Regaining Focus

[BikerAccnt]

Hi All,

 

Just recently been broken up with, this past weekend actually. And I'm having a hard time with it. Its' been a LONG time since I've had to deal with this kind of heartbreak.

 

I've lived with someone before, and been married before. Both of those relationships parted mostly amicably, after a long slow decline. Though very sad when ended, I wasn't exactly heartbroken.

 

Today, I am. Although we'd only been going out for 8 months, she was my first serious relationship since my divorce 6 years ago. I'd dated some in-between, but never felt close, or fell in love with, anyone else I'd seen.

 

The reasons for the breakup don't really matter. It came down to she doesn't think I'm the right man for her. I don't like it, but, I'll deal with that. I made mistakes, I can only learn from them.

 

My problem is I can't focus. I know it's only been 3 days, but I just can't concentrate. At home, at work, anywhere. I keep thinking about her, about what happened, and how I could have done things better. All fine things to thing about..BUT not all the time.

 

I'm an accountant, my job is not particularly difficult,but this is a very busy stressful time at work, with recent layoffs and a company purchase. I've never been the worlds greatestt focuser, but now it's beyond pathetic. I can't keep my mind on task for 5 seconds!

 

I've gone NC, she's off all my social networks. I told her I would be doing that and she said she understood. She had wanted to keep the door open, but I told her, no, I can't/don't want to be your friend. I can't do that to myself.

 

What I'm looking for is some advice on how to get her off my mind. How to get my focus back! If I keep up like this, work is going to suffer, and we are very busy after just being purchased by another company

 

I need to find something, anything (other than hopping in a new relationship) that will get my mind off of her! Any suggestions on how to do that, and to regain my focus, is greatly appreciated.

 

As I said, it's been a long time since I've had to deal with this kind of hurt, or distraction.

[hockeydan]

I am 3.5 months out and she still manages to take over my mind and destroy my productivity every so often. The best coping mechanism I have used is feeling the pain and allowing the thoughts to run wild. I make sure to take a break in my day, go some place quiet and just let all the thoughts of her roll over me so my mind can process as much about it as possible. I have recently been combining this with meditation (I use an app on my iPhone called Omvana), because that has essentially been what I have been doing. A 10-15min break where I just "feel the feels" usually allows me to regain my brain and get back to being productive.

 

The greatest of all healers is time, unfortunately. I am doing a million times better than I was months ago, but its a slow process.

[Lostdreams]

I know what you're feeling and I suffered a concentration melt down at work too.

 

The thoughts of the break up were too overpowering and tended to occupy my mind the whole day. I certainly wasn't able to do my job properly. In despair (and also knowing that I can't afford to be fired) I tried this - at work I wrote an email to the ex and sent it to my own private email box. Once that was done - I felt like I had evacuated what was spinning around in my head and then I could then start concentrating on work again.

 

This also became a kind of diary and record of what I was feeling when. As time goes my need to do this lessens - but throwing the words onto a page felt like I freed up some capacity in my overworked brain.

 

I don't know if it will work for you - but I do know that, when you are feeling like this, any little thing that might help you cope is worth trying.

 

In the beginning after struggling for 4 weeks to try and continue with everything as normal I eventually broke the pattern and took a couple of days off work to make a long weekend break. This was just for me where I tried to re-collect my thoughts, I went to the hairdressers, I also cried like a baby, slept much longer and whenever I needed to throughout the day, I rode my bike or walked for miles, enjoyed nature, fresh air and the sun on my face and basically just gave myself some space-I also felt much better after this.

 

Good luck - it's still very fresh for you ..... but it will get better with baby steps of progress and also some set backs Keep your chin up