Telling your Ex you want to be over her? Good or Bad?

[JackJackxD]

Me and my Ex girlfriend broke up a month ago (she dumped me), and she said it would be best if we remained friends. I went on low contact with her for the month (cannot do NC as we study the same course in University). Although I've changed my lifestyle, found new interests, set life goals, I never really moved on with her. So today my heart told me to give this another try, and I contacted her asking a chance for a talk. She ignored me after 3-4 text exchanges.

 

Then one of our mutual friends messaged me, telling me "You're so done". She told me that my Ex messaged her after I texted her, and my Ex said something along the lines of "I've made it clear to him that I don't want to reconcile, I don't know what there is to say" and "Its going to be a matter of time before I start ignoring him if he keeps pesting me about the same thing". She asked our friend if she knew what the talk is about, and the friend asked me what she should tell her. I told my friend to tell her the talk isn't about getting back together.

 

Now that she is expecting a talk, and I can't really talk to her about getting back together, what should I do? I'm planning to make the subject of the talk about "getting over her" and asking her what she did to move on just to seem like I'm trying to get over her and not trying to get back together.

 

Considering that I do actually want to get back together with her, is this a good idea?

Edited October 16, 2014 by JackJackxD

[tikay00]

She's just not that into you anyways. Let her go, and just text her saying NC. So you can "both" move on, even though she already has.

[d0nnivain]

Because you do want to get back together with her, you should not talk to her. Go NC as much as possible meaning block her from social media, do not call or text her & avoid her whenever possible. If you have to be in a classroom together, sit as far apart as possible, preferably keeping her out of your line of sight. (Sit in front of her)

 

If you aren't going to talk about getting back together because she has made it clear there is no chance of that & you have no interest in being friends, there is nothing to talk about.

[JackJackxD]

I understand that there is nothing I can do in the near future that can change her mind, but the issue here is, what can I do to cover up my "attempt" at reconciliation.

 

If I cancel the talk with her, then it would be pretty obvious that I intended to talk to her about getting back together, and gave up upon knowing that she doesn't want to. That is what I don't want, I don't want her to know that I planned to ask her out again since it would definitely push her away and make me seem clingy.

[tikay00]

I understand that there is nothing I can do in the near future that can change her mind, but the issue here is, what can I do to cover up my "attempt" at reconciliation.

 

If I cancel the talk with her, then it would be pretty obvious that I intended to talk to her about getting back together, and gave up upon knowing that she doesn't want to. That is what I don't want, I don't want her to know that I planned to ask her out again since it would definitely push her away and make me seem clingy.

 

Dude, we've all the done the clingy, reconcile thing for a brief moment after the breakup. Who the hell wouldn't if you love someone? There isn't some manual that tells you not to, unless you visit sites like this. You wanna know how people found out the beg back thing doesn't work? Because they've gone through it, and billions of other guys before them have done it, and now they know through experience. It's OK that she knows you want to reconcile. It's just when you get to the point of weeks, and months on end of not stopping where you're just being a psycho.

 

You're thinking WAY too hard about this. Just tell her through text, you don't think meeting up would be a good idea, and that you guys should go NC.

 

I'm not gonna lie though, begging back has worked for me in 2 different instances with my ex. I was the one that caused the breakups, so I guess it's different.

[JackJackxD]

I told my friend to tell her the talk isn't about getting together already, so I think its too late to admit I planned on getting back together with her now.

 

I mean, it was kinda good that I saw how she reacted upon hearing my plans for the talk. It pushed me a little bit away from her, since she sounded so heartless. I mean, she compared my attempts of getting back together with her as "pesting", and didn't even understand that I'm giving it everything I got because I still love her.

[tikay00]

I told my friend to tell her the talk isn't about getting together already, so I think its too late to admit I planned on getting back together with her now.

 

I mean, it was kinda good that I saw how she reacted upon hearing my plans for the talk. It pushed me a little bit away from her, since she sounded so heartless. I mean, she compared my attempts of getting back together with her as "pesting", and didn't even understand that I'm giving it everything I got because I still love her.

