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need help on ex left over 2 months ago


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ive posted before but this whole issue has brought me on a roller coaster the last 2 months and recently i really need everyones advice. Basically long story short 2 months ago my ex found a new guy and left me literally the weekend after she spent time with him. I was with her for 5 years and lived with her for 4 years. All in all we had a good relationship good over bad i thought especially at the beginning but things started to go down hill towards the end. I drank too much alcohol i will admit and medication i was on made me depressed and unenergetic , she didnt like it i was never a lush but she would get on my case no matter how much i drank and medication that in a sense slowed down my sex drive that i started to take a year ago and had off and on. In any case i will also say i was depressed with our situation she was very negative alot of the times and i was too due to living situation small apartment and i just lost attraction towards her. i felt the last 6 months were bad and there were times i didnt want sex at all with her. We just got at eachother because the way we lived (small apartment in nyc) and started to get in fights alot. But as i said we did everything together we did love eachother and we did get along more then not. I think just towards the end it was bad and thats why when she found a new guy someone who treated her better was into her she went for him. Even when she was leaving before she did she asked me if i thought she was pretty which made me think she thought that i really wasnt into her. i was i just wish she would have communicated more with me told me how she felt and worked with me to resolve the issues we had. So that is basically what the issues were in a nutshell. The fights we had were not all that serious i mean they were over small things that sometimes would lead to a big argument and i would say hurtful things as would she though. after i would apologize i told her i never meant what i said which i didnt i had basically said things out of anger. When the break up happend i really stopped drinking and the medication i got myself in shape ive lost over 35 pounds and physically i feel alot better but here is the issue that i need advice on. Before i say all of this i will say if our relationship was horrible i wouldnt care and would be able to move on so much easier but i still love her and i do think that yes i caused alot of issues she did too though as her attitude was hard to deal with. But again all in all we had so much good over bad. And if she was so unhappy she could have left anytime not 5 years later.

 

So 2 months ago she left i found out she did meet the guy and was seeing him now. the first few weeks she would completely ignore me when i texted or emailed she would however call me on her own account never said anything about the guy. she would call and just say hi and never want to discuss what happend or anything of us and only talk as friends. i did ask her to call and she did a few times but all in all she called me on 4 or 5 different occasions herself. then 4 weeks after (a month ago) i saw her in person was going to just walk her to the train however we ended up going out to eat she kissed me holding me went over the table to kiss me and when she left we kissed again. the next 2 days she ignored me met me again so i could talk about what happend she said she was confused i then left it alone 3 days later she texted me have a good weekend. i had tryed to text her she ignored. i only did because of what happend i wanted to try to work us out somehow but like i said she would just ignore any of my text messages. Then 2 weeks ago i noticed she posted a pic of her and her new b/f i asked to meet her to just talk she did i said why did you do that even after 5 weeks of seeing him and just getting out of a relationship with me after 5 years she said she told me she was dating and she didnt know why she did post it. then i was pissed i messaged the guys sister i know very childish to say that she was with me that monday making out with me i couldnt message the guy thats why i did and thats all i said. she called me next day saying im crazy im harrassing her and leave her alone. i did i just sent an email saying im sorry im moving on. Then saturday a week ago she emailed me back saying whatever who cares as though she didnt care and said that she was happy i was seeing someone because i told her i went on a date just trying to tell her im only trying to be friends and not begging her back. then a day later i notice the pic was removed from her facebook so they must have gotten in a fight. then she actually called me last week saying i sound sexy and she even said love you. then im thinking ok maybe i have a chance to get back with her and not for her to just come right back but to at least work it out. i then gave her space for a day and texted her in 2 days and she ignored me at first i said can we just talk about the phone call the other night. she said stop and she said she was gonna change her number. So then again i became confused next thing you know she posts a new pic on her facebook again of her b/f. the i ignored her left it alone for a week. yesterday i just sent her an email i said look im sorry for everything i have changed i didnt think id get better after you left but i needed space and focus on myself which i truly did. she never repsonded all day to the email i didnt even text her so yesterday i called her i said look i just want to say im sorry weve known eachother for 5 years and i truly just want to be civil be friends see how your doing her and there and thats it ive just said to myself thats how its gonna be even though a week ago shes saying i love you and what not. i know maybe shes confused or i dont really know. she then said you had 5 years to show me you cared for me she hung up called me later she then said some horrible stuff like leave me alone i dont like you i dont want to be your friend i then yelled at her and said your a bit*ch and how could you say that i hung up. Then i text her and say i cant believe you just said that. she then said i can be civil but you yelled at me which i did after she said that. she then said i have my period in a sense saying thats why she said that. Then i left it alone i texted her this morning just saying look thats not why i wanted to talk to you last night i just wanted you to know i care for you im not trying to be your best friend but we didnt have some big blowout fight to end us i just wanted to say hi and really talk about it all so we can move on but know we are cordial and still care for one another and i said have fun in your honeymoon phase with the new guy. and she ignored me.

 

So yes i sound like a wimp i didnt follow no contact but look shes lead me on the last month and half its been 7 weeks and all that happend. What should i do at this point? why has she lead me on? i care for her and i just wanted her to talk to me to show me there is no animosity. i could really be a friend to her i really could im even dating someone now but it hurts that i feel my ex hates me at this point even though as i said a week ago she called me saying she loves me and i sounded sexy so its not like that made me think its all over. But all in all she now of course is back with this guy after 1 fight for 3 days. she seems to have blocked my email she said so shes not reading any of the emails i sent which were 4 . ive only texted about a paragraph because she wont talk wont respond i just want to get my message to her so she knows im not trying to have animosity and i truly would be friends. But after the converstation last night i think i need to give up. But again why has she done what she has. And if she breaks it off with this guy i dont know where ill be at this point with this girl but my ex is effecting this relationship. i just want to know what i am to do and why shes done what she has? Thanks for your help

Edited by trey
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