I don't think she really did anything wrong here. You guys were not exactly together or committed to each other. On the other side of that people shouldn't have to try really hard to be happy or committed to each other. If it is taking effort its not working. In this case likely because you are long distance.

 

 

Yes, you are right. But you know, sometimes distance helps in some ways. It gives you the time to think deep and don't rush decisions.

 

 

I know about her and her children. When we were at lunch her daughter called her to send kisses and hughs as for her birthday I realized she was moved and wanted to kiss her daughter back, as she told her "past tomorrow will be there with you, I promise"

 

 

Well, I think distance is bad but it also has some benefits, there is nothing to rush and plenty of time to think...

 

 

Thanks

Link to post
Share on other sites
I do agree, she is immature and childish. But perhaps I have behaved in a similar way in this relationship.

 

Does fault really matter? the bottom line is your relationship is over. Move on from it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

When you stop responding to her she will get the message that you don't want to participate in her distractions.

 

She's just trying to distract you so you don't move forward by dating someone else.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
When you stop responding to her she will get the message that you don't want to participate in her distractions.

 

She's just trying to distract you so you don't move forward by dating someone else.

 

 

 

haha, I didn't think about it before but if such is an strategy some people use then I think it is a pretty lame and a weak one. I wonder if it has proven succesful at least once in the entire mankind's history

Link to post
Share on other sites
haha, I didn't think about it before but if such is an strategy some people use then I think it is a pretty lame and a weak one. I wonder if it has proven succesful at least once in the entire mankind's history

 

The weak one is responding!

 

Let's get this straight:

 

She dumped you

She keeps texting

You keep responding

 

But you're not dating.

 

 

Every time you respond you stroke her ego.

 

Every time you respond it leaves no room for you to focus on someone new.

 

Every time you respond she laughs at you because she's still manipulating you to feed her ego.

 

Which one looks weak now?

 

You want some new results? Stop texting! Block her completely. Take YOUR power back - that power that you've continued to hand her.

 

Stop playing her stupid games.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix

Yeah dude, she's not the weak one. You are. You are basically her pet. She snaps her fingers, you jump. Stop jumping. Block her, accept the reality of this situation, and start recovering and moving forward.

 

I also was expecting you guys to be teenagers when I read that story.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
The weak one is responding!

 

Let's get this straight:

 

She dumped you

She keeps texting

You keep responding

 

But you're not dating.

 

 

Every time you respond you stroke her ego.

 

Every time you respond it leaves no room for you to focus on someone new.

 

Every time you respond she laughs at you because she's still manipulating you to feed her ego.

 

Which one looks weak now?

 

You want some new results? Stop texting! Block her completely. Take YOUR power back - that power that you've continued to hand her.

 

Stop playing her stupid games.

 

 

Ha well, it seems as if you only want to prove Im being weak

 

 

You say "Which one looks weak now?"

 

 

I really doubt such is her strategy or that such is an strategy at all

 

 

I say if such is an strategy then I keep thinking it is a poor one but not because of what happens bewteen us. It is a poor strategy for whoever that wants to use it under any circumstances

Link to post
Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix
Ha well, it seems as if you only want to prove Im being weak

 

 

You say "Which one looks weak now?"

 

 

I really doubt such is her strategy or that such is an strategy at all

 

 

I say if such is an strategy then I keep thinking it is a poor one but not because of what happens bewteen us. It is a poor strategy for whoever that wants to use it under any circumstances

 

It's not a poor strategy at all. It's working because you keep answering. I mean, if you think it's such a bad strategy, why are you falling for it hook, line, and sinker?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Yeah dude, she's not the weak one. You are. You are basically her pet. She snaps her fingers, you jump. Stop jumping. Block her, accept the reality of this situation, and start recovering and moving forward.

 

I also was expecting you guys to be teenagers when I read that story.

 

Well I don't see the whole issue as a box match...

 

 

In any case weakness is shown when you get into rigid attitudes.

 

 

I look at it under a different, nort as box match

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
It's not a poor strategy at all. It's working because you keep answering. I mean, if you think it's such a bad strategy, why are you falling for it hook, line, and sinker?

 

 

But someone mentioned it is a strategy aimed at distraction so you don't look for another mate in the meantime. If such is the aim, then it is a weak strategy

 

 

Questions are asked out of curiosity for learning, not as a result of weakness.

 

 

Willing to learn from life is not a weak position at all!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Well I don't see the whole issue as a box match...

 

 

In any case weakness is shown when you get into rigid attitudes.

 

 

I look at it under a different, nort as box match

 

Here are a list of reasons why you're being played and she is getting what she wants:

 

1. She breaks up with you. While she gets the benefits of having you do whatever she wants, you get nothing but false hope that you're getting back together, all while she milks the benefits of your emotional support while she is banging(or will bang) some other dude.