 

OK, she knows, who cares? Just send her the NC text, and tell her meeting up isn't the best thing to do.

[JackJackxD]

OK, she knows, who cares? Just send her the NC text, and tell her meeting up isn't the best thing to do.

 

The thing that sucks is that going NC is impossible unless I give up my social life too. Since we were dating before University, all our friends that we've met are mutual. So if I want to completely ignore her, I will have to ignore all my friends. That is something that I'm not willing to give up.

[Zahara]

I think it's going to look even more clingy and wimpy if you talk to her about how to get over her and how she did it. Good god. I'm cringing.

 

Just let it go. If she asks about the meeting, just ignore. Pretend like it all never happened.

 

You're creating unnecessary drama for yourself.

[d0nnivain]

I understand that there is nothing I can do in the near future that can change her mind, but the issue here is, what can I do to cover up my "attempt" at reconciliation.

 

So you want us to help you as you try to deceive her?

 

Just stay away from her. She wants nothing to do with you. Sorry.

[Zahara]

The thing that sucks is that going NC is impossible unless I give up my social life too. Since we were dating before University, all our friends that we've met are mutual. So if I want to completely ignore her, I will have to ignore all my friends. That is something that I'm not willing to give up.

 

You mean to say that you can't meet your friends without her around? You can't plan an outing and invite those you want to? You mean to say that your friends can't understand the discomfort you are going through and accomodate spending time with you without her being around?

 

It doesn't have to be permanent, but at least until you get emotionally stronger and able to be in the same room with her.

[SoThatHappened]

I know everyone screams "NC", and usually for good reason.

 

However, since you've dug yourself a hole here, and you're going to be running into her in social circles, I have a little different advice.

 

Tell the truth.

 

Whether you follow through with the meeting, or do it via text to avoid the meeting, just come clean. I advise doing it through text and avoid a face-to-face conversation.

 

Tell her you wished things would be different, but since it's completely obvious the romantic relationship is dead, you want to be civil. BUT, also just tell her that you have to keep your distance as much as possible. Not because you hate her, but because it's hard on you to keep in any contact while you still have feelings. Tell her you need to do this until your feelings are gone.

 

She should respect this, and it shows you have the maturity to accept your feelings as well as work toward getting over her.

 

Tell her this and then keep your distance as much as possible until you're over her.

 

This gives you a better ending than if you were to do complete NC now. It's telling the truth, letting her know what you're doing, and taking the higher road. She will see someone with some strength and maturity instead of someone playing games and lying.

[JackJackxD]

So you want us to help you as you try to deceive her?

 

Just stay away from her. She wants nothing to do with you. Sorry.

 

Well I admit it, yes. If I come clean to tell her the truth that I was planning to ask her for another chance, she would probably start to be angry at me. And I don't want that to happen.

 

You mean to say that you can't meet your friends without her around? You can't plan an outing and invite those you want to? You mean to say that your friends can't understand the discomfort you are going through and accomodate spending time with you without her being around?

 

It doesn't have to be permanent, but at least until you get emotionally stronger and able to be in the same room with her.

 

Well not my friends from university, because every event we plan its for everyone. Plus wouldn't it be unfair for my Ex if I'm trying to exclude her from the friendship group just because I needed some space to get over her? To be honest I don't think my friends understand much, most of them haven't dated anyone so they wouldn't know how it feels. One of my friend even jokes about my break up from time to time, and I just pretend to laugh it off.

 

I can remain in the same room as her, well I have to anyways since we attend the same tutorials and lectures. Its just that whenever she brings up something that links to our past relationship, I get emotional. Once I had to stand up and leave, head to the toilets to wash my face and calm down before being able to sit with my friends again.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Sorry Jack but trying to contact her when she asked you not to.. IS pestering. One of my exes kept violating my requests for no contact to the point where even thinking about him disgusted me for a long time. To me, my ex was disrespecting me by blatantly ignoring my request. To him, he was just trying to reach out to me to reconnect.

