Standardheartbreak Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Hello all, Here's my story - I was in a LTR with my ex girlfriend for 5 years - marriage plans, families vacationed, everything was perfect and my life was plotted out in front of me - this person changed dramatically in the last 1.5 years (not going into it) and after many arguments, emails, talks, ultimatums, etc - we broke up (I ended it) and I wasn't looking to start dating any time soon... Fast forward two weeks after this relationship ended (mind you I had felt alone for the last year of our relationship, and technically was) I meet an incredible girl - we have amazing chemistry intellectually, emotionally, intimately etc and shes very attractive - and see each other every weekend for the next three weeks, casually. She moves states and it just so happens that I'm in her home state visiting friends two weeks later and we spend an entire weekend together, one on one, and have an absolutely amazing time. We start texting and calling constantly. I fly her out to spend a week with me two weeks later where we have an even better time before - we decide to date exclusively. All of her friends warn me about her and her previous patterns (quick relationships that end abruptly despite her saying that "this guy is my soul mate, I've found the one"). She visits again three weeks later for another week and we have a blast (really connect on many deep levels). We text'd all day and talked all nights - becoming best friends as well as boyfriend/girlfriend. She wants me to meet her parents so I meet her parents (hit it off), her family and her two best friends in the same weekend - the following weekend we go on vacation together where everything goes perfectly. I tell her that I love her - her response "I'm just not there yet". She assures me that she had a great time and reaffirms our plans for the next weekends ahead. The day was going fine, we were talking and saying goodnight - then it happened - she said she didn't have deep feelings for me despite us being perfect for each other and was ending things. Literally devastated as this came out of no where. I told her how disappointing that was to hear and that I was sorry but could not talk to her anymore despite wanting to (initiated NC which I have maintained to this day (week and a half) TLDR: Got out of a LTR, jumped into a new one with a girl with a track record of fast and furious three month relationships, believed I was different. Treated her like a queen (all her previous bfs treated her poorly), all her friends and family were fans, I thought all was perfect, get dumped out of the blue despite "being a perfect match and treating me better than anyone ever has before - my head is there but my heart isn't in it", started NC immediately, still struggling... a lot. Please help me see what I cant. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 My first ever was an abused young woman... so in a wee way she matches your dumpstress. If you believe and show love to them, they will not see it. Their abused state keeps affection minimal. They expect a man to show his aggressor feelings towards them, as if he owns them. Sorry it is the cold hard facts. I see it all the time, just ignored it with my first woman. The only way to fix such a thing, is within themselves, so don't go thinking you're not good enough. The problem was with them. Be thankful you were so kind in showing that you can love deeply. Just allow the same to be done for the right person when they come. Link to post Share on other sites
Bella2 Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 I'm sorry for you. Know how you feel.... (as everybody here ) The No Contact is the best way to go. It's the only way to really get over your ex. I'm sure everyone here on LS agrees. It's a moment in your life that you have to accept. You had a couple of great months together, and now it's over. It's really important that you accept that. Then, yes, you will feel like sh*t for a while, but also that you have to accept. As everyone says here: there is no shortcut (god, I wish there was). Stay busy, go out, talk to friends, when thinking of your ex think "it's only a thought, it's not reality", and what everybody advises too is: exercise. It helps those endorphines to come out in your brain, you will feel better afterwards. I think this girl is going nowhere. Her history says it all. It's better that you found out after 3 months, than after 3 years..... You're better off without her, remember that!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Standardheartbreak Posted October 3, 2014 Author Share Posted October 3, 2014 Thanks a lot for the above advice - I think I was more addicted to not being alone (hence the replacement relationship). I hope that the rose colored glasses come off and I begin to see the relationship for what it, and she, was. NC has given me time to realize that she really wasn't treating me well in contrast to how I was treating her, the regular me would have stood up for myself and voiced my anger but I was simply too afraid of being alone to rock the boat. Not healthy. Everything in life is a lesson I guess. There's still a part of me that fantasizes about her reaching out and begging me to take her back, but that's just ego, in the same way that I don't feel anything for my ex and have no desire to be with her, she feels nothing for me, and won't. Its a bitter pill to swallow but one that I must if I ever want to move on. Looking back at the fantasy of what I thought the relationship was and longing for something that never really existed is just a waste of time. Link to post Share on other sites
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