WhatIsLove2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 When a couple years ago, I got preggo by a FWB...I lied and decided I was going to give him up for adoption...changed my mind but didn't tell the guy. However, the adoption lady was so angry that I changed my mind she basically told me too late you signed the papers oh well (within the same day, Saturday, of signing the papers)....so I tell the dad and he spends sooo much time and money getting our son back and I am eternally grateful. However, he refused to sign the papers to give me my rights back. So I try to stick it out for as long as I can, try to make the family thing work...we move in together a couple of months later. For almost 2 years, I try to make it work. Now mind you, he is still upset (which he is rightfully so), so he lashes out on me, threatens to take our son and never see him again but flips around telling me he loves me and etc. This happens a lot throughout the 2 yrs, we ended things a lot because he wasn't ready to be a father and he wanted his independence, which was fine. I had our son and lived on my own. Well, while we were trying to make things work again, I got pregnant again. In the time between my child being conceived and me finding out (1 month), we broke up again. Once, he found out, he moved back in with me again. I didn't want to...we had our problems and we couldn't resolve them but he insisted. Soon, we find out our daughter has a heart problem, very serious. After this, he becomes very distant (not wanting to get attached because he is afraid to love her and she will die). So he basically acts as if I'm not pregnant, we have one car. He takes the car and drops our son off to daycare and go to work. I have to take 2 buses to work and walk a mile to the actual building. I did that up until maybe a month before our daughter was born. This whole time he is planning to move out, still not ready, still wants to be independent. Our daughter is born, she has surgery her first and second week of life and is the hospital for a month and half. At this point, I'm trying to figure out, how I am going to take care of my children and still work because our current daycare didn't want to take our daughter because of her special needs (feeding tube etc). So I get an offer from a family member to move in with them (in another state) so I don't have to worry about working and I can take care of my children and go to school. I discuss it with their father and he agrees. So we move and everything is fine. We agreed that when I move things were going to end between us and etc. however, the same day I get to my family's place, he realizes what a mistake he made and he misses me, should've treated me better and etc. so we try to LD thing...unfortunately, soon our daughter falls ill and the next week, she is brain dead and we have to make the decision to let her ago. It was very hard and is still VERY VERY HARD! He and his family come down and my family comes down for a memorial service for her. We talk about us and making it work. He talks about moving down and us getting married. As a few days and weeks ago on, he gets back and forth on me again, I love u but I can't do this...let's try an open relationship...I love you, I don't want you to date anyone else. So I sit down and think and I realize that I've stayed in this relationship because he had control over me...he had the right to take my son and I could never see him again. I didn't actually love him, and I hated that he constantly talked about that control. So I talk to him and end it. He seems fine...but it turns out to be a fire burning. He tells me he would like to swap every 6 months our son and that he could come back for thanksgiving. I say ok. As soon as he makes it back to our hometown with our son, he switches it on me. Telling me I will never see my son again, he will be calling whoever he starts to date mommy, I'm going to tell him you left him, you don't care about him. His mom says she will make sure that doesn't happen but she doesn't seem to be helping at all. I've talk to my son maybe 4 times on the phone since he left over 3 weeks ago and gotten maybe 5 pictures. I feel like maybe I should have just hung in there. Because losing my daughter and now having my son taken from me...it is just the most horrible thing in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
tatersalad Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 ughhh you should go to family court for this, right away. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Yes. File for joint custody IMMEDIATELY. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I am so, so sorry for the dreadful pain you must be experiencing right now. I have no practical advice for you - I'm sure those far more experienced in this field will be of better help - but I feel desperately for your dual loss. I can't think of anything to say that would in any way even begin to comfort you. Thinking of you and wishing you much, much Metta and Karuna. Not preaching. Just "praying". Link to post Share on other sites
Author WhatIsLove2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Author Share Posted September 30, 2014 ughhh you should go to family court for this, right away. Yes. File for joint custody IMMEDIATELY. I didn't think I could do that because I don't have any rights Link to post Share on other sites
tatersalad Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I didn't think I could do that because I don't have any rights what do you mean? You are the mother of the child? Link to post Share on other sites
Author WhatIsLove2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Author Share Posted September 30, 2014 what do you mean? You are the mother of the child? I know but I thought because I signed over my rights (because of the adoption, which failed) I couldn't get custody. That's why I didn't do it before. Link to post Share on other sites
tatersalad Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I know but I thought because I signed over my rights (because of the adoption, which failed) I couldn't get custody. That's why I didn't do it before. I'm not an expert and never been in that situation, but I would highly suggest speaking to a family lawyer ASAP! Link to post Share on other sites
broken2828 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 A man who loves you would never treat you this way. It's reprehensible. Just another reason why fwb is a terrible idea. Next time, dont give your body to a man when you dont have his heart. I'm very sorry about your situation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WhatIsLove2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Author Share Posted September 30, 2014 I'm not an expert and never been in that situation, but I would highly suggest speaking to a family lawyer ASAP! Ok, I will! A man who lives you would never treat you this way. It's reprehensible. Yes, I know he doesn't love me. He has been trying to control me ever since he took my son. Trying to get me to move back to our hometown, trying to get us back together and etc...he doesn't love me. I know that for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
tatersalad Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Also, if you can't pay for a lawyer ask for people who are willing to do pro bono work, and I am sure there are womens groups out there that can help fund you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WhatIsLove2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Author Share Posted September 30, 2014 Also, if you can't pay for a lawyer ask for people who are willing to do pro bono work, and I am sure there are womens groups out there that can help fund you. That's a great idea! Thank you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I know but I thought because I signed over my rights (because of the adoption, which failed) I couldn't get custody. That's why I didn't do it before. I think you have more rights than you know. A co-worker of mine and his wife adopted a little girl. They had to jump through so many hoops to adopt her (even though the real mother was a mess and the baby was a crack baby). However, even after my co-worker and his wife "got" the baby girl, there was still a certain amount of time that the mother could legally regain custody. The baby wasn't legally theirs for some time even after they adopted her. You've been her parent and guardian since she was born. She's yours. So sorry to hear about your son and the rest of your situation. I'm embarrassed for being hurt about a girl, then I read your story. Thanks for the perspective! Wishing you all the luck with everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WhatIsLove2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Author Share Posted September 30, 2014 I think you have more rights than you know. A co-worker of mine and his wife adopted a little girl. They had to jump through so many hoops to adopt her (even though the real mother was a mess and the baby was a crack baby). However, even after my co-worker and his wife "got" the baby girl, there was still a certain amount of time that the mother could legally regain custody. The baby wasn't legally theirs for some time even after they adopted her. You've been her parent and guardian since she was born. She's yours. So sorry to hear about your son and the rest of your situation. I'm embarrassed for being hurt about a girl, then I read your story. Thanks for the perspective! Wishing you all the luck with everything. Thank you so much! Link to post Share on other sites
Pugsmum Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Hi WhatIsLove2014 - and thanks for sharing about all the struggles you're facing. My heart just ached as I read your post, and I wish I could give you a hug - I just cannot imagine going through what you're experiencing. Have you considered talking with a counselor just for your own well being? I hope you’ll get through this soon. Praying for you and your son! -Pugsmum Link to post Share on other sites
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