 

In any case, you must go NC. You don't need to explain anything to your ex about your texts, as she is not at all interested in hearing what you have to say anyways.

 

Continue focusing on yourself and healing....

 

 

 

 

 

I told my friend to tell her the talk isn't about getting together already, so I think its too late to admit I planned on getting back together with her now.

 

I mean, it was kinda good that I saw how she reacted upon hearing my plans for the talk. It pushed me a little bit away from her, since she sounded so heartless. I mean, she compared my attempts of getting back together with her as "pesting", and didn't even understand that I'm giving it everything I got because I still love her.

[JackJackxD]

Sorry Jack but trying to contact her when she asked you not to.. IS pestering. One of my exes kept violating my requests for no contact to the point where even thinking about him disgusted me for a long time. To me, my ex was disrespecting me by blatantly ignoring my request. To him, he was just trying to reach out to me to reconnect.

 

In any case, you must go NC. You don't need to explain anything to your ex about your texts, as she is not at all interested in hearing what you have to say anyways.

 

Continue focusing on yourself and healing....

 

Well she didn't ask for no-contact. When she broke up with me, she said she wanted to be friends. And I asked her "what if I felt that I've become someone worthy of being your boyfriend, and felt the urge to ask you out? Would you be angry at me?", but she didn't answer my question. My heart was crying out to me to contact her, but my brain tells me its not a good idea. But in the end I guess my heart won and I made a stupid mistake.

[d0nnivain]

When EXs tell you they want to be friends, they are LYING to you. It's a nice warm fizzy social lie designed to ease the pain of the break up but it's still a lie.

[me85]

7 times out of 10 telling your ex anything is pointless and simply a waste of your time. ESPECIALLY if they BU with you.

[JackJackxD]

7 times out of 10 telling your ex anything is pointless and simply a waste of your time. ESPECIALLY if they BU with you.

 

I know that she doesn't care about anything I say anymore. But I'm still taking time to adjust to it, because the break up still feels like yesterday.

[me85]

I know that she doesn't care about anything I say anymore. But I'm still taking time to adjust to it, because the break up still feels like yesterday.

 

Talking to your ex prolongs you feeling like you just BU with her "yesterday."

[Natsu21]

Exes are never friends. Learn this.

[tikay00]

Talking to your ex prolongs you feeling like you just BU with her "yesterday."

 

So so true. If you can't handle the contact, tell her NC. Some guys can do it (I have no idea how), I damn sure can't.

[mightycpa]

I understand that there is nothing I can do in the near future that can change her mind, but the issue here is, what can I do to cover up my "attempt" at reconciliation.

 

You can't cover it up. You simply own it. The best thing for you to do is to not meet. Contact her, tell her it was a mistake, and you just need time.

 

The truth is she doesn't care. Your words of devotion are a plague to her. Your words of desire to be over her are lies to her ears.

 

You'd better stop lying to yourself. She doesn't want you. THAT is what you need to start figuring out.

 

I'm sorry to be rough about it. I know this is not an easy thing to hear or grasp.

[Xiane]

i know how hard the situation you are dealing with now, but please help yourself, try to focus on what interest you right now, and hey look at the bright side, this a good time to meet someone new?

[Jet Lag]

When EXs tell you they want to be friends, they are LYING to you. It's a nice warm fizzy social lie designed to ease the pain of the break up but it's still a lie.

 

I don't really agree with this. I'm sure my ex would love us to still be friends. As he said to me after we broke up, I am his best (well one of his best) friends.

 

He would happily move our relationship back to a friendship.

 

Sometimes I even consider it because he is my best friend...though then I think how I would feel when he ends up in another relationship and ...well...not sure I can do it without a whole lot of pain.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

I'm sorry you're going through this, Jack. When I was healing from my break up last year, the hardest part was accepting the fact that the relationship was over. No matter what happened, I would keep telling myself that I had no choice but to accept the break up and move on.

 

Acceptance is freeing and that is what takes time. Keep repeating, " It's over..It's over" anytime hope spring up or you think of her. It's going to take time but stay on track. You'll be just fine.