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FailedFirstLove

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FailedFirstLove

A quick run down. He couldn't stand constant fighting and he broke up with me again.

 

I tried to contact him after 5 weeks. Then 2 months. He was still dead set. So I stopped. It's been over 3 months. And he randomly texted me tonight. And apologized. Said he didn't know how to cope so he just hides away and pushes everyone close away.

 

It wid be stupid of me to just go back right :( after all his put me through Torturing me for months. Not the first time too. But man I love him so much

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Obviously something about communication with the both of you, makes your relationship volatile. Sure you miss him, but there is a lot of things you will need to work out with him to feel comfortable.

 

Do you think both of your issues can be resolved before getting back together??

 

If not go your merry way and finish what you started. Being a yo yo will just make things worse if you cannot communicate properly between each other.

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Love is NOT enough. You are not good for each other, apparently. You would be better off, IMO, to move on and find someone else to love who is a better match. You may have to date many men to learn how to discern someone who IS a good match. Right now, you don't have enough experience to make good choices.

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FailedFirstLove

It's so tough. I know his suffering from depression and he pulls away from people. It's not fair on me when he does this though. How do we fix it? How do we learn to communicate better?

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It's so tough. I know his suffering from depression and he pulls away from people. It's not fair on me when he does this though. How do we fix it? How do we learn to communicate better?

 

There's no "we" in fixing his issues. He has to fix them on his own. You can't be in a relationship that is constantly in turmoil. Communication is a separate issue from his depression. He has to learn how to cope and be well before contemplating managing a relationship with you.

 

How much of this is love? More so dependence on his part and yours as well. I read your history and maybe you should too. Nothing much has changed except for him doing what he's patterned to do.

 

And yes it would be foolish for you to go back.

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Well, i believe, and someday maybe you will agree.... Life is not fair, and we should'nt look at it like it is..... When you love someone, its not about being "fair". Its about reasoning and coming to either an agreement or a disagreement. If its ends up being a disagreement that cannot be looked past, or dealt with, then you have to ask if its good for you, and if its a deal breaker.

 

 

Communication is a key to being happy in a relationship! There are many ways to work on communication.... There are self help books and online articles....Counseling.... and classes... Communication is not only a relationship skill... It is a life skill. You Two Can Start by listening to one another, and put aside "fair and being right" Have an open conversation, there may be some hurt involved but atleast all feelings will be in the table. ....

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It's so tough. I know his suffering from depression and he pulls away from people. It's not fair on me when he does this though. How do we fix it? How do we learn to communicate better?

 

Depressed... Well the only way your going to get out of it, is by giving yourself a kick in the arse to do something. Find something that catches your interest. Find something you know you can do, or are willing to take the time and learn.

 

To communicate is easy, to feel at ease with it, is difficult. Going by expectations of complicating the situation is what keeps people from communicating. Once you get over the fear, being open to talk about things becomes part of sharing. Also is a wanted thing to do. As it keeps full understandings from becoming stagnant with new expectations. Once you allow an issue to be skirted, it will become a troublesome issue later. When expecting issues to come when taking on communication about an issue just allows the issue to be more of an issue than what it is.

 

Confrontation is only because the two parties cannot communicate. Allowing trust in the other to accept your feelings and needs is all about a relationship, as all the sex and fun in sharing is just the frosting on the cake.

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