Ex husband trying to get another woman pregnant

[colgirl]

This will probably sound like quite an unusual story, but here goes. Basically, due to cancer treatment 5 years ago I was left infertile. At the time I was pregnant but was not able to go ahead with the pregnancy due to the illness so had to have an abortion. I already have a teenage son by a previous relationship. Subsequently, this put a huge strain on our relationship as my husband was desperate to have his own child.

Eventually we split up and he moved out. I was distraught and did try the whole non contact thing but he rang out of the blue and he ended up coming over where we had a long talk with me crying etc etc. As much as he loves me his need for a child is overwhelming and that was more important than being with me.

So we fell into a pattern of him coming over to my place once a month for a weekend - all the time with him still seeking someone else (we haven't been sleeping together at any time). We get on so, so well and really do enjoy each other's company, it just feels so easy and nice when he's here. But then, this weekend he told me that he met a woman several months ago on a 'co-parenting' site where couples meet in order to be parents. They are now living together and trying for a baby. He told me that he doesn't really find this woman physically attractive, he says she's a nice person and they basically want the same thing. Again, I broke down, felt like crap etc. We talked for a long, long time - I told him that my hope would be that he would have his long fored child and then come back to me. Essentially, he was really only with her to have a child with, and she wasn't after anything more either. It now transpires that she is starting to get jealous of him coming to see me and he feels a bit stuck in the middle. She is becoming emotionally attached to him which as they're living together is not surprising.

He left this morning, and I woke up feeling sad and depressed. I cried this afternoon because I don't know if I can handle this any more. It's all getting too much for me. The uncertainty is the worst thing of all - I don't know if he will come back when he's had this child or will he stay with someone he isn't that bothered about just for the sake of the child? He did say that he would like to come back but couldn't be cruel and just dump her straight away which obviously I understand but can I really just sit on the sidelines waiting around for ever? Feeling sad and heartbroken every time he leaves? He has told her that he still loves me and I know that he does, but this is ripping me apart inside. I feel like I should tell him that I can't see him any more while he's still with her, living with her. And yet I know I will miss him dreadfully if I don't see him. I finally got my all clear after 5 years from the hospital and feel as if all I've had all these years is nothing but stress, worry and disappointment. Please advise, thank you.

[preraph]

I think you deserve someone who doesn't just want to use you as a brood mare. He probably feels guilt because of your illness. But he's moved on and is having sex with a woman he claims not to be attracted to so he can have a child. I'm not even sure I believe that. I'm more inclined to think when things got tough at home and you were diagnosed, he went elsewhere for sex and is using your misfortune of now being infertile to justify it and keep you both at the same time.

 

You deserve better than this feckless toad! You'd be better off alone than with the pain and aggravation he's brought you. Give yourself a less stressful life and go solo and no contact with him. Maybe you'll meet another man; maybe you won't. I mean, to me, I'd rather have no man than that man.