 

2. She's moved on, or else she wouldn't have broken up with you. You constantly contact her, she won't miss you. In fact, she probably finds you pathetic. Not in the human being sense, but a man that can stand up to himself(which isn't attractive) sense.

 

3. She's getting her cake and eating it too. While you're emotionally supporting her, she can bang every hot guy she wants.

 

Either way, while you're being "There" for her in hopes that she'll one day come back to her senses...you're suffering on the inside and she does not care, because she gets what she wants from you.

 

Stop pretending to be her friend. You know that you did not get into this relationship just to be demoted to "girlfriend."

Link to post
Share on other sites

She already told you straight up she doesn't want to date you. So what's the point in texting her at all?

 

 

And did you have a question - or did you post here just to argue every person that responds to you?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
She already told you straight up she doesn't want to date you. So what's the point in texting her at all?

 

 

And did you have a question - or did you post here just to argue every person that responds to you?

 

But beach, why you think Im arguing you (or anybody else)? I got here to share an experience. Isn't it what everybody does here? I don't remember I asked a (specific) question but Im sure I shared an experience.

 

And she did not tell me straight up she doesnt want to date me. But does it matter if she did?

 

 

Ok, someone here said get to the hard facts. The fact is she did not dump me, I did. But does it matter? I see no difference.

 

Also, someone else said I constantly contact her, not true, but the opposite is true

 

Now this stuff of the weak vs the strong makes not sense...

 

If someone needs to block or refrain from answering a text message because such a mesage is causing some emotional/sentimental turmoil or suffering...

Then is blocking/not answering a display of strength?

 

 

If someone needs to block or refrain from answering a text message because such a meesage is preventing you from getting into a new date or exploring new romantic relationships...

Then is blocking/not answering a display of strength?

 

 

If someone needs to get a constant (almost daily) boost to his/her ego by having a text message answered back from an ex-lover (that usually says "Im ok, tnks and you?")...

Is that a display of strength?

 

 

boy, I have a few (exact number 3) ex girlfriends in my Facebook list and in my whatsapp list and we sometimes chat and have always done since we broke, what is wrong with that? If I was in need to block them or delete them from my lists, would that mean to be strong?

 

 

Ok, sorry if I annoyed you or someone else, don't take it as arguing, at the end, I appreciate your time reading my experience, that's why I came here after all

Edited by dynamicboy
Link to post
Share on other sites
But beach, why you think Im arguing you (or anybody else)? I got here to share an experience. Isn't it what everybody does here? I don't remember I asked a (specific) question but Im sure I shared an experience.

 

And she did not tell me straight up she doesnt want to date me. But does it matter if she did?

 

 

Ok, someone here said get to the hard facts. The fact is she did not dump me, I did. But does it matter? I see no difference.

 

Also, someone else said I constantly contact her, not true, but the opposite is true

 

Now this stuff of the weak vs the strong makes not sense...

 

If someone needs to block or refrain from answering a text message because such a mesage is causing some emotional/sentimental turmoil or suffering...

Then is blocking/not answering a display of strength?

 

 

If someone needs to block or refrain from answering a text message because such a meesage is preventing you from getting into a new date or exploring new romantic relationships...

Then is blocking/not answering a display of strength?

 

 

If someone needs to get a constant (almost daily) boost to his/her ego by having a text message answered back from an ex-lover (that usually says "Im ok, tnks and you?")...

Is that a display of strength?

 

 

boy, I have a few (exact number 3) ex girlfriends in my Facebook list and in my whatsapp list and we sometimes chat and have always done since we broke, what is wrong with that? If I was in need to block them or delete them from my lists, would that mean to be strong?

 

 

Ok, sorry if I annoyed you or someone else, don't take it as arguing, at the end, I appreciate your time reading my experience, that's why I came here after all

 

Your emotions are clouding your judgement, so naturally, you're just going to have to learn the hard way.

 

It goes without saying that everyone of us thought the same way you did. That is why we're telling you this, because we're trying to help you, hopefully not make the mistakes we did.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix

Your experience is a dime a dozen on this site. Unfortunately you are not a unique snowflake. Your ex sees you as a boob, an easy mark, an ego boost and you continue to play along with it because you don't have the dignity and good sense right now to let her be.

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

=dynamicboy;5953978]

 

And she did not tell me straight up she doesnt want to date me. But does it matter if she did?

 

 

Ok, someone here said get to the hard facts. The fact is she did not dump me, I did. But does it matter?

 

 

And then you said this:

 

 

Then I proposed this: "by now we both have a profile on that online dating site, now we both delete our profiles and get together again and try again, what do you say?" She said "no way, go on, continue with you looking for a woman"

 

So you did ask her and she did reject you.

 

Are you sure you understand the reality that she doesn't intend to date you? And why waste energy on her?

Edited by 2sunny
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...